The topic for today:

Self loathing!

*shakes her head* Alright... For those of you who have read any of my previous posts, perhaps you'd just like to skip this one.

I'm in one of the foulest moods I've ever found myself near. I am wallowing in self pitty and self loathing. And I am so fucking disgusted with how I look that this entry is going to be primarily crying and bitching.

However, this is my fucking diary and if I want to fucking slam myself and talk about how fucking humiliated I am, I will fucking do so. Fuck you very much, indeed.

*growls*

Alright. This is a vicious cycle.

I'm pissed off with myself because I'm fat, not just "overweight" but I qualify for disability status because I'm so motherfucking fat. This isn't some "oh I haven't been able to drop the last fifty pounds" bullshit. This is being nearly two-fucking-hundred pounds overweight.

Some of you, my beloved Uncle Bob included, bitch about how fat you are... about being old and fat, or just fat.

Uncle Bob, I love you dearly. I think you're one of the most wonderful men in the entire world, and I think your devotion to your wife is marvelous. I'm thrilled with your excitement in the nearing arrival of your son. Congratulations...

But..... Gah... maybe I shouldn't fucking talk about this.

Alright... this is what I want to say. If you don't like it, don't read it. I'll have calmed down dramatically once I"ve gotten this shit out...... And, who knows, maybe I'll put it on my private diary so that I don't offend anyone.

*shrugs*

Fuck me, indecision combined with self-loathing and the desire to have SOMEONE tell me the world is wrong..... Fuck me.... this is pathetic.

Buck up, Jen. Time cures all wounds. You'll get through this just like you've gotten through everything else. Just chill. Breathe. Deal. One foot in front of the other. Just deal. Just breathe.

*closes her eyes*

Well, fuck. There's no room for whimps in my life. Specifically when the whimp is me.

sorry this was so fuckered up. But, I'm hurtin for an entry so I'm going to post this jumble of bullshit even tho I'm not saying a single thing of merit.

Peace unto thy hearts.

May your every, and I do mean EVERY single positive wish come true.

The Fatal Tiger