Well, today is yet another day in the endless persuit of life. Or something.

Had an interesting few days this week. I'm frustrated with my sister. Again. *chuckles*

I simply don't understand her. ANd yet, I can't really complain much cause within the "pages" of this journal, I bitch and sound self centered all the damned time.

I figure, if I'm going to be bitching and self-centered, MY diary is the perfect place to do that. I don't go around bitching at everyone I meet about how unfair my life is. I don't complain or rant to people the way I complain and rant in this diary.

The complaint in regard to my sister? The same thing I've been bitching about in here for a year now. She's so damned, fucking self-centered. It really, really pisses me off. It doesn't surprise me at all that she and my brother liked each other. Hell, it was my brother who was trying to give me lessons in being more selfish.

No lie.

Well, okay, it's not exactly a lie, but it's a little exagerating. My brother's words to me were, and I do quote. "You have to learn to be more selfish."

Regardless... the story...

My niece, 9 and a half years old, has gone to her grandfather's house for two weeks. He's in San Diego. This is her first time on a plane by herself, this is the first time she's been so far away from her mom.

the niece called her mother either today or yesterday and said that she was lonely and missed her mother. That there was no one there to talk to and she just really missed having her mom there.

What did my sister say? Not something like "Oh honey, I know it's hard to be away from home, but you'll be back soon. And I know you'll have fun there too." Nope, nothing like that.

My sister said. "Now you understand why I want a husband."

*sighs*

Gah. So completely self-centered.

My sister makes a very good guardian. She makes sure the kids have food and are taken care of. But she is NOT a good mother. She does not do the whole nurturing, loving thing. She tollerates her children.

Oh, please, don't get me wrong here. She loves them. She cares for them and she provides for them. But she is NOT loving toward them.

She doesn't do a lot of involved holding and tenderness. She ignores them a lot. When they come over to our house, both of them immediately come to either Mom or me for hugs and holds. They get their emotional love, that human contact, from Mom and me.

*sighs*

Anyway... that's not all.

We went today to look at the house that Mom and Dad are trying to buy. Their offer has been accepted, we just need the mortage loan and stuff to be accepted and to have the paperwork all signed and stuff.

But, Mom and I went with the sister and nephew to look at the house. Mom wanted to show it and do a little of that looking in the windows and planning where the furniture would go, who would get to do what in which rooms and all that stuff. You know, the whole dreaming about the house. Happy, joy-filled stuff.

The whole evening, however, the sister was complaining about her own life. How her experiences and knowledge were unappreciated and how the men she was interested in weren't showing interest in her. She was saying that if this most recent guy doesn't show some interest in her soon, then she's going to take that as the "sign" that she's not supposed to get married again.

*rolls her eyes*

Mom and the sister were up on the deck of the new house, looking out at the pond and I could almost FEEL mom's disappointment. Mom thought this would be a wonderful gift. A wonderful, joy-filled sharing of future dreams and hopes and goals. But no, sister had to turn this wonderful event into a pity party for her.

*growls*

I know exactly why she liked Sympatico so much. He focused his entire attention on her.

She told me, with that glee-ful look on her face, that she liked him. He was cool. And the best part was that "he admitted I was right."

*rolls her eyes*

There was a conversation sister and I had a while back. She was talking, yet again, about how unfair her life was. She was bemoaning the fact that she had done nothing wrong and that it was so unfair that she was here, divorced and raising two children alone.

I listened to her bitch and complain for about two hours. (she had "dropped by to see how I was doing"). My part of the conversation was "Uh huh." "Yes" "oh, I see" and "mmhhmmm" All without even a pause from her.

Regardless, she was complaining and moaning about how unfair her life was. Specifically, she was upset because having the kids was slowing her down and she wanted her life to be different. She commented, many times, that she hadn't done anything to get in this place. That it, basically, wasn't her fault.

*shakes her head*

I looked at her, fed up by this time.

My voice was calm and cool, but with a kind of... hard, edge to it.

"You spread your legs to him on your first date."

She got pissed and left, saying... "Well, I'll go then."

*rolls her eyes yet again*

Anyway, I should probably stop this bitching and whining. I'm irritating myself with all this self-centered pettiness.

Til next time, mine dahlinks.