Then, he asked the nurse if the by-pass would do anything for the Atrial Fibrulation. The nurse said no. He double and triple checked with both the doc and the PA (Physician�s Assistant) and was told that the by-pass wouldn�t do anything about the Atrial Fibrulation. The doc said it was like Dad�s heart was an engine� it used to be an eight cylinder job but with the unused portion of his heart� the arterial blockages, he was only running on about three cylinders. The by-pass would bring him back up to about 5 cylinders. However, the Atrial Fibrulation was more like an electrical problem.

In the end, Dad decided not to have the surgery. The problems it would cause were so extreme and they wouldn�t solve the problem which got him in the hospital in the first place. So, he told the docs he wasn�t going to do it.

The PA was a little irked, thinking that Dad was making a bad decision, but the doc understood and agreed with Dad�s choice. He said that if Dad wasn�t completely commited to the surgery, it wouldn�t be a good option.

So, Dad wanted out. He pseudo bullied the doc into releasing him Thursday night. So, at about 5pm, at the height of rush-hour traffic, he was released from the hospital and Mom and I drove him home.

We got here at almost 10p last night.

Dad has medication for the Atrial Fibrulation. He�s weak due to the heavy doses of medication and the radio-active stuff injected into his body. He�s tired due to being in a farggin hospital for a week and he�s frustrated because he can�t move as quickly as he used to.

However, the limitation, aside from the week-long stress, is very minor in comparison to pre-hospitalization. I would estimate that before the hospital, he was at about 60% of his past vigor. I would estimate that now he�s at about 45 to 50 percent. Not a significant enough drop in mobility to warrant extremely invasive and dangerous surgery.

Oh, and there�s more about the renal arteries and compromised kidneys and such, but right now I�m way too tired to get into it.

This has been a massively stress filled week and I don�t exactly know how to handle it. I�m scared cause I don�t want my Dad to die, but there�s a part of me that wants him to just go because then I could grieve, get over it and move on with my life.

*shakes her head* And I do feel guilty for that small part of me� And, this is an endless catch 22 which I�m not really capable of getting into at this time.

Suffice it to say, I�m wiped out, exhausted emotionally and psychologically as well as physically. I need a few good, stiff drinks and a long, hot bath and a few days of solid sleep.

My bathtub is too short for a long soak, I don�t have more than beer here, and I don�t know when or if I�ll ever get decent sleep again.

For now, I�m signing off. I�ll be around, but� *shrugs* Dunno. This has truly been a week from hell!

There were good things which came out of it, but for right now I�m too tired to get into them.

Thanks for being there, my friends. I need your continued support. Send your prayers and well wishes my way. Right now, I really think that Dad�s in better shape than I am.

Right now, Mom's taken Dad to the hospital down here for some reason or other. I'm logging off now as I need to keep the phone line open. I don't think it's anything serious, but I still want to be available.

I'll keep you posted.