Grrrrrrrsss I hate power surges in the middle of an entry. When am I going to really take Charles' advice and do my entries in my WP program???

*sighs softly* I'll tell you when... Right now is when. *chuckles quietly*

Anyway, a very good friend of mine and I were conversing a little earlier this evening, and we were discussing friendships and what we meant to each other as far as friendship goes. Well, this person wrote this incredible paragraph that had me staring in shock at the screen.

I wasn't in shock that this person said what they did, or that they felt it... but that they felt it about me.... *smiles faintly* That's not exactly what I mean, perhaps I can make this a little more clear...

It has been my life-long dream to heal hearts. To be someone who could take pain away, who could make it a little easier for someone else to live. I don't want to be paid for this, I don't want to be praised and lauded as marvelous and wonderful..... (I want those things, but not for healing hearts. I want the praise and honor for singing, or something like that)

Anyway, what my friend told me, just made my whole week perfect. The words spoken negated every tear I've shed over the past week or so. The emotion and honesty behind the words have brought such a bright smile to my lips.

Unfortunately, I had the power surge before I was able to copy the exact paragraph... so I am reduced to paraphrasing. *smiles softly* Therefore... if I totally butcher this... I'm sorry, hon.

However, what I was told is that I have taken so much of this person's pain away. That this person considers me to be more patient and kind than any other ( I think the phrase was... "Your kindness and patience are unrivaled" But even that is a paraphrase) and that... "You are my best friend, Jen." and this person loves me completely.

Now, the way this person put it was far, far more poetic and concise and I really feel I'm doing an injustice to my friend, however, I wanted y'all to know exactly what it was that has made me into a melted pile of emotional-ness-osity-esque stuff.

It has long been, as I've mentioned before, oh probably, 38 million times, it has long been my goal to heal hearts. To be a source of strength, compassion, trust, faith, whatever.... to make someone else's life a little easier, even if it was just because I got out of their way...

*smiles tenderly*

To have a friend of mine, someone in whom I trust, someone I believe in, and someone I know will accomplish everything they really want to accomplish... to have someone say such things to me makes me feel two things, primarily.

1) nervous.

and

2) At complete peace

the peace is easy to explain. it comes from a sense of completing a task that was/is very important to me. To have a friend tell me that I have eased their pain... that is a gift so tremendous words can not begin to describe it.

However, the nervousness... Because I want to be able to do so much more, and I feel like I've let a friend down if I can't take away all the pain. Now, I know that this is an irrational reaction... It is not physically possible for one person to remove all of someone else's pain. In fact, it's not really possible for anyone to remove anyone else's pain at all.

Okay, I'm confusing myself here... and that's not good when I want to get this point across.

This is the point... If I were face to face with you, and you were crying, it would not be possible for me to reach my hand out and physically take pain from you. However, I could be there, even over the net, if you wanted to release some of that pain. I suppose it's like breath. I can not reach into your lungs and take air out of them. But, I could be there to feel that breath if you chose to exhale. I will be one who would hold your back, support your body with my own if necessary, in order to make breathig easier for you.

When I was a young child, I had asthema very badly. Sometimes, there was nothing that would help me breathe except to have my mother sit beside or behind me, supporting me at an angle. Well, like that... I can't make someone else breathe, but sometimes I can say the right word, or just be there to listen so that they can breathe a little easier.

That's what I want.

I want to support people. I want to be there to be a source of stability, or kindness, or tenderness, or ease.... something to make their lives even a little bit easier. I want to be a source of compassion, kindness, trust, value. I want people to walk away from me, feeling as if I have actually been positive for them. I want them to think of me with a smile.

*smiles softly*

When I was in college, the first time, I had to leave a very, very good friend. Someone I really believed in. As I was leaving, I said one thing to him...

"just, think of me with a smile."

So... I hope, in some small way, that I can bring a little support, a little joy, a little kindness, tenderness or compassion into your lives. Even the smallest smile, if it wasn't there before... That will be my purpose. That is my job, so to speak.

So, please... if possible... think of me with a smile.