What do you need to know about today? First off, I finally finished setting up the Debate diary thing. Yesterday I read Astral's diary and guestbook which turned me on to Mr. Levski and his guestbook which then led me to Love Junky and Mr. Sensitive respectively.

There was some heated debate going on and I wanted to read more but it was so confusing to jump from diary to diary to diary and guestbook to guestbook. SO, I decided to make a public debate diary. In light of the recent comment/response in those four diaries and guestbooks, and in the form of Rant of the Day I would like to introduce you to Debate It. There's an introduction and all at that diary, but the gist is, I will provide the first topic for discussion, then each of you take the time to post your response. Say what you think. The only limitation is that it's not a place to flame someone else just because you don't like them. Pretend you're an adult even if you're not! *Winks*

Anyway... other points of business... Tonight is a holy-day, or rather, Tomorrow is the holy day, but since it begins at sundown the night before, tonight is the beginning. This holy day is pretty much the second most important of the old-testiment holy days. (The first being Passover -- Passover was so important that there was a "make up" day provided for those who absolutely could not make it to the "real" Passover service)

To me, this holy day is extremely important. The Jewish name is Yom Kippur (if I spelled that incorrectly, I'm sorry) For the rest of us this is called the Day of Atonement. It is a day set aside where no work is to be performed. Moreso than a typical sabbath in that you're not even supposed to do menial things such as cook. This is a day of fasting, where one abstains from water and food from sundown to sundown.

The purpose of Atonement (the activity and the day) is to remind yourself of your physical weakness, dependance upon God, apologize for your sins, forgive others of theirs and resolidify your relationship with God. Many different churches use this day for different things. I daresay most of you will not notice any difference about today/tomorrow. I'm sure that most of you will only have heard of this day through bible class or some such. And yet, some of you may actually observe and keep this holy day.

For me, I am using Atonement to reafirm my faith in God. I am using this opportunity to do a lot of intensive bible study, and to commit to God.

This year Atonement means something to me. In the past it was basically a day where I was uncomfortable because I was fasting. Previously it has been a day where I dwelt on my failings and short comings, telling myself that I would never amount to much of anything at all.

As I'm sure most of you have noticed, I have started some intensive introspection over the past couple weeks. Some of it hasn't come out on this diary until just a few days ago, but the introspection part has been going on for a few weeks. Watching the change in my sister has been incredible to me. She is so very different now than she was even two weeks ago. She has received peace. True and complete peace. And it is absolutely stunning to behold. She is more beautiful and gentle to be around.

And I can't help but want that kind of peace for myself. I've had an increased inner peace ever since I returned from Dallas. But it's not like Yvonne's recent... change. Her entire spirit has changed. She's tender and soft and gentle and... at peace.

So what does all this blathering mean?

It means that I am using this year's Day of Atonement to grow up and make a real and definate change in my life. I have made a lot of little changes during the past year, but I want a big change now. I want that peace. That gentle, calm, quiet and loving peace. I want to understand God's plan for me and I want to move forward on the path He has planned.

I believe that you will be seeing some substantial changes in my entries. Perhaps not, but I kind of think there will be a definate change.

I am using this holy day to recount, recognize and remove my sin. I am using this day as my day of giving God the pain, rage, confusion, fear, sorrow and hurt that I've held on to for too many years to count. I am using this day, the time of fasting, to remind myself that without help (food, a friend's shoulder, the hand of God) I can't do anything and that I am not supposed to be in control of everything around me. I am using this day to also remind myself that God does not create garbage. Therefore, because I believe God specifically designed me, I was created for a purpose and am better than I have given myself credit for.

I am using this day to remind myself that I am worthy. That Christ died so that I wouldn't have to. That Christ died and that by His stripes (beating) I am healed. That Christ, my brother, loves me and if Christ loves me, there's no reason for me not to.