4-8-03

10 a

I�m going on three hours of sleep right now. Yeah, so it�s my own fault. I�m going to do Bible study, then go back to sleep.

1:30p

Okay, I tried that whole doing my Bible study thing, but I couldn�t keep my eyes open and I could actually concentrate on what I was reading. It was much like sitting at the bottom of a blender, on top of the blades, and then having someone turn it on. I wasn�t actually in danger of being cut up by the blades, but everything else was being cut up and that meant that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn�t comprehend four words in a row. Amazing that as I get older, I react more poorly to less sleep.

Anyway, we shall move onward.

Psalm 32 & 33

*smiles softly* Psalm 33:1-3 is really appropriate for me at this time. In a week I�ll be singing the Via Dolorosa for our little group on Passover night. We will be observing the foot-washing ceremony and partaking of the body and blood of our Messiah.

Psalm 33

1 Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise Him.
2 Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to Him on the ten-stringed lyre.
3 Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy.

It is always awing to me to sing the Via Dolorosa. But, to be completely honest, I don�t consider myself the person who sings when it�s music like this. Don�t get me wrong, I know that I�m standing there, and I�m opening my mouth and all� but it�s not me singing� I believe it�s the Holy Spirit pouring through me.

Why do I say this? Because I�ve used my own ability to sing before. When I was in school a decade and a half ago, I was singing under my own ability. I was being trained, and over the course of a year and a half, I had gained ability, skill and power. But it was me singing. When I started doing Karaoke, that was me singing. At first, I was strong and sure and my tone was good, solid, strong, pure.

After I started smoking, my tone wasn�t quite so pure. Over the past nine years, my tone has gotten worse, my breath control virtually non-existent and my skill has faded (such happens when you stop tuning your instrument, and continuously abuse it). But in the few times I�ve sung Special Music (that�s what it was always called in church, and I think I�ll always consider church solos as Special Music), I�ve prayed about it before hand.

I would ask God to fill me, to sing through me and to let the people hear HIS voice rather than mine. My voice was really crap after such a long time smoking. (It�s not permanently damaged, and I�m still remarkably good in some people�s opinions� the natural ability and power is there, but it�s just� in my ears, MY voice is crap right now)

But, when I give over my body to God, to have His Spirit flow through me� to have His voice sing the music for His people, so that His words are heard� a difference happens. There is purity of tone� there is a �. *frowns* There is a holiness in the sound that pours out of my mouth and I know, I absolutely know, that it�s not me doing the work.

But, God has shown me that when I finally capitulate to His requirements (that I stop smoking, start eating right and clean up my act) the power, purity and skill will return and I will be able to sing with joy, with praise� I will be able to sing to my God without relying 100% on His Spirit to carry the music.

That�s not to say that I think I won�t need the Holy Spirit, or that I think somehow my ability is better and more important or impressive than God�s. Nor does it mean that I will stop asking God to sing through me so that His people hear what He wants them to. No.

It�s like this� There are some people who love to sing even though they know they don�t have perfect vocal quality. Often those people will turn up the radio really loud to drown out their own voices, but they�ll sing to their heart�s capacity. When I ask God to sing through me� when I invite the Spirit to be the voice, it�s the radio up really loud.

In the near future (within six months) I�ll be able to turn down the radio so that the voice God designed me to have is again heard. I will continue to invite the Holy Spirit to sing through me, but it will become a duet.

Does that make sense?

Psalm 144

9 I will sing a new song to you, O God; on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you,
10 to the One who gives victory to kings, who delivers His servant David from the deadly sword.

Yes, my Lord God� I will once again sing to you. I will once again sing praise to your name. And, I will once again sing, not to show my power, ability or skill, but to show obvious evidence of your grace and mercy. I will sing to prove that you are indeed my God and King. I will again sing with the voice you designed me to have, to prove that you bless and take care of those who truly repent of their sins and iniquities.

Hmmm, does anyone out there have the ability to put stuff from cassette onto CD? Serious question! I would like to have two CDs made, one of my early Karaoke stuff� before I started smoking, and one of recent stuff, after 10 years, 9 of which were spent smoking my throat away. I would like to have the comparison on CD.

If you have that ability, please let me know. I would really appreciate it if you could do the transfer for me. I don�t have the ability to do that. Let me know, please: Jennifer � P. O. Box 684 � Long Beach, WA 98631-0684