Well.....

In direct response to Russell's entry today, I have decided to tell y'all why I smoke...

I started smoking on March 1, 1994. I did so after all the shit with Robyn, while Duncan had just recently left for WestPac... I was depressed... massively depressed. And I wanted to die. I wanted to kill off every last bit of life, hope and passion I had left. So, I figured, the only thing that was still alive in me in any way was my voice...

So, I started doing the one thing that my Mother would hate most, the one thing that would make sure I never accomplished any of the goals I'd previously set for myself.

I started smoking.

I remember it, very clearly... I had two packs of smokes... One was Marlboro Light 100s, box. The second was Camel Light 99s, box.

I opened the marlbs... (that's what Duncan smoked) and put one to my lips... lit it, took in a drag, coughed twice and supressed it.

(when I was three, I was at my aunt's house with my brother... she was smoking, and we were looking at her like "is that good? can I have some?"... she held out the cig to me, I took a drag and started coughing so hard I couldn't see straight... I figured I'd never smoke again)

Then, instead of directly inhaling, I took in a mouthfull of smoke, swallowed it, then exhaled. It burned a little, but not bad, and I got light headed. I sat in my little Pinto, in the cold, and smoked that entire cigarette. It hurt a little bit and I coughed a few times through the first two or three cigarettes... but after the fourth, I wasn't coughing anymore.

I went into the Thunderbird for Karaoke, opened the Camels and tried one of those... they were smoother. So, throughout the night, I smoked all of the Camels and had about half the marlbs left.

The next day I bought a two cartons of the Camel Light 99s and proceeded smoking two packs a day.

Currently, I'm down to about three quarters of a pack a day. I have six packs left out of my recent two carton purchase. These are the last cigarettes I'm ever going to buy. The last cigarettes I'm ever going to smoke.

I have a reason to stop smoking now.

Therefore... I will.

Peace unto thy hearts....