Well, okay.. for those of you who have no idea what happened today, let's have a little review.

Starting at nearly 8:45am East Coast time, tower one of the World Trade Center was crashed into by a jet carrying 92 passengers. At aproximately 8:50 am East Coast Time, another jet crashed into the second tower of the World Trade Center carrying aproximately 64 passengers. (If you don't know where the World Trade Center is, it's in Manhattan, in New York.)

At aproximately 10am the first tower imploded, collapsing to the ground. At aproximately 10:15 am a third jet crashed into the CT area (Counter Terror) of the Pentagon. At aproximately 10:28am the second tower of the World Trade Center imploded and collapsed. At aproximately 10:30 am all air systems were shut down (commercial and private air travel). At aproximately 10:50 all museums and monuments in the New York and Washington DC. Areas were shut down/closed in order for tourists to be evacuated. The FAA canceled and shut down all in coming and outgoing flights, re-routing a few trans-atlantic flights to destinations along the West Coast.

All federal and government buildings in Los Angeles, California were evacuated. The Sears tower in Chicago was evacuated. Allegedly, all theme parks closed their doors. Israel has claimed tomorrow as a National day of Mourning for the plight of the US. And we are nationally holding at Threat Con Delta.

At aproximately 5:20 pm, (again, Eastern Time) Building 7 of the World Trade Center collapses.

At aproximately 8:32pm Eastern, President George W. Bush stated that the acts of terrorism perpetrated against the US today were acts of war. He stated that there would be no difference between terrorists and the people who harbor them.

What that means, ladies and gentlemen, is that we are a nation at war with terrorists and terrorism. That means that if you are giving sanctuary to someone who perpetrates terrorist activities, then you are guilty by association.

So, what do I think about all this? I know that there's one part of me that has the blood lust. There's a part of me that wants to release Marcinko and his equals so that they can do some effective counter terror. There's a part of me that wants to join the ranks and root for the military and all.

And, there's a part of me that wants to yawn, shrug and change the channel. There's a part of me that would be willing to watch nickelodeon even if that was the only thing other than coverage of this attack. This part of me wants to pretend it didn't happen. After all, I don't live in New York. I have friends who live in New York, but I don't live there. And I daresay I don't know anyone who works at the World Trade Center. The only person I know of who lives anywhere near Washington DC is Bobby and I've only read him for a short time now.

Regardless... there are many different sides to my personality and to my opinions. I'm ambivilant at this moment. I'm not deciding how I "feel" as yet. I have the sensation of being a stone-faced reporter who's just reading words on the teletype.

I envision movies like Wag the Dog and such and I wonder just how much of this story is actual and how much is media hype. I think about the people who were so desperate... who were so terrified and desperate that they jumped from offices 40 and 50 stories off the ground. (For those of you who don't know, the World Trade Center Towers were both 110 stories tall. Building 7 was tiny in comparison, at only about 47 or so stories tall)

Then, of course, I turn to thoughts a little closer to home. For instance, when it's ten years down the road and people are talking about this day they way they talk about the Gulf War, I wonder what my Nephew's friends will say. Today is his birthday. He's 9.

A part of my mind, I guess you could call it the CPU. Is sitting back in a soft leather chair before its control pad, watching everything that's happening around it. That part of me is watching with many different foci right now. I see the pain and anguish and fear of some individuals. I see the rage and fury of bitter and helpless individuals. I feel the impotent, quickly-fading irritation of the mass of this Nation and I wonder if we have gotten so fat and lazy that we will allow someone to enter our house, bring a hack saw, start dragging it slowly, back and forth against our little toe while we sit there dumbly accepting the loss without a question because it isn't something major like a heart.

So the CPU is watching all these perspectives and sees all these emotions and is sorting them at an ultra high rate of speed. All the while, I'm sitting here, staring at the TV screen, taking in more and more information not reacting any more strongly than to blink or get a drink of water.

Part of me is wondering if I should actually react with more passion to this mess. And yet... what would more passion garner? Would I be able to solve the problem? No. Would I be able to undo the crashes? Nope. Would I be able to find the nearly 400 lost and un-accounted-for Emergency Response personnel? Nope. Would I be able to find the perpetrator and bring them to their just end? Nope. Do I even know what that just end is? Nope.

My Mother watches the news reports and has a look of firy passion within her eyes. There is a rage there. An anger and a feeling of 'how dare you fuck with mine". And I wonder if I should feel that. And I wonder why I don't feel that. I wonder why I don't feel heart broken for the plight of these people. I wonder why I don't feel enraged and violently angry. I wonder why I don't react with some passionate spurt.

And then, I realize one thing... I don't have an opinion yet.

I can't condemn a specific terrorist because I don't know that he did the deed. It has not been proven to me that some specific person has done something wrong. And, I've never been all that good with being angry at some nameless/faceless entity. If I am going to be pissed off about something, I need a reason.

Therefore, I have the reason to be angry, but I don't have the focus. I could get angry at Satan, stating that he "did" something today, but that's petty as per my personal religious beliefs. Were I to blame satan, that would be giving him power. Why would I want an enemy of mine to have power? If I get angry with or at satan, then that validates that he has the ability to do something... that he has the ability to "get" to me.

I choose not to give him that power.

Therefore, since I don't have a human focus for the anger, I will wait to feel it. The purpose for anger, in my life, is to fuel me. IT provides me with strength and physical power to effect some change in my life.

What do I need to change about my life because of this World Trade Center mess? Nothing yet. If I had money, I'd send money to the red cross. If I were closer, I'd donate blood, or rather, I'd offer to. They deny me because I'm too fat, supposedly. If I were in New York, I would assist with the Triage units. I don't have medical experience, but I can apply bandaids and cleans wounds.

So, if I can't actually do anything to help this situation, and I can't actually fix it, change it or alter it, what reason do I have to be angry?

I don't know if my true meaning is getting through or if I'm just ticking people off by sounding as if I don't care.

I don't not care. I am non-reactive. If there were something I could actively do, I would be doing it. However, I do not have any interest or intention in/of reacting emotionally. Flipping into hysterics will accomplish even less than simply not reacting.

How do I feel about the terrorist, whomever it may be? Do I think he should be killed mercilessly? I don't know. If it were my decision to create a plan of attack, what would I do?

I would find Marcinko. I would walk up to him and say this:

"I"m Jennifer. I'm a fat chick who has no real knowledge or understanding of the military, fighting, war, terrorism or counter terror. I have read your books. I have been entertained by your fictional pieces and I believe that you have a much better grasp on what is needed now. You tell me what you need me to do and if I can, I'll do it. Otherwise, you have the knowledge in this situation. I'll pray, you do the fighting."

If we were in a situation where some musician/singer was injured and needed help in limiting the damage that injury would cause their talent, then I could do something. I could make healing teas, work with gentle massage, suggest medications and excersizes which would actually help.

IF you want me to fight, you're simply talking to the wrong person. I don't feel the anger or rage or injustice anymore. God carries that for me. Except in the case of children...

*smiles faintly* Not every case of children, but those cases where the fathers ignore their children...

You know what? I'm not even angry about Patricia anymore. *Smiles softly*

In my opinion, It is up to God to chose what gets done next. If He wants me to hitch hike to New York so that I can aid in the relief efforts, then I will do that... I'll argue with Him a little bit because hitching to New York... hell, being in New York at all, is something I REALLY don't want to do... but if He commanded it of me, I'd do it.

However, the command I get from God is this... "Pack, dear child. You have a lot to do in two days."

*chuckles* And ya know what? He's very, very right.

So, What's my take on the whole terrorist act? Right now I'm concentrating on packing and throwing shit away. I'll think about the "tragedy" as the world is calling it, when I have time. I will be compassionate and kind to those who are directly affected, and I will listen to the reports of what is happening. I will watch what our President says and what options are put to me...

But I won't get hysterical. If there is anything I need to do, I will do it. Until then, I will continue packing while the person who is guarding the gate continues to tell me that it's 9 O'clock and all's well. When I"m told to do a different job, I'll do a different job.

Sounds kinda wierd and psychotic doesn't it?

*Shrugs*

I understand what I mean.