7 29 03

8a

Daniel 4 � yesterday

The thing that strikes me about chapter four, which I read through yesterday morning, is that as Nebuchadnezzar is writing what looks like a diary entry, he is praising God. So, why should this be so interesting to me? I don�t know� I suppose I just really like it when people are praising God when they really didn�t have any intention of being God focused.

This truly affects me in real life. I sometimes hear people talking about God in a positive manner, and discover that I�m surprised that specific person is talking about God at all. Why? *thinks* I don�t know exactly.

I guess it�s because throughout my childhood, Christianity was something you did in private. Open displays of loving God always seemed so� superficial. I would imagine that a large majority of fundamentalist Christians would feel the same way.

There has been a real separation of �church and state� in my own life, let alone the nation as a whole. It seems that in the last two years (yes, since the whole WTC thing) Christianity has been the topic of discussion; perhaps��. Well�

Okay, I suppose it�s like this: Throughout the years I was growing up, it was implied that one didn�t discuss their religious choices. In the Church, it was understood that one didn�t discuss the Church with non-members. One did not talk about the Church or their relationship to/with it outside of the Church.

• Again, for those who don�t know/don�t remember, when I use the capital �c� in �church� I�m talking about the specific church I grew up in. I use this distinction because there are many people who condemn that specific church now and believe that nothing good could possibly have come out of it. There are those who used to attend said church who also think it�s a bad and evil thing and that only bad things happened.

• Granted, many members of the Church did learn, by implication, some wrong doctrine, but that was not the Church�s fault. There were different societal influences 25 years ago, and what many �second generation� Church members seem to think was oppression at the Church�s direction, was misunderstanding by the parents.

• Okay, so a little background info: A large percentage of the families in the Church were extremely legalistic. That was partially the Church�s fundamentalist viewpoint and partially societal influence. Thirty years ago society as a whole believed that children were not individual people; that they were pretty much �vanilla�; that the parents could modify and �create� personalities for their children. It was believed that children didn�t have opinions, personalities and separate identities inherent within them. Society as a whole has changed its perspective.

• Now, combine the societal influence suggesting that children were blank slates the parents could alter and change whenever and however they wished to, with a legalistic, fundamentalist Christian bent. The Church, having grown out of two generations previous (in which children were nothing more than tools or decoration), implied that without intense and immediate discipline, children would 1) be impossible to handle and 2) reject God. As a result of rejecting God, said children would be lost; they would die horrible deaths and never be seen in the kingdom after the final Resurrection. Seems a bit negative, doesn�t it? Well, yes, it does. But, that�s the atmosphere I, and most of my Church acquaintances, grew up in.

• A specific person, who will remain unnamed, grew up in that atmosphere. Now, she refuses to have anything to do with the Church on the grounds that it screwed up her life and that it was an evil thing that never should have been allowed to �be�. She and I disagree on this issue. She believes that all the bad things that happen in her life are a direct result of the Church�s wrong belief structure and her parents� reaction/action in regard to such. She does not take her (or her parental units�) personality disorders into account.

• I, on the other hand, remember being told from the pulpit that it was our responsibility (the congregation) to read the Bible and prove for ourselves whether or not the sermons were true and accurate (I remember being told this multiple times). Though I believe that the Church had great influence in the way I was raised, and that my parents made some choices based solely on implied Church doctrine, I believe that the problems and difficulties of my life, then and now, are a direct result of my own personal choices. Furthermore, I believe that most of the errant instruction I received as a child are a direct result of the paternal parental unit�s own personality disorder and have absolutely nothing to do with the Church or societal influence.

• That said, I remember thinking that if I talked about my Christianity, I would be shunned and ridiculed. We were so different from the main-stream Christian groups. We believed in a Saturday Sabbath. We believed in observing the Holy Days. We did not do Christmas or Valentine�s day or Halloween or Easter. We didn�t take part in school activities if they happened on Friday night or Saturday day.

• We did not discuss religion or the Church because (as I understand it): 1) It would be wrong to talk about God to those who could never truly know Him (how could someone know Him if they weren�t �chosen�? but that�s another entry all together). 2) We had to remain pure and not �of the world� � relationships outside of the Church were discouraged to the point that many people chose to leave their families and would have absolutely nothing to do with anyone other than Church members. 3) The rest of the world simply would not understand what we said or did and they would try to draw us away from the Church saying it was evil, bad and a cult.

• The Church was a cult, after a fashion. It was a culture in and of itself. It was a perfect example of a dysfunctional family � an alcoholic home � replete with the whole �don�t talk, don�t touch, don�t feel� mentality. The problem is this: As with the individual spoken of above, there are at least two people I know very personally who believe that the Church screwed up their lives. These two people have chosen to take on a victim stance � they believe that they were abused and mistreated and violated as a direct result of Church doctrine. I, on the other hand, believe that though the Church did have an influence, and our parents were screwed up of and by themselves, ultimately it is our responsibility (each and every one of us in this world) to learn from our past experiences and then MOVE ON!!!

• Like a kid who grows up with an alcoholic for a father; yes, it sucks that you were beaten as a child. Yes, it sucks that you were mistreated and that no one understood you. Yes, it sucks that you were not treated the way you wanted to be. But, quit your whining. It doesn�t matter what happened in your past, you don�t live there anymore. Quit expending your effort and time bitching about how unfair your life has been and push forward, push through the pain and come out on the other side as a whole human being.

• Okay, so that�s far more preaching and far less background information than I intended originally, but the point has been made. The Church I grew up in implied isolation and the family I grew up in redoubled that.

Therefore, I have spent a large part of my life being somewhat surprised to hear people talking openly about God. Atop that, I am surprised to hear myself talk openly and lovingly about God. Because of my bias (the whole �don�t talk, don�t touch, don�t feel� thing) and my slow rejection of it, I feel both surprise and joy when I not only hear others talk openly and warmly about God, but when I read of Nebuchadnezzar openly and warmly praising God.

I suppose I�m impressed; specifically because I have this ingrained predilection toward hiding my Christianity and I find it refreshing to read of a man who spent his whole life worshiping false gods and idols, finally worshiping God.

Yes, it took a lot to get Nebuchadnezzar to worship God, but he did so quite a few times. He didn�t stop being self-focused, but when he was pushed, he recognized God�s mastery. I like that.

So, now I�m going to leave you with this as I�ve been prattling on for an hour and a half and I really need to get ready for work.