The Songs I�m listening to tonight: Weird Al Yankovic selections Internet Sandman Hot Rocks Polka Polka Your Eyes Out Polka Power Polkamon Will The Real Slim Shady Please Shutup Bohemian Polka Amish Paradise == Ugly Kid Joe version Cat�s In The Cradle == BHTatM Circle == Dream Theater Purple Rain == Staind Black Rain == Toby Keith How Do You Like Me Now : I Wanna Talk About Me == ATB Too Much Rain == Songs from Oakenfeld: Sash Delerium Unafraid EveryTime New Born You�re Not Alone House Mix Words for love Planet Rock The Dream Traveler Dream Universe Trance Amoeba Assassin

I decided to try a different approach to writing the diary entry tonight. I�m hoping that if I don�t have to interrupt the flow of my typing by flipping down to the next song listed, maybe I can make a little more sense with the entry as a whole.

One of the things I wanted to mention, I�m thinking about a slightly new twist on an old format. Just a couple times a week, or even just once or twice a month, I�m going to try to post a �Thought Snippet� Just a simple paragraph or less to bring a specific thought, usually ironic or sarcastic, to your attention.

So, for the first of those... I want to talk about something that the first song on tonight�s playlist addresses. Heh.

I�m serious about that, though. Since Lars was such a pain in the ass over people sharing �Tallica�s music, why does he take part, and accept money, for someone else�s music? The specific example is of Bob Seagar�s Turn The Page. �Tallica covered Turn The Page. They did an awesome job and I really like the version they pumped (pimped?) out, but still... if Lars is such a prick about not sharing what is �his� then why is it okay for him to share Bob Seagar�s work?

Seems mighty selfish to me. *chuckles* Of course, I�m sure that this subject has been done to death in so many different forums. C�est la vie.

Last night, after I wrote up my entry, after baby-sitting Mom�s bird, and figuring out why Audio Galaxy was logging mom onto the �net whenever she started her computer (amazing how that happens when you have the program installed in the �start up� menu, huh?), I returned to my desk, finished my entry while listening to songs and then logged on to the internet. I cruised around a little bit and was just enjoying myself in general until I realized I was a hell of a lot more uncomfortable than usual.

I shifted my position, no ease. I twisted, tried adjusting my back a little, shifted my posture, moved the chair into a different position, etc. I monkeyed around with this whole set up for quite a while. And then, I finally realized what was wrong... My back was killing me.

Yes, you may laugh, but it�s true. I was sitting there in extreme pain, having no idea what was bothering me. I didn�t feel pain immediately. I felt a general sense of not-comfortable-ness.

I actually had to force myself to mentally go over every part of my body. It was that kind of thing where you�re actually talking aloud to yourself (okay, so maybe no one else does this, sue me), and you�re saying things like, �Okay, it�s not my head that aches, that�s good. Are the shoulders there? Yup, they�re there and fine. Arms? Yeah, they�re okay. Wrists? A little stiffness in the left one, is that what�s wrong? Nope. That�s nothin major. Let�s see... shoulder blades? Yup, they�re fine. Mid back? Yup, check. Small of the back? Ho, Shit, that hurts. Damn, it�s the back. Wait, how could I possibly not have realized my back was killing me? Here I am sitting in front of my computer. I�m the only one here and there isn�t anyone bugging me for attention. How could I be so out of touch with my own body that I don�t realize I�m in pain???�

*nods* Yeah, that was what happened last night. I truly don�t understand how I do that, but I�ve noticed myself skipping over pains quite a few times. Hell, pain in the small of my back is a 24/7 concept. If I ever woke up without feeling some sort of ache in my back, I think I would be very, very surprised.

*chuckles*

Regardless, sometimes I will realize, after the fact, that the pain is greater than usual. That�s what happened last night. I was sitting here in front of the computer, being uncomfortable. No change in position helped. But then I went over my body and found the pain in my back. --

I don�t know, maybe I can compare that to someone being shot without actually realizing it. Once they remove the clothing, see the hole and the blood, then they feel the pain. It�s not like the pain wasn�t there before, but it was just... not identified.

I think that�s how my aches and pains are. AND, because of this, I think I believe more in the whole pain-is-a-state-of-mind thing. If pain weren�t a state of mind, wouldn�t it be felt as soon as it, well, started?

Sometimes, when I walk, I realize......... WAIT! I now realize what may have helped pop my back... Yesterday when I was out with my sis, trying to grab for Damian, my hip popped and my right leg snapped. Not like broke, but like... suddenly the muscles wouldn�t work at all. (That happens about once a month or so, just walking down the street, sometimes my right leg just won�t move when it�s supposed to.) Usually it�s just the leg that stops working for a second or two, but this time, my hip buckled too. Luckily, I was able to shift balance quickly, thus I didn�t land on my ass, which almost always results in spending a few days in bed.

Anyway, every once in a while when I�m out walking, I�ll be walking along, and feel a sense of discomfort. I probably should sit down and rest as soon as I feel the discomfort, but most often I just push myself to go a little further. After a little more walking, maybe another two blocks, I can feel actual pain, flaring white-hot through my back.

I don�t know if that�s normal, but it�s the way I register pains. Emotional as well as physical. Strange, hmm? I think so, anyway.

I have a delayed reaction to many things. I tend to remain where I�m comfortable, doing what I like to do and am familiar with, until the pain gets to be so great that I can�t remain in that position.

Last night, I got the heating pad and placed it on my back. I took three Ibuprofen. I very, very rarely take any kind of pills. I just don�t like taking them. Probably some repressed aversion to getting addicted to drugs or something, dunno.

Anyway, last night, if I�d been able to find anything stronger than Ibuprofen, I would have taken it. Hell, if I could have found my father�s Vicodan/Percodan/something-odan, I�d have taken one of those. Then probably another one. *chuckles*

But, the pain just intensified throughout the night. It got so bad that I didn�t go to bed (cause it hurt, bubba) until almost 7am.

*shrugs*

Anyway... Whatever point I was trying to make, whatever story I was trying to tell, is beyond me at the moment. I don�t have anything meaty or tough to impart to you, so I�m going to keep my headphones on, letting the music play through me for an hour or so. I�m gonna go lay down and see if I can�t rest up a little, maybe get the kinks out of my shoulders and mid back. Hopefully that will alleviate the strain in the small of my back. And maybe, just maybe, this is a sign that I have to do something different with my life. *chuckles*

Naw, couldn�t be that. Not yet. *winks*

Peace unto thy hearts, folks.

I�ll probably come back to this later and add a little more. Maybe not though... who knows.

Toodles