(Sister, you may well not want to read this specific entry. Within this entry I bitch about you as well as the Brother and dad. It may well be better for your own peace of mind to not read this one. It�s your call. But, you�ve been warned� you�re not allowed to use this against me unless you start your own diary. You can lambaste me in your own diary. I�ll even link you and we could have a Diaryland Showdown� Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I�m getting a little over-the-top� You�ve been warned, you might not want to take responsibility for what you read in this specific entry� it�s not the most flattering stuff.)

Either Saturday or Sunday (I don�t remember which day), I began reading Dave Pelzer�s autobiographical trilogy. I started with the first book, A Child Called �It�. It was so powerful and such a quick read that I had to read the other two books. I believe I read through that first one in about four hours. The next night I started on the second book, The Lost Boy, and read through it in one sitting. I didn�t start the third book, A Man Called Dave until yesterday, but I finished it last night.

I felt great anger at the way this boy was treated, and an almost overwhelming urge to wrap him up tightly in my arms to protect him from any and all harm. Both of these feelings/needs, however, were quickly overridden by a sense of near rage; specifically, for my Brother. After reading those books, the first two specifically, I wanted to grab my Brother and yell out my frustration at him, �See? See? Don�t you see? THIS is abuse. THIS is all-consuming abuse.�

I also want to take my Sister, somehow open her head and re-wire her brain so she could comprehend, then tell her, �THIS, THIS boy was abused. THIS mother was fucked up. THIS is what REAL abuse is.�

Why do I want to do these things? Because I�m really, really tired of people close to me whining and complaining about how bad their lives were. It really torques me off. Dave Pelzer is a man who endured such evil hatred aimed directly at him, that it is truly miraculous that he survived. What�s more, he didn�t just survive, he has come through horrors so vile and disgusting� let me put it this way: Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Ladden, Eddi Amine (I have no idea how to spell that� the African dictator)� all those vile, disgusting, foul and sadistic men would have balked at some of the things Dave Pelzer�s mother did to her son.

It torques me off, and fills me with a sense of incredulousness when someone who was required to share a small house with six other girls and two parents truly believes in her heart of hearts that she was severely abused, mentally and spiritually. To this day, my Sister still rails about the injustices of her past. I want to be able to open her head and �make� her understand that compared to most abused children, the most damaging punishment she got was four swats rather than three.

Am I minimizing or trivializing my Sister�s childhood experiences? Probably. In fact, I�d have to give a resounding �yes� to that question. I know that my Sister�s life was not all that fantastic. She was abandoned by her Father (Mother and Father got a divorce); she was neglected by her Mother (Mother had a whole slew of problems on her own, not to mention raising four girls of her own and soon after, three more step daughters as well as having (psychosomatic) allergies which severely limited her mobility); she had sisters in and out of trouble; her Mother had some very odd ideas about nutrition and weight-gain� My Sister�s childhood and adolescence was not ideal.

BUT, she had food, shelter, time with her parents, friends, visits with her Father and she wasn�t beaten or physically abused� She may not have had a whole lot of fun, but her basic needs were taken care of. She had what she really needed when she really needed it.

Today, she feels victimized. Her life is so unfair, Her life is so hard, No one else knows what it�s like, She is mistreated and abused and no one cares and her life was so wrong. She was innocent, she didn�t deserve any of the mean behavior. She was a good girl and did everything right�

*shakes her head*

That routine, the whole whining-because-your-life-isn�t-fair thing really torques me off. It�s like my father, still, now, at age 64, whining and complaining about how his brother got the special present that his mother promised to dad. At 64, he still whines about how his brothers broke HIS toys and ruined HIS things and they never got in trouble for it� mom always liked them best� *shakes her head*

And finally, my Brother� He was abused. He was beaten bloody. He was yelled at. He also caused the majority of his physical abuse. As I�ve written before, he would do something wrong, knowing it was wrong. When he got caught, mom would try to talk with him� try to get to the �why� of the matter. He would be sullen and silent. When she would reach out to give him the three or four swats the willful misbehavior warranted, he would go ballistic. He flailed, writhed and screamed bloody murder before she ever laid a hand on him.

*shakes her head*

He WAS abused. He was beaten. Mom SHOULD have found a different way to communicate. She should have found a different method of discipline.

BUT!! Sister, dad and Brother should all shut the fuck up. Quit whining and moaning and wailing about how you�ve been victimized and how rotten your lives were. Stop bitching about how unfair this world has been to you. Stop limping. Stop whimpering about your circumstances. AND, please, for the love of all things pure and decent, get a fucking backbone and take responsibility for your lives.

By that, I mean this�

It is YOUR life. No matter what happened in your past, no matter what vile things happened to you, real or implied, no matter who mistreated you, again real or implied, no matter what negativity you have experienced, fucking get over it. LEARN from your past. Take the experiences and cut the cycle off. STOP the behavior so that you are not repeating it. End the cycle!!! Stop REACTING and start ACTING!

*growls*

If a man like Dave Pelzer could be starved by his own mother� flesh and blood mother, if he could be starved, beaten, choked, gassed, burned, made to swallow ammonia and bleach, humiliated, berated and made into a slave then made into a non-person� If man can endure all of that and come out at the end, in his 30�s with no bitterness in his heart� without perpetuating the cycle� with no hatred, all while helping others and educating a world to the reality of abuse� can�t you people at least not whine?

I�m not asking for you to stop feeling victimized. I�m not asking you to change your entire mind set. I�m not asking you to admit that you�re making up most of your damage. I�m asking only that you stop whining about it.

*sighs*

So much for Bible Study, huh? This was going to be just a little comment about the trilogy and then on to Bible Study.

The wounded bird routine really irks me. It�s the same thing as when my brother told me he used the being suicidal line to pick up women. He thought it was funny. I thought it was stupid and sick.

*shrugs*

I really don�t do well with babying people. First couple times, yeah sure� If you�re really hurtin, or I don�t know you well enough to know you�re fakin it� I�ll bite. But trust me, I will spit that bait out real damn fast if I get even the faintest hint of the wounded bird routine. I don�t play that game, folks.

I won�t bitch at you to your face and I won�t talk about you behind your back, but I will write a scathing diary entry about you in order to vent. So� you�ve been warned.

PS. This is the 799th diary entry... Next one should be something impressive, don't you think? Heh. Neither do I.