Sometimes I wonder...

Should I really talk to my Mother at all? *chuckles quietly* It seems she always gets directly to the point. She finds that one thought/idea that I've been most trying to hide. And she exploits it.

I feel empty tonight. Alone and empty. I know I'm not alone. I know I'm not empty... I just feel that way. It's nights like this when what I want most in the world is to have someone just hold me... someone who won't listen to me for a while then turn away... but someone who wants to know what I'm thinking. Someone who is truly interested in WHY I feel alone, and wants to be the ONE who can always eliminate that feeling in me, just by giving me a soft smile... just by looking into my eyes, he'll know exactly what I need.

I can almost feel it, too. I can almost feel that touch... his arms wrapped around me. Right now, I can almost feel the warmth from his chest against my back, his arms wrapped around me, his breath faint, but there... his nose against my head, just behind and above my ear. His lips against my ear, his words whispering that everything will be okay... that he won't ever leave me... that he believes in me... that he........

And then I open my eyes... and again I'm alone.

And my Mother wants to know why I get so into the 'Net. Why I have such a connection to my friends online. There are people there... I can get online and almost always there will be SOMEONE there. Someone I can talk to... someone who will push back this loneliness just a little longer. It's an escape. A convenient escape. And one I've used a little too much as of late.

I need to get my ass offline more often. Granted, I'm not going to have any friends around here. *shrugs* Most of the people my age are either like me, or married. The people of comperable age are most often married... or have lived in such a way that they are undesireable as a social group. Especially around here. There are two social activities in this town, it seems... one is drinking, the other is bible thumping.

That's not exactly true, but I'm feeling petulant and depressive, so I'm exagerating.

I'm listening to Circle from BHTatM yet again. I love these lyrics, but I'm not exactly sure if I"ve got them all right. I should probably look them up sometime... But for now, I've just copied them... transcribed them from the song...

It seems to me, you and me... are chasin somethin else
what it is, is anybody here... I want to know
It seems to me, you and me... are gettin somethin here
but love is, so easily, forgotten

If I pick you up, will you drag me down... if I run to you, will you turn around...
Rise and fall, turn the wheel, cause all life is, is really just a circle

It seems to me, you and me... are chased by somethin...
What it is, is anybody hear... everythin
It seems to me, you and me... are terrified, of nuthin
And nothin is, the reason we are here... oh nothin at all.

If I cry to you, will you laugh me down... what I'm asking you, is to turn around.
Rise and fall, turn the wheel, cause all life is, is really just a circle

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah unh yeah
Yeah na na na na na na na na

You are the only one I want...
You are the only one I want...
You are the only one I want...
You are, you are, you are, you are, you are, you are, you are, you are

If I run to you, will you let me down... what I'm askin you, to turn around
rise and fall, turn the wheel, cause all life is, is really just a circle
rise and fall, turn the wheel, cause all life is, is really just a circle

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah unh yeah
Yeah na na na na na na na na

*sighs softly*

Circle has replaced my "Top Song Recommended By Charles" Perfect Water from BOC. But Perfect Water is still up there. Don't doubt that.

*sighs softly once again*

I took Mom out for dinner tonight. We went to Pizza Slut over in Warrenton. That's about 35 or so minutes from here. In Oregon. On the coast.

If any of you like coffee... I highly, very highly, recommend the Coffee Song from Soul Coughing. You can DL it from Napster. It rocks, man. Totally rocks. I absolutely love this song. Of course, that's partially cause I"m listening to it right now.

"they've got an aweful lot of coffee in Brazil"

*laughs* Cmon, folks. You gotta DL this song. It's hillarious. Thank Luc for turning me on to Soul Coughing. I really, really, really like this song. There's just no way I can possibly be depressed with this song. *laughs*

"They've got a zillion pounds of coffee in Brazil"

"No tea... No tomato juice... you'll see... no potato juice" *laughs, grinning* I really, really like this song.

"Dunking doesn't take a lot of skill... man they put coffee in the coffee in Brazil"

*laughs*

It's a small file... I think it was just under a meg... Don't remember tho. It's a quick DL for anyone who has a Cable modem or better. Get a low bit-rate version... It's cool, people. I stumbled on the song by accident.

But, it just makes me laugh every time I listen to it.

"You can't get cherry soda, cause they got to fill their quota"

*laughs*

On that delightful note... I'm going to close this. I'm in a good mood. Circle is up next. Love to you all, my friends. And, thank you so very much for your support of me.

I wanted to give my thanks and smiles to Zuzu for her wonderfully supportive letters. I'm going to be typing up another entry specifically dealing with those letters, but I'm just not into it right now. I want to enjoy my Brazillian coffee. *grins*

So... visit Zuzu and let her know that she rocks. AND, sign her dreambook. The more comments, the better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and kisses and such...

Peace unto thy hearts.