Well...

This is supposedly my 100th official diary entry. Should there be fanfare? Should there be confetti and streamers? Should I feel less tired... more energized?

I am so completely exhausted, I don't think I could concentrate on much of anything at all. Least of all a diary entry. However, I shall make my attempt, as my online time has been severely limited as of late. Since we now only have one phone line into the house (the paternal parental unit has chosen to move his line to his office... novel idea, but that's a rant for another paragraph), I am required to limit my time online until I can get a line of my own.

Great idea. In theory. The practice becomes a little more difficult.

I am sitting here, on my bed, feeling as if the whole world were weighing down my shoulders. And no, I didn't plan that alliteration. But I like it. Regardless, I'm sitting here on my bed, with my shoulders hunched over, feeling somewhat like someone shaped my head out of Play-Doh and smushed it down on my shoulders.

I have a not-unpleasant burn in the joint of my left shoulder, acting as if it's going to spread along the "stress bands" up to just behind and below my ear. My left ear, itself, feels kind of like someone shoved a bunch of warm cotten inside it. My right shoulder is starting to tingle a little bit, as if it were going to take up the left shoulder's irritation and aggrivation with me. *chuckles quietly* Such is life, eh?

Regardless, I'm just moving on in my life, continuing to put one foot in front of the other. My eyes are half closed, the burn from my left shoulder has spread to the "knot" of my muscles and ligaments and such of my spine. *sighs* I suppose I could actually sit up. I could lean my back against the cold wall. I could release the hair band holding my ponytail back. Hell, I could actually shut this off and go to sleep.

But that would totally defeat the fun of having you watch me torture myself in one of those truly bizarre ways.

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

I'm so very tired.

But, I would assume, perhaps, you'd like to know WHY I'm so damned tired.

Let's start with my philosophy... Children are the ideal form of birthcontrol.

From watching them cry when a father on tv is putting down the child, which reminds them of their own father (sonuvabitchratbastardcocksuckinmutherfuckincockroach) to hearing them laugh like an hysterical hyena when you've just spent 45 minutes bathing the dog, making sure every scrap of dirt, debris and "foul odor" are removed from said pet... and the damned dog makes a beeline for the open door (*smacks her forehead in a "Well DUH" moment*), and immediately spends the next five minutes aggressively rolling in the grass, ignoring my summons time and time again.... *sighs, shaking her head*

Well... kids are the best birthcontrol I've ever found. Or rather, Babysitting is the best form of birth control.

See, the problem is this... as much as I gripe and complain and bitch about having to watch kids... I really do love them. And it hurts my heart when the aforementioned persona non grata creates a responsibility then dumps it upon the shoulders of a girl much to young, with a mother, not that much older.

It's really hard for me to talk around these kids because I rarely hold my tongue IRL when I'm comfortable. When I'm feeling secure in myself or when I'm in a position of authority, I get all "Mamma Bear" with people.

(yes, I know I'm drifting... and wildly... but try to stay with me. I swear we'll get somewhere in the end, I just don't know exactly where or how)

Like, while I was watching these kids... some guy calls. He sounds pissed and officious (not official) and it sounds like there's a fuckin office party goin on in the background on his end. Or like he was callin from a fuckin bar. Anyway, when I babysit, I answer the phone. The kids don't. I don't care how old they are... they do NOT answer the phone when their mother isn't home. So, this guy calls and I don't know who he is, the mother hasn't left any messages in regard to expecting a call from someone, and I have dealt with abusive and irrational spouses before.

(not mine, just the exes of the ladies I've sat for)

Anyway... so this guy calls and in the background it sounds like there's a fuckin party goin on. On top of that, he's sounding real officious, imperious and as if I should bow down and worship him. (that is NEVER a good thing to do around me.... I don't bow down to any asshole) And he asks me where the mother is. I say she's not available. He wants to know who I am, I say I'm the sitter, that she's unavailable and I'll take a message.

He wants a phone number where he can reach her. I say I don't have any numbers that I"m willing to give out over the phone. He is getting pissed and starting to show it... *chuckles* And I'm still unphased... or rather, my voice reflects that I'm unphased. And he starts insulting me... You don't have any numbers? What if the baby gets sick.....

Now, I STILL don't know who the hell this guy is. I ask his name, he tells me as if I should have known exactly who he was just by the fuckin sound of his fuckin voice. Again he starts insinuating that I don't know jack shit and that I can't take care of these kids.... Um.... Hello?

So, finally I tell him to give me his number, I'll leave her a message and she can contact him when she is available to do so. He tells me his name again as if I were an idiot. I tell him that his name doesn't tell me who he is and I'm still not giving him any information over the phone. That I don't know who he is. He tells me his name again (Um.... How many cases have you had to drink already? How much coke have you snorted? How many people are you planning on fucking with this way? And who the fuck are you?)

Of course, I didn't say any of that. I just told him I'd leave her a message. Again he demands her whereabouts and her numbers of contact. *smirks* Uh huh.... right... Since you asked me AGAIN, I'll tell ya. NOT!!! So, I tell him again, I won't give any information over the phone. He says, you're still livin at (I don't remember the address me mentioned. But it wasn't the address we were at) and I said.... AGAIN... I am not giving you any information over the phone. I don't know who you are. I then told him, "I will not speak with you any longer." and hung up the phone.

*smiles sweetly*

When I'm taking care of someone elses kids, and they're gone, You can be damned, fuckin sure, I ain't gonna give jack shit for info out over the phone. Especially not if you don't tell me your relation to the parental unit. Atop that, I for hellfiresure ain't gonna tell you jack shit if you adopt an imperious, threatening and self-agrandizing tone with me.

I am there to protect those children. I am there to keep them safe and out of harm's way.

In the past, I have had to deal with psycho spouses who show up at all hours of the day and night brandishing weapons, threatening me, threatening the children, and threatening the spouse. Um.... Excuse me? You're going to do what, to whom, with what? I don't think so, fuck nut. *smiles sweetly*

Of course, I"ve never actually sworn at a pissed off spouse. I"m not that stupid. Especially not when they have a deadly weapon in their hand. I don't care how strong the deadbolt is... a bullet WILL pass through wood. *chuckles* I also am real good about calling the cops when need be. And, Thank God, no one has ever actually broken into one of the houses while I was watching someone elses kids. Never. And with Christ beside me, no one ever will!!!

But I still don't like it. And I still hate it when people, especially male people, have the audacity to think that just because I'm the babysitter, that means I don't have a brain.

Specifically in light of this most recent week.

Hell, I'm almost three years older than the mother of these kids. I"m a lot taller, and a hell of a lot bigger around. And, I have a much more commanding voice. Not to say that she's a whimp. Believe you me, she is NOT a whimp. Not in any stretch of the word. But, when I'm taking care of someone elses kids, I am loud whenever I need to be. Very loud. Especially when someone is threatening my charges. Like I said, I get all "mamma bear" with these kids.

I'll leave them to their own desires as long as it's just us, or if there are friends of theirs over. But as soon as one person makes one negative move toward those kids..... You'd better the fuck watch out. I do not put up with assholes and tyrants. I do not put up with the jerkoffs that think just because they have a dick that makes them more powerful than anyone else. My words of warning to those few males who are true assholes (the mean and dangerous kind)....

Do not threaten the children. Do not threaten the mother of the children. And do not make a single move toward them, verbally or physically. Because I am 6'3" with shoes on, I weigh 400 lbs and I have a father... with guns. Lots of them... who believes in capitol punishment and isn't afraid of doing time for killing some asshole who tried to fuck with his daughter.

*smiles sweetly*

I also have the ace in the hole. I have a God who loves and cares for me and protects me even when I'm stupid (I have evidence). He will not ever leave me alone and He will never leave me hangin. He protects me and keeps me safe on a daily basis. And I am NOT against calling upon God to fight my battles for me.

There's a country song that just seems to fit here. I can't remember who sings it, but I can see his face. *chuckles* That's the way my mind is working tonight. Regardless, the name of the song is "800 lb Jesus". It's the perfect song. If you haven't heard it, I really suggest you find it. If I can remember who the singer is, I'll let you know.

For now, i'm out of here. My eyes are so heavy I don't know if I can keep them open to let the pup out.

But I will do it anyway.

And the whole point of that thing was...... When I'm watching kids..... don't fuck with them. Cause I am one hell of a protective, Mamma Bear. Kinda like the attacker shows up as a Rottweiler... He makes a move toward those kids and I turn into a Kodiak she-bear. I don't give a shit what kinda bite that dog has... that Kodiak ain't goin down without a fight. And I bet that the Kodiak will be the last one standin!

Hasta, folks. I'll post again in the near future. Tho the posts may be less frequent than before.

Peace unto thy hearts...

J

AKA

The Fatal Tiger