[second entry of the day]

I would like to comment on something that Lee mentioned in the guestbook. He stated that if singing was my dream that I should grit my teeth and do whatever it takes to attain my dream.

That, I think, is the majority of my problem. I don't think I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

Perhaps through my college experiences, (which I'm not through discussing, by the way) I learned that there are things more important to me than the "dream" as it was at one time.

Yes, I do desire to sing. Yes, I do want to sing with Andrea Bocelli. And yes, I will sing with Andrea Bocelli some day. However, there are many things that I witnessed in my schoolling which taught me that perhaps I didn't want to be a singer as much as I had originally thought.

It is a little difficult for me to tap in to the passion I had when I used to sing. It is very hard to tap into that now. Not impossible, just difficult.

And this is why.

I saw so many people who were hurting. I saw people who were angry and enraged and furious with their lives. I saw people who were miserable and didn't understand why. And I saw them fighting for that which they desired. And I saw them fail time after time after time.

Out of all the people who have attended Cornish College of the Arts, I have heard of only one making it. You all know who that is. You have all heard of him. But he's the only one. Out of all the years since I attended, I have heard of no one else who has made it to their optimum goal.

That one person is Brendan Frasier.

Do I want to fight so hard? Do I want to work that hard to be a singer? *shakes her head* No. And that's why I'm not a famous singer now.

I doubt I'll ever be famous in the way Brendan Frasier is. I don't think I really want to be anymore. That was my goal years ago. That was my great desire. I wanted to be rich. I wanted people to adore me and love me and send me flowers.

*smiles softly*

So what do I want now? I have what I want. I want to be happy with who and what I am. I want self confidence. I want to be happy in my life and with my choices. I want no regrets.

At this current moment in time I am happy. I like who and what I am. And, I have no regrets. None.

A while back there was a woman who said she didn't believe me when I said I had no regrets. She said that since I was married and divorced, had been in love and had my heart broken, and had no children, there was no way I could have no regrets.

I will have children in the future. I don't regret the absense of them now. In fact, I'm quite happy that I don't have children right now.

I don't regret either getting married or divorced. I learned too much, too many valuable lessons from those experiences to regret them.

Likewise, I don't regret loving and having my heart broken by Bryan. I learned too much to regret it.

I don't regret my slightly checkered past. I don't regret the choices I made. I don't regret where I am now in my life, or where I'm going in the future.

And, I don't regret giving up/running away from singing. I do believe that it was a foolish choice, but it was a choice I made.

And, as Lee also said, Life is not static. It changes. Therefore, I too can change. And it's okay for me to change my mind. If I want to be a singer, all I have to do is sing.

*smiles softly*

Peace unto thy hearts, friends. Know that I am happy and at peace in this world. I am thrilled with the person I have become and am still becoming.

In the future, I will make and put out a CD of my music. I will produce it myself. And, any of you who want a copy, all you'll have to do is ask.

And, I'll be here in Diaryland for at least another two years. These past two years have been so very beneficial to me.

You all will be advised of my wedding. (no, no fiance, no wedding planned, no date set, no plan to be married at this current time). When it finally happens, you will be notified.

Thank you, my friends, for sharing your lives with me. I appreciate it more than you know!

Peace unto thy hearts.