Performers I�m listening to: Much the same as the previous few nights. Yankovic, Staind, Dream Theater, Clapton and Toby Keith. No Oakenfeld tonight.

I was a bad, bad girl today. The carpet cleaner guys came back. Mom wanted him to clean my carpet, hoping to get the smell out. He did so. It didn�t work. So, Mom�s gonna have him come back in the near future, dunno when, and rip up the carpet from my room. *shrugs* That�s all fine and good. It�s just gonna mean that I�m stuck without carpet. No biggie. I can get an area rug or something so I don�t freeze my �tootsies� off. (toes)

My sleep last night was terrible. I went to bed around midnight or so. Fell asleep at about 12:30. Woke up 15 minutes later. That went on for about an hour. Sleeping in fits is not something I enjoy. So, about three or so I gave up and just got up, logged on and went through my Email accounts, closing down the ones I don�t use anymore. This brings me down to only about 8 different Email addies, rather than 27. *chuckles*

Anyway, I called my boss this morning at 7am asking if we could postpone work as I didn�t get sleep. She was really sick. I called her tonight, wondering if we would work tomorrow... nope, she�s off tomorrow and probably Thursday too.

But, the point... The part where I was a bad, bad girl...

Today when the carpet cleaner guy came over, I had to pick up some stuff from the floor, get Joey�s dog bed off the floor, pick up all the bones he�s been chewing and such. I took my chair and a basket of dirty clothes into the other room. I was tired. Back hurt a lot, but there was more to do, so I couldn�t stop.

I got through all the cleaning up (took about 20 minutes, if that) but it just totally knocked me out of commission. I figured if I just sat and relaxed for a bit, I�d be fine. Heh.

So, the carpet cleaner guy left and I was getting ready to put the chair back in front of the desk so that I could go on-line and check my message boards and stuff. Heh.

I took the basket of clothes off the chair and twisted. Bad, bad girl. I felt the snap in my back. I felt it. My bad. My very bad, even. *chuckles lamely*

So, did I do the smart thing and just drop the basket to limit the damage to my back? Nope. I continued with the twist-bend-place thing. *shakes her head* Very, very bad girl. I think I could have been a musical instrument. Crack-snap-wrench-POP-�SHIT!�. Yeah, that�s about how it went.

*rolls her eyes*

So, the pain inflicted Saturday was ebbing. This is Tuesday, folks. And again I�m out of commission. Except this time, it hurts to move. It hurts to twist. It hurts to bend, shift, move, breathe. *rolls her eyes*

If I do this again, I�m going to go to the emergency room and see if I can at least get some decent pain meds. I�ve taken a 650 mg arthritis pain pill. I have three more here at my side. If this first one doesn�t kick in here soon, I�m gonna take another one.

I�m off work for a while, I can�t sleep in my room due to the chemical deodorizer thing and I can�t move very well. Climbing stairs hurts a hell of a lot.

Luckily typing doesn�t require any special motion. I can move my fingers without moving my wrists much and that means I don�t move my arms, and that means I don�t pull at my back.

I do think, though, that there�s a drowsiness additive to these pain pills, cause I�m a little sleepy. That could be because I didn�t sleep well last night, but I kinda don�t think so.

Good news today too...

I got a whole bunch of new clothes. Wonderful stuff. Two new blouses and a new dress. WOOHOO. They�re gorgeous and classy looking and they�re so much better than the sweats and T-shirts I�ve been wearing for what seems to be the past 10 years. *chuckles* It hasn�t really been that long, it just feels like it.

One of the blouses is in a leopard print with leopard eyes on the front and back. On the back, the eyes are right on my butt. *grins* I can now say that I have eyes that see behind me. *grins big*

Yeah, I know, stupid joke, but admit it, you love me anyway.

Anyway, the other blouse is black with colorful patches around the waist and hips with iridescent bead work on the patches. It�s really cool and quite classy.

The dress is mainly in brown tones (appropriate for me) with a largely black top portion. There are many angles and a lot of classy beadwork on the various hems. It looks really good and will look comfortable and classy with either slacks underneath or hose and dressy boots.

I really like these new clothes. It�s been quite a while since I�ve had clothes I enjoyed a lot. Most of the time I buy for comfort and inexpensive durability. But these... these are just.... *laughs at herself* They�re classy and they go well with the new image I�m putting out there.

They go well with the persona I like... that I enjoy who and what I am and if someone else doesn�t, it�s not going to be the end of me.

I�ve been thinking a lot about Duncan lately. I miss him. Well, maybe �miss� is the wrong word. I�m concerned about him. I want to know how he is and if he is happy. I want him to know that I am happy; that it took me a long time, but finally... finally, I�m happy. I want to tell him that if he�s happy with Patricia, then that�s good.

I think about that sentence. Do I really think it�s good? *nods slowly* Yes, I do. I still don�t want to associate with her and I would rather not see her, but I no longer wish ill toward her.

*smiles softly* Maybe I had to get over my own self-hatred before I could deal with my hatred of her. Do I still think Duncan made a bad choice in choosing her? Yes. But, I don�t wish him to leave her anymore. If what they have is working for him, then that�s good.

I think this is a sign of further emotional and mental growth... of being more healthy. That�s what I�m going to take it for, so there. *chuckles*

I talked with Dave again last night. I asked if he would be interested in meeting me in person at my Grandmother�s birthday thing. It�s in about two weeks, depending on whether or not we�re actually going to do something. *chuckles* I�m actually quite glad he said he�d rather meet me in person alone the first time.

*laughs*

I remember stories Mom told me of taking her three-years-steady boyfriend home for a week between the end of classes and his graduation from college. *shakes her head* After that week where her family just went ballistic and acted like total asses, he left and didn�t look back. He joined the Peace Corps and never told her.

*chuckles* Yes, I laugh. Because I know that family. My family can be extremely daunting for anyone to meet, but especially someone who isn�t quite a confirmed �friend� yet. *rolls her eyes*

The first time I meet Dave, I want it to be just he and I. I did, however, mean the invitation. There�s a part of me that would far rather have the support system of my family around me when I meet someone I�ve never met and don�t know very well.

Hey, I�m nervous as hell about actually meeting up with Dave. I go through all those ridiculously far-fetched ideas and thoughts. What if he lied about his height? What if he lied about his gender? What if he�s really some psycho who wants to cut me up into little pieces? What if he�s really some nut-job who wants my skin to make a flesh-dress from, hmm?

*laughs at herself* I would like to think that I�m a little better judge of character than that. But... Well, I went through the same nervous questions when I actually met Charles and then later when I met Sympatico. *laughs at herself* Seriously.

You know, I talked to Charles about two months before I went out there. I�d already had the plans to visit set for about six months or so. I had already purchased the material for costumes. I had already started making them, even. I had made arrangements to get a suitcase which would hold all my shit. *laughs*

Still, I told him that I wasn�t sure if I could make it, that I wasn�t sure I would actually want to go to the SCA thing and that I thought I was too fat to go. *rolls her eyes* I told him that I was scared and nervous and I thought he�d hate me the second he saw me and I didn�t want to be stranded at the airport in Dallas for two weeks.

*laughs* He said he wouldn�t leave me there. He said that even if he didn�t like me, he figured he could force himself to be polite. *laughs*

I was such a big chicken.

For those of you who were reading me back last year, I obviously went and I had a great time. I�m not going this year, due to financial problems. I figure if I am willing to bust my butt and spend between 600 and a 1000 bucks on a week long camping trip, it would be a wiser thing for me to bust my butt and spend that money on getting my license reinstated.

I�m trying to do the responsible thing this year. *chuckles*

Charles said that when the SCA became more important than real life, it was time to take a step back. I agree with that. That�s how I�ve been in light of the Internet and my previous RPing stuff. I used to spend upwards of 6 or 7 hours a night, every night, in Yahell chat, RPing.

It used to be that I would spend anywhere from 10 to 15 hours a day on-line. I�ve cut that down to about 5 hours a day, max. Every once in a while I�ll have a splurge and spend 7 hours on-line, but that�s rare, and lately, I haven�t made it more than 3 hours at a stretch.

I think this is a good thing too. Working helps. Having to be awake by 7 in order to start work at 7:30 means that I really do have to be asleep by 1am. I get back from work anywhere between noon and 1 in the afternoon and catch a one or two hour nap, then play around on-line for an hour or so.

Starting the end of February or so, my hours should increase due to the approaching Tax season. Not only will I have to prepare the quarterlies for both companies, but I�ll also have to prepare the yearlies. That doesn�t mean that I�m actually doing the taxes, but I do have to go through the files and double check everything. I have to make sure that the payments and bills are all caught up. And I have to make sure that the payments owed the companies are caught.

The hospital out here has been advertising for a billing clerk. I might just have to apply for that. Dunno that I really �want� to, but... I like having the work to do. And I like the additional freedoms and... mostly, I like the new-found self respect.

It�s not that I think working gave me self respect, but I do think that having something productive to do every day, out of the house, has made it necessary for me to move more often. It has given me the opportunity to behave like a �normal� working person instead of the belligerent hunch-front of notre Long Beach. *grins*

For the past 9 years or so, I have hated February. This year? *shakes her head* This is gonna be a fantastic February. Hell, it�s only the 22nd of January and already I feel wonderful. Already I feel improvements in the air, so to speak.

My life can only get better; back pain and all.

*grins*

And, with that, I�m going to close this specific entry. It�s now 9pm and I�ll be posting this in the next few minutes. After I run spell check, of course. *grins* I might just have to start working on my book again. This would be a very good year for it.

Peace unto thy hearts, my friends.