Today is my birthday. This is a very good thing. I am 32 today.

Because it is my birthday, I want to talk about the things I have learned over the past year. There have been a few monumental, to me, changes in my life.

In this past year:
• I stopped hating myself. I learned that I really and truly love who and what I am.

• I began singing again. I started singing to the radio and even sang when there was no one to hear me. I sang three times for Church and as of this coming Sunday, will be singing for a group of 500 or so (Church). I even went out for Karaoke while Sympatico was up here.

• I discovered a deeper and more intense relationship with God. I learned about power and about my place in God�s plan for me. I found my true and unwavering �soul-mate� in Jesus. And with these things came a sense of peace so complete that never before had I felt so alive; and safe.

• My broken heart was healed - completely. I feel like the Tim McGraw song Unbroken in which he talks about how his heart wasn�t just repaired, but was unbroken; that he had never felt the pain; that the cold and hateful words had never been spoken. And, that is, indeed, how I feel now.

• I stopped hating my ex�s girlfriend. I decided that Duncan truly had to make his own choices and then live with them. I realized that I truly love him as a human being and want the best for him.

  ==I heard, through gossip, that Duncan and Patricia have split up. I don�t know if that�s really true, but I have yet to see Duncan in order to ask him about it. I must admit that I hope to befriend him again through this next year, and, perhaps, be a good influence in his life. whether or not that happens, however, is irrelevant.

• I started working at a legitimate job. Atop that, I got a raise. I work for a woman who is very feminine and have learned from her that being feminine is not a bad thing.

• Through my boss, I have learned that �feminine� and �weak� are not synonymous.

• I have allowed myself to cry. I haven�t needed to very often, but I no longer feel shame when I do cry.

• I finally realized my philosophy, that of being limited only by what I believe. It became real to me; understandable and proven.

• I met Lee, Karen and Nick. I got to spend time with them and got to have real and genuine conversation with contemporaries. And, I didn�t flip out or run away. I got the opportunity to dive into Lee�s head in person and it was very, very good.

• I got to spend an afternoon with Bioux. I got to put a face to the diary and had the whole �Don�t judge a book by its cover� thing proven beyond the shadow of a doubt. He�s a good, young man with very definite opinions. As time moves forward, I personally think his current zeal with shift from aggressive to assertive. I could be very wrong about that though.

  ==I earnestly hope he never loses his zeal. I have seen too many people embrace everything Godly then slack off after a couple years until the mention of God actually made them cringe. Bioux isn�t like that. He has a fire and passion which I find to be refreshing. Though he and I don�t always agree as far as interpretation, and our philosophies rarely mesh, I see so much of value in him. I believe God is working with him on a daily basis.

• I have gained a real relationship with my Father. We talk with each other, confide in each other and we are in agreement with each other more often than not. We have a loving bond which hasn�t been there since I was 8 years old. It is so very wonderful to have my Dad back. I have missed him all these years.

• I have made three major forays into building the Ebay business. We have had very good results and both Dad and myself are pleased.

• I recognized and admitted that my Mother has some definite control issues. I learned to stop defending her solely on the grounds of her being my Mother. This is a tremendous step for me.

• The knowledge which is most important to me, above all the rest, is that I finally know what I want to do with my life. Perhaps the more accurate way to say that is that now I know HOW to attain the goals I�ve had. I want to be a minister. This realization is very important as I have been playing around with my life for a long, long time.

  Becoming a minister encapsulates everything I have an interest in. it satisfies my desire to heal hearts. It gives me the chance to teach. I can sing, I can talk about God and Jesus and I can do these things without becoming a �Bible-Thumper� or forcing my beliefs upon someone else.

With all I�ve learned and accomplished this past year, what do I want to accomplish during this next year?

This next year:
• I want to look back and see that I am truly and completely smoke free.

• I want to have a half-time job rather than just ten to twenty hours a month. My preference would be for the Ebay business to take off and be enough to support both my Father and myself.

• I want to be even more healthy than I am now.

• I want to be height-weight proportionate.

• I want to have my license, own a car and have the insurance paid up.

• I want to have a real and honest relationship with my brother. It�s time to do away with the grudge he�s been holding for more than a decade.

• I want to look back upon this year and know that my best was, indeed, good enough; more than good enough, even.

• I want to be enrolled in school full-time come next Fall.

• I want to be singing in church at least once a month, if not more often.

• I want to start up the newsletter again and have steady, monthly issues sent out.

• I want at least three other people infected with this current feeling of invincibility.

  The invincibility is not personal strength but a sense of Spiritual completeness; a place within the relationship with Jesus where no matter what happens, no matter who does what and where and when, I know I�m safe. I want at least three other people to know that feeling; to know how... complete it is.

For the time being, that�s enough. I�ll probably think of many more things I could add in the coming days, but for the time being, that�s gonna do it.

The next couple days are going to be very tight for me, then I�m gone for a week. I�ll be packing and cleaning and doing laundry tomorrow and Thursday. Friday morning we leave for Bend. It should be extremely interesting. I�m eagerly looking forward to it.

This will, indeed, be my best Feast so far. My life gets better every single day. I hope everyone gets the chance to feel this wonderful inside their skin.

I can remember, not so long ago, when I couldn�t stand who I was. I couldn�t stand the sight of me. I couldn�t stand the thought of me. Now, however, I love me. All of me. I am at peace and it�s such a wonderful feeling. It�s so very perfect to be here. I am loved. And, I love me.

Peace unto thy hearts.