4-12-03

9:24a

You know what? It�s morning. I�m not doing such a good job of getting up at six every morning. I should probably be going to bed a lot earlier. It�s hard to get up at six when you go to bed at two. *shrugs*

All right, Father. Talk to me. What do you want me to read this morning. Tuesday is Passover and I know that P is going to give a sermon about Passover, but Father, I�m� *sighs*. I don�t want to be disrespectful, I don�t want to be sacrilegious. I�m just really bored with his speaking style� with his presentation.

We discuss the same chapters and verses in what seems to be the same way every year. When I was in the Church, I only went to one Passover service and I was so young, I don�t remember what the sermon was like. I haven�t gone to a church-sponsored service in seven years.

Still, I want something different. I am stirred by the sacrifice you made, Father� I�m stirred and inspired and so very, very thankful that you gave my Husband, Jesus, to make me whole and pure. I am awed by your love for your people. I am humbled by your willingness, Husband, to bear my sins, to be punished, humiliated, abused and murdered so that I would not have to bear the punishment for my sins. I am amazed that you would love me so much.

And still, there has to be something inspiring about the commemoration of your sacrifice. There has to be some way to be awed and amazed when we talk about your gift to us.

Father, Husband, I want to be inspired this year. I want to be amazed and humbled (not humiliated, but awed). I want to be inspired and uplifted and excited this year. But I have the feeling that we�re going to read the same scriptures, say the same words and that P is going to be dry, monotone and boring again this year.

He is a good man, Father. He really is. I like him and I think that he is truly a man after your own heart. But Father� Oh, my Husband, I do not learn the way he does. I don�t study the way he does. I don�t understand the way he does. To me, the words alone just feel empty.

Father, when P gives the sermons every week, I feel like I did while attending Church. I�m bored, uninvolved most of the time. I don�t like that, but I can handle it. But Lord, my Almighty Lord God, I want something special on the Holy Days.

When we went to the Feast last year, for the first time, I felt like I was really in YOUR kingdom. I felt, for the first time, that I was in YOUR presence. I want to feel that every Sabbath. I want to feel that on your High Holy Days.

If the change has to come from within me, then make that change within me. I don�t want to spend the rest of my life just bumbling through another dry, wordy, monotone sermon. I want YOU to inspire me. I want YOU to be the difference.

Father, I don�t want to be disrespectful to P. I don�t want to be angry or spiteful or sinful at all. I am not talking about this to be petty or nattering. But I want to be inspired. When I talk to you, when I pray to you, I feel the Holy Spirit charging through me. I feel inspired. I feel your power. I don�t want �church� to be a let down.

I�m not sure exactly what to do. I want more. I want bigger. I want incredible. I want the magnitude of what you, Father, and you, Husband, have done to be reflected in the sermon. The words are almost empty to me now. And man, you know me, you know that I feel bad for saying that. I don�t mean to be argumentative, or to downplay the importance of P�s addition to our little group.

Man, Father, I was inspired and awed at the Feast. This is the first Holy Day since the Feast. We�re entering into yet another Feast season, and Father, I want this one to be fantastic. I want to rave about Passover, Night to be Much Remembered, First day of Unleavened Bread and Pentecost to be awesome. I want them to leave me feeling like Moses after speaking to you, face to face for the first time.

I want every nerve on end, in a good way. I want to be wide open, awake, alert, bright and most of all, I want to be moved by you.

So, my Father� my Husband, I leave this in your hands. Teach me what you want me to know. Fill me with your inspiration. And if the service will be the same as before, open my eyes and ears and let me hear it with new understanding. Inspire me Father.

In your name, my Husband, in the name of Jesus the Christ, in the name of the Almighty God, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

1 Samuel 24 and 25

David was certainly short tempered. It makes me think that perhaps I should rein in my temper a little more frequently. When David was insulted, he got four hundred of his men and went after Nabal, intent on killing him and all the men in his household. *shakes her head* Seems a little extreme to me. But, I�m not David and I�m not being hunted down the way he was. Thus, I don�t have the right to judge.

Actually, I think the point is more geared toward Abigail and the whole �soft answer turns away wrath� thing. Because she had the presence of mind to fix the problem� to face it and find a real solution, David didn�t kill Nabal and all the men as he had originally planned. I could definitely learn something from Abigail. I suppose we all could.

Matthew 12:1-14

Man oh man, how great is my Husband. How awesome He is.

*smiles tenderly*

Yay God!