====Part Four. If you have yet to read parts One, Two, and Three, please do so now... ====

I called him the day he was supposed to get back. And he called me. And we went out. Every night except those when he had duty, or was on deployment. On our second night out, he gave me his class ring and told me that he'd be a fool not to marry me. I gave some flippant answer... but inside I started to feel fear.... I was terrified that maybe he was going to do something.... want something... make me feel something...

I stuffed it. I liked the feeling of being paid attention to. I really enjoyed having someone to go out with. And Duncan was wonderfully attentive. He was kind and gentle and he didn't push his opinions on me. In fact... he didn't have many opinions at all. He adored me and told me almost daily how much he loved me. It was like I had finally realized what had been missing in my life. It felt like a part of me was being fed... that part that had previously not existed in my mind/life/body/whatever.

Now... that wasn't quite true, but that's how I can explain it.

"And I don't want the world to see me
cause I don't think that they'd understand
when everything seems to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"

So, we dated and he finally asked me to marry him... well, not finally... he'd been asking me to marry him for a while and I"d always brushed the question off with a subject change. But finally I just said yes. *shrugs* In a moment of thought, I'd realized that there was never gonna be anyone else to ask me. That dating this guy... he was nice and gentle and kind. And he really wanted ME. The guy I'd been so in love with since I'd been 15 didn't want me at all. Hell, he turned me down the first few times I"d asked him out. I didn't ask anymore.

I remember when I introduced the two of them. I was so desperately hoping that Dan would get jealous... or something... that he would show SOME interest. I was good enough to be a friend... I wasn't good enough to be a girlfriend. I wasn't good enough to be a mate. But, Duncan was more than willing. Duncan wanted me. He loved me. He was attentive to me.

I suppose... to put it in somewhat banal terms... he worshipped me. So, I kept going... we set the date for December of 93. He was going to be leaving for West Pac, a six-month deployment, in February of 94 and he would be out of the Navy in July of 94. I didn't want to be alone for those six months, but I figured I'd rather be alone married, than alone single. At least I'd be getting a little money and the beni's of being a military wife. Shopping at the comissary and all... far lower prices. And I do mean FAR lower.

*shrugs* So, we got the rings and had everything planned. *chuckles quietly* I remember when he gave me the ring... the "offical" proposal. We were driving to church. Travelling North on I-5 toward Hiway 18, just under a mile South of the Tacoma Dome. In the car, on the freeway, as we were taking the exit... he rounded the curve, held up the ring, I held up my hand and he said the words... "will you marry me".... Terribly romantic don't you think? *rolls her eyes*

I still wear the ring. On my right hand tho. Hell... it's a great diamond. It's a beautiful ring. Mom, Duncan and I paid for it. Got it on sale. I wanted a Sapphire center stone with diamond around it. But, Mom saw the ring and said this one was good... it was a loss-leader. Ya know... the ring they showcase, marked so far down that people have to come in the store to look at it... and yet, they had it hidden back among a few other more bright and spectacular rings.

It had a retail price of 3,000 bucks. Rather, closer to 2,900... but still... it was this high priced ring, yet hidden among those humongous, 40,000 and 50,000 dollar deals. So, people didn't see it. That's the whole point of having a loss leader... Regardless... the ring was on sale for 600. See what I mean about loss-leader, folks? Retail 3 grand, sale price 600. *chuckles*

But, Duncan paid about a quarter, Mom paid half and I paid a quarter. It wasn't a sapphire, but it was a pretty ring and I couldn't afford to pay for one I really liked so *shrugs* Hey, it's a ring, right? *shakes her head* I would do things differently this time round.

Regardless... he put the ring on my finger as we were driving onto Hiway 18. There... we were officially engaged. Somewhat anti-climactic eh? See... this whole thing was really fuckered up. And my reason for marrying Duncan was so fucked up. Damn... I really, really fucked him over.

"This is perfect water
passing over me"

So, we got engaged and had picked the wedding party... Mom wanted to do all that shopping crap. ya know... Looking for the dress, picking out invitations, announcements, food, colors. *shrugs* Then the flowers and the cake. I must admit I was a major pill about the whole thing. I hate shopping in the first place... but most females really look forward to picking out their wedding stuff.

Not me.

I didn't wanna waste the time to shop. The very first shop we went to... I looked through the dresses on the rack. Literally, I had my dress within five minutes. I found the one I wanted by looking at the rack, flipping the hangers back one by one until I found the dress I liked. I pulled it out, looked at it, nodded and told Mom... "Okay, this is the one."

She nodded and kept looking. *rolls her eyes* So, I waited through three more stores... did that whole, disgusting, trying on dresses crap. Gah, I hate that. I hated it then too. It just disgusted me. *shrugs* But, that's what Mom wanted to do. Then, we looked at invitations. Again, I flipped through the pages of the first book (there were about five books) saw one I liked but wasn't really "attached" to. I looked through the next book, saw the ones I wanted and marked the page again saying that was the one I wanted. Mom continued looking through the books pointing out different invitations. *shakes her head*

It was like that through the florists place and the cake place. I had my mind made up within ten minutes. The colors were a foregone conclusion... deep burgundy and hunter green. Hell... it was going to be a winter wedding... Great colors... roses and leaves... easy decorations.

*shrugs*

Mom was disappointed. She wanted to do the loving, shopping-for-the-wedding stuff. I just wasn't into that whole scene. But, ...... well...... that's all boring crap.

====Part Five on the way=====