I have a problem...

I'm a woman.

I'm a woman who grew up in an extremely strict religious household. Thus I learned a lot of misconceptions. A lot of lies which were not intended to be learned. Okay, so that's about as confusing as a Dvorak score [for those who don't know, Dvorak (pronounced /D'vohr zshahk/ think Jaque Cousteau) is a composer who wrote some of the most irritating classical music in the world. It's difficult to sing as there are many dissonant notes and strange intervals]...

Regardless, I had a point at one time.

Oh yes, religious lessons learned. The church I grew up in had the best intentions. They were creating men and woman who would be an asset to the world at large. Only they were training men and women in the meathods of the previous generations. And that was futile for this day and age.

There is rarely a use anymore for the stay-at-home wife and mother. There are very few families, in this day and age, where the husband is the sole provider, leader and ruler of the household and the wife takes second place...

But that's what I was trained for. I grew up in this church. I was indoctrinated with the beliefs of a system that worked during the 20's 30's and 40's. But this is a new millenium. I am a person who was told, indirectly, that the best I had to hope for was a husband who respected me and would provide me with a house and home and children.

I want more.

But I don't really know how to get that "more" nor do I know specifically what "more" I want. I just know I'm not satisfied with who and what I am. And I also know that in this world today, in order for me to be "good" for a man, I need to have a hell of a lot more than I have now.

And that brings me to another point... (hang on, the ride only gets more bumpy from here)

What DO I have to offer a man? What makes me marriage material? If anything...

I'm fat, so that's an instant negative. Most men out there don't want to be seen with a fat woman.

I'm extremely tall... another negative. Most men don't want to be seen with a woman taller than they are. And I am taller than a lot of men. Hell, I'm 6'1" bare foot.

But I have a pretty face. *rolls her eyes* I've been told that so many times it's pathetic. "You have such a nice face, if only you could do something about the rest of you."

I mean, Cmon, in the words of Stephanie Tanner... "How Rude!"

Regardless... What do I have to offer?

I am one of the most kind and gentle women in this entire world. Just ask Bob. He'll tell ya the truth. I want everyone in this world to be happy and healthy and to feel fulfilled and at peace, at the very least with me. *chuckles quietly*

I also have a tremendous guilt complex, but that's not one of the things I have to offer a man.

I'm kind and gentle of heart, word and deed. I believe in those who have grown close to me, and vice versa (those I've grown close to). I have an instant compassion for those who are hurt or sad. I have an affinity for animals (is that why I like men?????), and I believe in tender words.

I am one of the best cooks in the North West. I'm grounded (down to earth) and honest. I'm faithful and integrity is quite important to me, whether I can spell it or not.

I'm very good with children, I can sew, cook, clean etc. Of course, I DON'T clean and I rarely sew. I can tho.

But what I really need to find is a man who is rich. Cause I don't want to work. I can, and when I do, I work very hard, very dilligently. I'm one of those irritating people who works faster and harder for less because I believe in an honest day's work for an honest day's pay.

But I don't want to work. I want someone to come along and sweep me off my feet. Set me up in a home, with a life and a world at my feet. I want a man to pamper me and love me and honor me and make me feel like I am his sun, moon and stars.

And in return for that, he gets my undying love and devotion. He gets those words as he is falling asleep... "I love you. You are the most incredible man this world has ever known. I am so very proud of you and you are the epitome of my perfect desire. You are the man I was created for. Without you I would be nothing."

But men don't want that anymore. Men don't want their women to tell them how precious and wonderful and perfect they are. Men want women to ogle them from afar. Men want women to fuck them, give them blow jobs, then fold up and hide in the closet until the man needs another beer.

Men don't value good conversationalists. Men just don't care much anymore.

They want to go to work, come home, drink beer, eat dinner, get a blow job and go to sleep. They want to be awakened in the morning by a blow job, possibly roll over and get a quick fuck, then go off to work to play with their guy friends.

*shrugs*

I may have a slightly biased opinion here.

Okay, so I was a married woman. I was a wife. I had a husband who worked hard. And he loved me. He really did. He just didn't know how to show it. *shakes her head, sadly* I think I'm going to stop here. I'm getting far too maudlin.

However, don't get the wrong impression... I do not regret getting divorced. I do not want my ex back. I don't even want to know where he is. (at the moment he's either in Montana, Colorado, Illinois, or Georgia. The stories are many, and varied.)

I'm glad I'm divorced. But I'd like to have a boyfriend. I just don't........ nevermind. I'll save the rest of this rant for another day.

Suffice it to say, I don't have a lot of faith in the romantic interests of men at this time. I have a guy I'm deeply in love with. And he doesn't want me for more than a simple friendship. *sighs* There's another guy who's interested in me and says he thinks he might actually love me. But he's married. *rolls her eyes* isn't that the way life goes?

*chuckles quietly*

C'est la vie, non?

Til next time, friends.

Please bring your seat backs and tray table to their full upright position. Do not unfasten your seatbelts until the plane has come to a full and complete stop at the terminal.

Peace unto thy hearts.

Tigre Fatalis