My Great Aunt died this morning. She was nearing 79 years old. She had cancer.

I'm not exactly sure how to feel about that.

We weren't really close or anything. I can't remember the last time I saw her, really. It was probably about 15 years ago or so. She lives in Ohio.

*shrugs*

I'm kind of... well... numb. When I think about it, I get a little misty, but I think that's because I feel like I'm supposed to be upset.

I don't know.

It would be a lot like me hearing about the mother of some kid I knew in kindergarten having died. There wasn't any emotional attachment. There wasn't any great bond. No cards, no letters. Nothing like that. No birthday or Christmas greetings in either direction.

I just... I'm kind of blank. And I don't like that. I like it when I can appropriately identify the emotion. Then I can put it away and stop having to deal with the problems.

Is it "wrong" to say, "My Great Aunt died today and I don't know how I feel about that."?

Hmmmm, so this is being added about 20 minutes later.

I'm not depressed or anything... I'm just kind of curious as to what it is I'm feeling. I think it's the over-analytical side of me needing to know what I'm not feeling. It's like there's a programed response and since I'm not feeling that response, my brain is trying ascertain why.

I think what I'm feeling is abivilance. Therefore, because I have identified it... I can put it away.

Thanks for listening.