Okay, so it's not as long as I thought it would be. But I'm sure there will be greater input later. For now, this is what ya get! So there!!

So, it�s been a while. Heh.

I�ve been driving a paper route since last August. I�m tired now. I�m done. I don�t want to do this anymore. I�m driving myself, almost literally, into the poor-house.

So, I need to change my life.

To this end, I must follow some advice that I�ve frequently foisted off on others.

First, figure out what you want.

Second, figure out how to get what you want.

Third, figure out if the how is worth the what.

Fourth, make your decision.

Fifth, don�t second guess the decision.

Sixth, succeed or fail.

Seems a lot easier when it�s in black and white, huh? Or, in the case of this diary, blue and kinda tan.

Step one: What do I want?

Without thinking about it� without even batting an eyelash� I want to heal hearts. I want to ease pain and soothe misery and remove fear. I want to make everything �nice�. Or at least, not mean.

I want to know that when I have passed by, a person will have felt better for having been near me. I want to heal people� but not physically, though that�s in there too, I want to heal hearts. I want to make people feel whole again. That�s what I want.

Okay, so step one partially accomplished� Actually� step one is completely accomplished. That�s what I want to do. That�s what I want to be.

Now� how to get there� That is a bit tougher.

First thought is singing. However, if we�re going to add being financially independent into the mix, there has to be more than singing involved.

Okay� side track � Singing could be �the way� but it requires more discipline and determination than I have at this specific moment. The requirements involved in using song as my source of healing are so varied and intensive� they require me to change too much, too fast. At this specific moment of my life, I�m not willing to even contemplate the personal/mental change required. Complete and total lifestyle change here, folks. Too much for this specific contemplation session.

Back.

How to heal hearts� How would I go about doing that?

Again, the knowledge is inside me and just sitting there, not-quite-patiently. Actually, it�s jumping around inside my head as if it�s butt were on fire.

Being some sort of counselor or something. I�m not exactly sure. Okay� see, I have the picture in my mind� me sitting at a desk talking to a small child. It is an office type situation. The thing is, I don�t know if I�m a social worker or psychologist. I have a feeling I�m more a social worker.

Lemme think about it for a sec.

Okay� so I�m a social worker. Dealing with children mostly.

I don�t really want to be doing the same thing as Mom. Her job seems to be too� I don�t know� odd?

I think a Guardian Ad Lidum is the way for me to go.

I�ll have to get a few more specifics from Mom, but for the time being, this is good enough for Step Two.

How to heal hearts? Become a Guardian Ad Lidum.

Okay. Step Two B.

How to become a Guardian Ad Lidum.

Hmmm. Schooling. In order to become a Guardian Ad Litem (looked up the spelling), I need to have a degree.

Okay, in order to get the degree, I have to have an education. In order to have an education, I need to have funds and a schedule which allows me to take classes and study.

Oh, and I have to find a school which provides the Social Science program.

So, what to do? Contact schools, community colleges in the area first. Then, talk to the career/student counselors to find out what my options are. I have the idea, but I don�t have all the facts. My job is to take my fear, discard it and push through.

Third is finding out if the how � school�n�stuff, is worth the what � work in the social sciences field.

This is more involved and will take a little more time. Already, as I was working over this entry, I have contacted Clatsop Community College, which I have previously attended. Next on my list is Grays Harbor Community College, which has an extension office just four miles from the house.

Well, Grays Harbor isn�t helping me at all.

I�ll deal with that later. I�ve sent off the info to CCC and that�s enough for tonight.

Next thing to think about. Can I handle what happens� or� hmmm� Can I deal with being in the social sciences field? Is the end worth the means?

I don�t know exactly what the means will be.

I suppose I need to talk with Mom a little more. She�s more knowledgeable than I. About a lot of stuff.

So, for the time being, this is all the entry you get.

Neener, neener, neener.

Heh.

So� steps four through six later!

See ya