Saw Captain Correlli's Mandolin today. I do not recommend it.

The movie is good and there is some fantastic scenery, but it's really a love story set in the early 40's. During the time when Hitler was starting his aproach on Greece.

I don't like war movies. Although this isn't out-and-out a war movie, It's still a war movie.

Saw some great previews for other flicks, though. One I intend to see is the new Anthony Hopkins flick. Whispers of Atlantis I think is the name. I don't remember exactly, but it had something to do with Atlantis. *chuckles*

That one looks really good and I'm eager to see it.

I don't have a whole lot of time online tonight, so I'm trying to think of something extremely intelligent or something.

It's not working.

There are many sides of me that people have seen through the nearly year and a half that I've been writing. This is my 464th entry. I'll be beyond 500 before the end of the month, I think.

The point, however... yes there was one...

The point is that in all the confession, in all the honesty and point-blank-ness of these entries... there are parts of my life that I continue to keep secret. I have other personalities. Not in the needing-medication kind of way, but there are aspects of my life that I choose not to share.

Partially because I'm ashamed of them. Partially because I enjoy them. Partially because I'm ashamed that I enjoy them as much as I do.

I'm not doing anything illegal. (at least not in this State) I'm not hurting anyone and I am not acting out upon the side of my personality which I keep from you. But I still keep it from you.

I suppose I mention this now in light of the recent self-exploration I've been going through.

Thinking about Phil has brought a lot of my previous choices back to the forefront of my mind.

I was reading Dev's entry for today and I was stricken with how similar a situation that is to me.

That was an extremely cool dream in my opinion. Of course, the writer side of me immediately wanted to expand on it and make a story out of it. *chuckles*

But then, there was that introspective side of me. That part of me which Charles identified properly as being over-analytical at all times... That part of me examines Dev's dream and uses it as a template for my current life.

I see a certain path branching off to one side. I know what lies ahead. I don't know the end of that path, but I know what I will find on the way. It will be easy, fun, enjoyable and extremely warm... but it might grow too warm. it might grow too fun, too easy... leading me toward complascence once again.

And there's another path, obvious to follow, but again, leading away from the original goal. I don't know what lies at the end of this path, but I can see many things along the way. It's not as glamorous and "fun" as the first option, but it does lead me away from the original goal.

And then, there's that third option. It isn't as obvious as the other two. But for me there aren't any brambles. There aren't any sticker bushes. It's just a more difficult path. It's almost a direct route up the side of a mountain.

I know, somewhere in the back of my mind, that what I want most in this world is to reach the top of that mountain. I know that's what I was designed to do. But I'm tired. And I don't want to climb again. And I want to be able to camp out and just rest a while. I want to breathe and build a small home and stay for a few months at this nice place. Maybe pick some flowers.

But, the longer I stay here, the greater the temptation of either "easy" path.

So, my decision is a little different than the character in Dev's dream. I already know where I want to go. I know that I want to climb the mountain. The question for me is this, though... do I want to start out now and hope for a resting place half way up, or do I want to rest down here for a while?

I don't know.