To start the evening... a plethora of Verticle Horizon....===Now Playing Miracle===

I have absolutely fallen in love with Verticle Horizon. *chuckles* There is simply no other way to say it. This is the only group/artist I"ve DLed everything I could possibly find from. And, as soon as I have the ride to Astoria (where there's music) I'll be purchasing everything I can find from the shops. I don't know if I can pick a favorite song.

If any of you out there are against Verticle Horizon because Everything You Want has been played to death... please, go to Napster before they start charging for it, and DL Miracle, Shackles, You're A God and Best I Ever Had. Those, in my opinion, are some of their absolute best songs. Children's Lullaby is awesome too... but... *sighs softly* Those four are just.... so very, very incredible.

They're rock without being too metal, alternative without being too angst, mellow without being too petty. There's some very, very, very good stuff here.

===Now Playing Shackles===

And, the talent. *swoons* One of the things I like a whole lot about this one, is the harmonics. *smiles tenderly, listening.... the guitar work is really good. Sweet harmonics... so, so sweet. Of course... that may be a biased opinion. *chuckles*

Anyway... for those of you who have been reading me for a while... you know I'm extremely opinionated... I just don't like forcing my opinions on others. And, I try desperately to leave myself room to slip away from offending people. *chuckles*

I just so love the feeling that I get from listening to this music. It's not depressing, but empassioned. I just feel so... stirred. *grins*

Of course, that sends the visual of stirring jello or something. *smirks*

Thank you, God for making me a creature of musical bones, sinews and blood.

===Now Playing We Are===

I feel so alive. I also feel somewhat dorky for talking about this so much... but hell... I've spent the past ten years, plus a little, being depressed and completely numb inside. I've spent the past ten years being dead.... Life just feels so good.

This proves to me that life is a state of mind. NOTHING about my situation has changed. I'm still unemployed. I"m still fat. I'm still partially handicapped because of the pain which slams through me when I try to move.... But... I just..... Damn, this is incredible. I feel so completely alive.

I feel like Joey looks when he's got his head out the window... the wind making his ears flop. *laughs* Tongue lolling out.

Previously, in my existance, during this time of year, I would start a downward slide into dark depression.... the gray days would send me sinking lower... not this year. This is so very incredible.

I wish each and every one of you were able to feel this giddy, child-like-awe feeling. I really do.

===Now Playing Trying To Find Purpose===

Please, oh God please... never let this feeling end.

I highly reccomend that each one of you takes about an hour out of your life this weekend... just curl up some where... if it's hot where you are, grab an icecream cone, or a popcicle and find a park or something... sit under a tree and watch everyone running around... playing... just... get in touch with the joy most children have. Find that, people... please...

If you're somewhere cold... curl up with a blanket, and a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream... take a sip and get whipped cream on your nose... AND LEAVE IT THERE. *laughs brightly* This weekend, I'm going to take my dog out to the beach... He's going to play, and I'm going to build a sand castle.

===Now Playing Everything You Want===

I'm asking you... take an hour... two hours... a day... just take some time this weekend... MAKE the time if you have to... and tap into one of the activities you loved as a child. Play a game of Truth Or Dare. And ask only silly, stupid questions... make only silly, stupid dares...

Do something joy filled. Immature. Play.

Please... just take a little time out of your life and play... if only so you can feel, for a few moments... this incredible feeling of child-like awe I've found. Get a Dr. Seuss book and read it out loud. Make up voices for each character. Find a niece, nephew, neighbor kid... something... watch children at play.

Ignore the violence on TV. Ignore the news. Just don't listen to it for one day... one single day. Put away your "adult" status for a day. And play.

===Now Playing Children's Lullaby===

Roll around on the floor with a dog... play with a ball of string with a cat. Watch an old cartoon... not the new tenchi/power rangers shit... a Road Runner cartoon... Taz...... Watch Popeye. Sit down and watch Fraggle Rock. *laughs* Or... best choice... The old Muppets. *laughs brightly* Remember what you were doing when Miss Piggy and Kermit were hosting a show and .... hogging the show. *laughs brightly*

Spend a day remembering the wonderful parts of your childhood. If you can't think of anything... then, please... please, please... fake it. Create a positive memory. If someone insults you, or cuts you off... instead of swearing, flipping them off, or getting pissed... stick your tongue out at them. Give em raspberries. *laughs*

===Now Playing Best I Ever Had===

If your parents complain that you're not taking life seriously enough... realize that they've been parents too long... If you can't, at least for an hour, remember the joys of childhood... the first time you saw snow... the first time you saw a firefly... Atari... *laughs hard*

For an hour, just look at everything with awe in your mind..... go to the store... I'm sure that every single one of you can scrounge up .59 cents... go to the store and get a bottle of bubbles. *laughs brightly* And blow bubbles. Get a pack of bubble gum and pop your gum loud.

Play.

For an hour.

I promise you... if you really tap in to that... delight... that joy... you will feel more rested and refreshed than a full night's sleep could ever give you.

I'm sure that some of you out there are reading this just out of some greusome inability to turn away... like staring at a car wreck... But seriously... try this...

I was a very, very serious child. There are very, very few times when I acted like a child. Very few instances of being happy and full of joy with no care for what my lack of attention might mean.

===Now Playing Finding Me===

I'm not saying that you should go out, swallow a whole bunch of pills and alcohol so you can forget responsibility... I don't mean to tell you to escape. I mean... *frowns slightly* If it's snowing where you are... go outside and make a snow angel. If you're in the city... just go out into the middle of the street and stand there, face to the sky, feeling the snow fall upon you.... open your mouth and let the snowflakes fall to your tongue, melting as soon as they hit... Walk inside and feel the snowflakes melting off your eyelashes.

*laughs*

Life feels so good, friends.

Those of you who are saying that I've flipped out... those of you who think that I"m just way too fucked up in the head to be believed... those of you who are pragmatic and think that you have to support your families... that you don't have time for childish games..... Fuckin unplug... go outside and feel the real air...

Take one hour out of your weekend... One out of 48... I'm sure you can spare that much.... write a poem... one that is poorly rhymed... poorly formated... and color it with crayons... and put it up on the fridge. *laughs brightly*

===Now Playing You Say===

Be happy. For one hour, you get to go back in time to a past that you might not ever have experienced. Play a game of "I Wish". Play a game of tag. Play a game of hide and seek. With children.

Play a game of kick the can... Have fun... sing in the rain... write a song... take off your clothes and drape your socks over the lamp shade, your coat on the floor, pants half on/half off the bed...

Get a pair of Footie Pajamas. With the butt flap. *grins brightly* (Dennis The Menace style)

===Now Playing Shackles===

Take a one hour vacation from life. Take a one hour vacation from responsibility. Take a one hour vacation from stress and adulthood and all that crap... just touch that child you could have been. Touch that child you were. Touch that child you wanted to be. Touch that child you think was petty...

Then... maybe... yes, then, you'll be able to feel a little bit of this peace, giddiness and completeness I feel. Then, perhaps you'll be able to see the last touches of Fall in more brilliant color. Maybe then you'll be just a little happier. Maybe then you'll remember what life really is.

Life is not a series of games that you have to win. Life is not a competition. Life is a gift. You've already won. You're alive. Live.

===Now Playing You're a God===

If after that hour you don't feel any different... if after that single hour you still feel that I'm flipping out and that you need to get me coat with the sleeves so long they have to buckle them up the back... then go about your life the way you have it. If after that hour you feel only that you've wasted another hour... *smiles softly* Well... then, perhaps you need someone to kidnap you and pamper you for an entire weekend... just pamper you... breakfast in bed with those kid-foods... pancakes with blue berries and strawberries and milk and orange juice and coco puffs and cheerios and toast and... and... and... Joy.

Watch kittens at play. Watch puppies at play...

Play. Just play.

===Now Playing River Of Tears: Eric Clapton===

I feel so alive.

I remember when I was a little, tiny girl... about three years old. I remember standing with my Mom... I probably had my arm around her leg and I was looking at my Uncle and a buddy of his. They were both high on marijuana (I didn't know that at the time) and the sun was shining... and I was smiling. Safe. Secure. At my Grandmother's house in Ohio. I didn't know about pain then. All I knew was that I was loved and happy.

I remember about that same time in my life... catching fire flies at night. Looking at them and wondering how they lit up like that. Staring in awe at this tiny creature that had a butt on fire. *laughs hard* I think my great-uncle Norm told me that. I can't remember who it was.

I remember sitting in my Great Grandmother's livingroom... and seeing one of those little dunking bird things... Ya know... an old, old toy (old for most of you, as they were popular in the very, very early 70s) It was red and white I think... and it would swivle forward as if getting a drink of water from the glass before it... and then swivle back... forward again, a little farther... and back and forward and back... That used to fascinate me.

I remember my Great-Cousin (my Mother's Cousin)... he was about 14 at the time... and he was learning magic tricks. *laughs brightly* I can't, for the life of me remember any of the tricks he did... but I remember watching him in rapt awe... He could do stuff I'd never even thought of before... I was so amazed. I thought he was magic itself.

I remember seeing Niagra Falls. I think I was about five. But I don't remember what age for sure... All I remember from that.. not the falls themselves... but what I remember was the sound... so big... so loud... and all caused by the same stuff that I could get out of the tap. *grins, laughing quietly*

===Now Playing Sentinel: Steve Porcaro===

===Now Playing Pull Me Under: Dream Theater -- Suggested by Charles===

I remember tapes that my Grandmother would send out to my brother and I. probably about age 5... possibly 6... sitting at the table, staring at the tape recorder with my eyes wide as gramma's voice came over the machine... that amazed me completely... but what amazed me even more, was the story she was telling... Three Billy Goat's Gruff. *grins* And the nasty, wicked old troll that lived under the bridge. *laughs*

I remember sitting on the couch with my Grampa... Nestled beside him, watching him in rapt fascination as he told me the story of LIttle Bunny Fru fru. *laughs hard* I remember the look on my Mom's face as Grampa was telling the story... She was not happy.... but she was laughing... That was a good memory.

I have been so very blessed in my life. Thank you God for the chance to start again. Thank you God for filling my mind with these bright, cheerful, joy filled memories. Times where I felt safe and secure and so very loved. Oh, Thank you God for life. For joy. For peace. For happiness....

*laughs quietly, to herself*

I just feel so good. I want everyone to feel this. I wish I could bottle it and give it away. This is one of those heart-healthy feelings. And it's marvelous.

I remember crawling around in the grass, pretending I was a cougar. *laughs* Stalking my brother. *laughs brightly* Growling courgar-ly. I remember the bunkbed we had... shaped like a stage coach. And I remember playing in it, pretending that there were cowboys and indians all around. *laughs brightly*

===Now Playing I Wish It Would Rain Down: Genesis===

I remember thunderstorms. Being scared and calling out for Mommy... and Dad showed up... big, scary... and he picked me up and carried me into Mom and Dad's room... and then he went back out to fight against that nasty thunder storm... it took a while... and I was scared for him... He went back out into that nasty thunderstorm (outside their bedroom door, into the hallway, to get my Brother from his room) and came back with Dan... But... then... horror of horrors, he left again... I thought he was gone... I mean... that storm was pounding hard... and it was so loud it shook the house... and lighting had been flashing... I didn't want him to get hurt. and it took a long time for him to come back... And I remember huddling next to mom on the bed, scared that something had happened to my new daddy... I must have been about four or so.

Then... he came back into the room... and ya know what? There wasn't any more thunder. And there wasn't any more lightening. *laughs softly, brightly* He won. He beat up that great big, loud, mean storm. And he came back safe. He didn't leave.

I was so happy.

I hugged him so tightly.

These memories have been gone from my mind for nearly 25 years, folks. I feel so alive. I feel like life has been returned to me. Oh... this just..... God, please let them feel this. For a few minutes... for a lifetime. Thank you, Father, for life. For glorious, marvelous, miraculous life.

===Now Playing Miracle: VH===

Thank you, friends, for listening to me. I truly hope that each of you can understand, at least in some small part, the way I feel. And I hope that you realize I'm not a candidate for that white jacket police.

I'm happy.

I'm alive.

It's been far too long since I've felt such simple joy.

Peace unto thy hearts, my dear, dear, dear friends and loved ones. You are special and cherished in every way.

is there a trace
inside her face
of a lonely miracle
and so you wait
and lie awake
for a lonely miracle
all you wanted was a...
all you needed was a...
miracle...
a miracle