God the Father and Jesus the Son

I believe that God has a Son and that His name is Jesus. I also believe that Jesus is God with God. I believe that Jesus was born of the human mother, Mary, and that she was impregnated miraculously.

I have struggled over how to explain why I believe these things. As yet, I have not come up with any answer. I don�t have a signed affidavit from Jesus stating that He visited my room, told me He was God�s Son and that He is God with God. I can�t begin to know how to explain or convince someone else of this specific belief.

Simply, I believe because I am still alive. There was a time when I felt wretched. I knew that there was a �God�, but I didn�t have a personal relationship with Him. I believed Him to be akin to that distant grandfather you never actually talk to; you hear about him, you catch a glimpse of him once in a while, but he doesn�t actually have anything to say to you.

I was ambivalent toward God for a long while. Many things contributed to this ambivalence:

� a step-father who seemed to think that being a good father was just providing for and protecting the women and children

� a deep and profound depression following a sexual assault

� dropping out of college

� the betrayal of a trusted friend

� falling into despair

� self-mutilation and an actual suicide attempt

� dropping out of a second college

� having my �sacrifice� rejected (the suicide attempt)

� the death of a very, very good friend

� the death of my grandfather

� the loss of my dog

� an abysmal attempt at marriage

In the interest of keeping my audience awake, I will not go into the details of these things (even though that would have eaten up about four pages of this paper). The gist of it is this. I spent a little over ten years trying to convince myself that I didn�t really need God in my life. I attempted to handle my life all on my own. I gave up all hope of a just and loving God and simply thought of Him as a distant observer.

I wasn�t able to ignore the reality of God, however. I still remembered when He�d resurrected my dog. I remembered that time when I was at college when Jesus held me. I remembered various other miracles He had performed for me throughout my life. My foundation in God was strong and sure. I just hadn�t ever built a house upon that foundation.

I finally understood and accepted the reality of Jesus in the early spring of 1999. I was whining to myself about how my life had turned out so very differently than I had thought it would. I was driving in my car, complaining about my ex husband�s part in our divorce. I was bemoaning my position in life, believing not only that I didn�t have the love I so intensely desired, but that I would never and could never have it.

I was driving down the road and got a picture in my head. It was instant but eternal. Only three words were spoken, but they changed my life forever.

The �vision� was of God�s grand throne room; a grand audience chamber. There was a semi-circle of incredible blue-gray marble steps surrounding the throne of God. The entire room was comprised of this extraordinary blue-gray marble.

God was sitting upon the throne, listening to the petitions of a mass of people. Jesus was sitting on the steps near His feet and I was there between Jesus and God. Jesus leaned over, as if to whisper into my ear. He elbowed me in the side and said, �I love you.�

There was such a familial feeling to that "vision". As God was conducting this official and important �business�, Jesus and I were His kids, watching the going�s on of the �big guy�. Jesus, in the position of my brother, poked me in the side with his elbow, at the feet of God, and laughingly said that He loved me. It was almost as if Jesus had said, �Hey, aren�t I good enough? I love you. Isn�t that enough to remove all your doubts?�

From that point forward, I knew that Jesus was the son of God. I knew that Jesus loved me. I knew that because Jesus loved me, so did God. And I knew that if I was loved enough to be a casual observer in the grand throne room of the almighty God, I would never, ever be alone, lost, broken or damaged again.