So, here I am sleeping� minding my own business� and I am awakened with the most incredible revelation. Well, okay, after having done the morning ritual, maybe it's not THE most incredible revelation, but it sure snapped a few things into place for me�

Let me try to lead you through this from the beginning.

I've often pondered the way David prays. The pondering began because of his consistent use of the words "Lord" and "God". They come out in nearly every sentence� sometimes two or three times in the same sentence. I have wondered in that "backhanded" way if he were trying to remind himself of who he was speaking to. Ya know, in a conversation with someone, you don't state their name every time you speak.

(example)

Anyway, so I have had that thought mulling around in my brain. The corollary to that is, well why should I care how he talks to God? It's his relationship, not mine�

Okay, so that's the set up.

The thought that woke me this morning is this�

The difference between my prayers and David's is that my relationship is with the Father, his is with the Brother.

Not so earth-shattering when you see it in plain text� but when you flesh it out a bit, it has tremendous impact to me.

Bear with me here� bumpy ride ahead.

Through the Church, I was taught to deal directly with the Father. Regardless as to what the truth is, that's how the Law sounds� that's how it seems to be formatted� Whether it was Jesus or God the Father who walked through the covenant with Abraham is irrelevant for this specific discussion� the fact remains, I learned to relate to the being of "God" as the Father.

This belief system was reinforced by the family dynamic. Through dad's mental issues (OCD, Bi-Polar, Diabetic/blood sugar and paranoia), I was taught to avoid the middle man; that I was to go directly to the top. I remember him often talking about going directly to the president, or the top dog� you don't deal with secretaries, VPs, salesmen, you went directly to the person who could make the change.

So, Church sponsored relationship with God the Father. Dad reinforced this with his paranoia about little fish � which could explain much of his own irritations� He was never the big fish in business/life/relationships until he had kids and could be the top dog� so if he had a "straight to the top" mentality, but he wasn't the "top" that's a possible source of low self-esteem� "only deal with the top dog" gets in the way when you aren't the top dog � and thus was installed my own ignorance of Jesus. Why should I talk to Jesus when I could go directly to the top dog?

My actual relationships with both Father � Dad and Charlie � and brothers � Dan and Charlie's sons � reinforced the warped nature of Dad's paranoid belief and Church teaching. Because the brother I lived with was damaged, I subconsciously associated damage to Jesus. Because the other two were not only unavailable to me but didn't know I existed, this reinforced the subconscious belief that I couldn't access Jesus and He wouldn't know me even if He passed me on the street (and vice versa). Because Dad often spoke of the Young Prince in such glowing terms� well, from my relationship with Bing, I subconsciously learned that even though he was not around much, he was perfect and I was not. I learned that his teen-age boy behavior (teasing, following Dad's lead, being mean) was the way Jesus felt about me� that I was a pest He was required to tolerate, and that the Father didn't love me as much as He loved His Real Son.

So� through my childhood, before 9, I knew that even though I wasn't good enough, wasn't ever going to be good enough, I could occasionally get some love from the father figure I knew. (Since Charlie wasn't there, he didn't count. More than that though, subconsciously I learned that I was so insignificant, such a little fish, that Charlie didn't want a relationship with me)

After 9, I knew that no matter how good or special or pleasing I was, the absolute best contact I could possibly hope for was a nod� unless someone had stolen from me something that belonged to him� then he would be big and defending and protective� when the item was returned, however (the bike and Clancy) the relationship went back to normal� he ignores me, I try not to piss him off.

Now�

This is the lesson that my relationship with Bing has taught me about my relationship with God the Father.

Jesus is the way to "soften God's heart". Because I have a relationship with Bing, I have a better relationship with, and a much better understanding of, Dad. Conversely, through a relationship with Jesus, I can have a better relationship with, and a deeper understanding of, God the Father.

Bing intercedes on my behalf with dad. He unifies us, makes us a family. Likewise, a relationship with Jesus, really makes me feel like I am a part of God's family.

Thus, if I want to really melt into the God Family construct, I need to really focus on Jesus more. Because� Jesus is not a little fish. He may not be "president" but He has a specific position.

Like a company/corporation, the CEO may be the top dog, but if you have a problem with the purchasing department, the person to speak to is the VP of purchasing� who will direct you to the person in charge of your specific complaint/issue. Conversely, if I have a problem, I need to take it to Jesus who will tell me how to handle it. If I'm not satisfied with the result, I can ask Jesus to take the issue to God the Father. Jesus, however, is specifically qualified to answer all my questions.

This does NOT mean that God is just a figurehead, or that He doesn't care about me or my problems. God the Father DOES care and He loves me very, very much� more than dad or Charlie ever could. But, Jesus has a specific position, that of intercessor, and by going straight to the top, I'm disrespecting Jesus. By ignoring the middle man, I am both ignoring the one who can answer all my questions, I'm telling Him that He isn't important enough to deal with.

So, the relationship with Jesus is key and that's what I really need to develop. I may not understand God's love language, but I DO understand Jesus' love language. AND, though both God and Jesus understand my love language, Jesus is the interpreter; I feel loved by the Father by being loved by the Brother.

In summary, these are the main points:

� Difference between David's prayers and mine: my relationship is with God the Father, his is with Jesus the Brother.
� Church sponsored a relationship with God the Father.
� Dad reinforced this with his paranoia about big fish/little fish � You don't talk to the middle man, you go directly to the top dog � thus my subconscious rule states that I shouldn't have a relationship with Jesus the Brother� that my relationship should always be with God the Father.
� From my pre-9 relationship with dad, I learned that though I could never be good enough, I could sometimes get some positive attention from God.
� From my post-9 relationship with dad, I learned that if someone stole an item God had given me to use, God would be big and protective and defending until God had gotten the item back (which didn't mean I would get to use it again), but most of the time, the absolute best I could hope for was a nod in my direction� that God didn't want me around, didn't particularly like me, and only tolerated me because He liked my mom.
� From my pre-16 relationship with Charlie, I learned that God the Father didn't care about me� Charlie didn't contact me in any way, which translated to his not caring about me one way or another.
� From my post-16 relationship with Charlie, I learned that if I chose to approach God the Father, He would be open and loving, but He wouldn't keep up contact. If I weren't there with Him, He wouldn't come find me.
� Through my relationship with Bing, I have learned that Jesus is the way to "soften God's heart". Because I know the son, I understand the father better. And, my brother intercedes on my behalf, making me look better in dad's eyes.

Thank you, Father� thank you, my Brother, for this revelation!