So, I come before you once again, listening ty shouldn't be listening to. I'm feeling very, very bizarre tonight. I feel strangely numb while being highly sensitive at the same time. It's very strange inside this head of mine right now. I listened to Metallica all day. Currently, I'm listening to Perfect Water from Blue Oyster Cult.

And, for information sake, Charles did let me know that my opinion should be held until I've heard more BOC, as they ARE definately metal. *shrugs* He told me that just because they put out some mellow songs doesn't mean that they're a mellow band.

So, I will go as far as to say that BOC would qualify as metal, but not Heavy Metal. However, I do continue to reserve the right to state emphatically that I never said any of this. *smiles softly*

Right now, I'm listening to Who Wants To Live Forever by Queen. God, this is not a good night for me. If Charles were here, I'd be talking with him via Pager, but I'd probably also reduce my IQ by about 100 points in his opinion through conversation tonight.

This is really wierd for me.

I was thinking too much about Flatline. THat's really the whole problem. Not about Flatline in that he'd done something, but Flatline in that how similar am I... If I perceive him as an onion, how do people perceive me? See? I told you, this is not a good day.

This is the way I look at myself all the time. Perhaps it's the wrong way to look at myself? Perhaps this is the way everyone does it. Who knows? Who cares.

I'll wrap myself in solitude, but I wish I could wrap myself in thee

I really like this song, thank you, Charles. You're number one in my book. By the by... you folks who turn me on to really good music? Those folks who introduce me to way awesome tunes that speak to me? You get to be number one, too. Well, actually, you get to be number two's... as Charles will stay number one. I'm so hung on Perfect Water. And I can't even begin to describe why exactly.

I was told, a while back, that I should swear off men, completely. That I should just set myself a limit of a year or so, where I don't have any interaction with men at all. *shakes her head* If that were to happen??? I'd be speaking with Melly, my Mother and my sister.

Besides, what would be the point? No relationships, yeah, I understand that. But no interaction without the opposite sex? Cmon, don't limit me so severely. I don't like girls much. They're so.... Dunno... Girl-ish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've got five 7X3 inch candles burning and two 3X2 inch candles burning. two cranberry, two blue berry, two rose and one peach. And a stick of insense. My dog is sleeping upon his cow. (one of my old slippers in the shape of a cow, he won't go anywhere without it) and I've got BOC and Queen pumping into my ears.

I've downed almost a whole beer... contemplated getting off my ass and actually walking to the damned bar in order to get a pack of smokes cause I'm nic-fittin big time. But, I think if I can make it without... if I can make it through this bizarre shit, I'll be cool. I'll be over the worse of these damned withdrawals.

Now, before you folks who actually have experienced serious withdrawals... No, I've never intentionally used an ilegal substance. No, I've never intentionally been high. I don't ever remember a time when I was high at all, unless you count the hospital stuff, and I wasn't awake for that shit, so I don't count it. I have never intentionally gotten drunk. Ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I have finally realized why my day was so fucked up... I forgot to read my darling Uncle Bob. I logged on this morning, checked Email in one of my 20 accounts, read Flatline, and immediately started writing the response.

However, when one writes a response to flatline... if they're a smoker, they MUST have smokes. *chuckles* so, my day was disrupted twice. No UB first thing... and then, no smokes at all all day. And then, I had to wait all damned day before getting to talk to anyone. Russell wasn't online this morning, Melly wasn't online, Charles wasn't online, and Ranger ain't been online for a week.

~~~~~~~~~

OH, I got a phone call from Jess this last week. That was way cool. She was out here in Washington visitin her family, her old stomping grounds and all... And she and I were hoping to actually get together and meet up and all that..... But, it never worked out.

So, she called me once she got back to NC. Gah...

However, because we didn't actually get to meet up, She will not have seen me as the fat fuck I am now. *chuckles* She'll get to meet me as the slender, stunningly gorgeous, Heather-Locklear-would-kiss-my-ass-if-she-were-worthy kind of body. *chuckles* Okay,s o maybe that's a little overboard. But I don't think so.

See... I may be what all of you folks consider a carnival freak *smirks at Uncle Bob* but next Spring, I'm gonna be that woman that all of you guys drop your beer's for. *chuckles* All you guys who have that trouble deciding which thing to put down, the rmote, or the beer, in order to answer the phone... You'll drop em both for me. Or something.

Maybe that's a little too boastful... Perhaps what I mean is this... by the spring, I'll actually be able to walk around without pain. I'll be able to fit on a normal airline seat without having to humiliate myself by having to ask for an extension for the fucking seat belt.

Mmmmmm, and again we turn to self-loathing and hatred and all that good shit. Well, I like this song, so I'm not going to be depressed throughout it. *grins stupidly*

I told you this was a bizarre day. And it's all because I didn't get to read Uncle Bob's entry this morning.

The lack of smokes has something to do with it as well, but we're not going there. *chuckles*

ANd I still can't find my fucking bank card.

*rolls her eyes*

C'est la vie, non?

Zerostantis, Cordastu terandis

If anyone of you figures out what that means, you get a huge prize... it's called an ego. As those words are completely made up. From one of my RP char's. And ancient, archaic language. Amazing?

Told ya it was bizarre tonight.

I'm out of here.