Well, *smiles softly* There are a number of things I'd like to say at the moment... However, the primary is this... Pause here and read Sympatico's entry first. As I'm basically responding to the emotions which are boiling up out of me at this moment.

Um...... to make that a little more understandable.... *frowns softly*

I'm really pissed off on one level right now. Specifically because of my own personal bias in regard to parental responsibility. However, right now there's a lot of anger billowing up from deep within me in regard to Sympatico's mother's actions. Or rather, lack of action. If you have yet to read Sympatico's entry, then read it now, then come back to this.

There are very, very few things in this world that actually get me really, really pissed off. In order of most angering to least.....

Sexual child abuse/molestation

Child abuse of any kind, physical/emotional/psychological/neglect

Spousal abuse perpetrated against a pregnant woman

Spousal Abuse of any kind, sexual/physical/emotional/neglect/et al

There are other things that irritate me and anger me... many things that piss me off... but those "four" things really, really piss me off. That's one of the reasons I won't talk to my brother anymore. He was physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive to his wife, and he was punching her in the stomach two days before she gave birth to my Nephew. *clenches her teeth*

I hate that part of him. I don't hate HIM. But I DO hate that part of him. He's the only person I ever punched in the face. Ever. Twice. Knocked him on his ass both times and then kicked him out of his own apartment infront of his screaming and terrified nearly-two-year-old daughter. I really, really hate that part of him. I really hate it.

That WILL NOT happen to my children. Not ever. The man I marry, this time around, will never, ever lay a hand upon me in a negative manner. Not ever. And, if he does... *shakes her head* I believe gun control is being able to hit your target. I"d rather live with a man who had to piss into a fuckin bag than have a man who would EVER beat me. I've seen far, far, far too much violence in my life.

That's one of the things I still appreciate about Duncan... with all the faults he and I shared, he would never raise his hand to me. Not ever. I am thankful for that.

Regardless... that's really quite distant from my point in this post.

My focus this time through, is on the parents and the abuse they perpetrate. Not physical abuse, tho that does piss me off too... but the neglect issue and a parent abandoning their child because the parent can't handle that child. That really, really pisses me off.

======Before I continue... Mom, if you're reading this post, stop here. You're not going to want to read this, I'm going to be quite loud in my opinions and I would prefer it if you just didn't read this entry. If you DO read it, don't tell me about it. I'm not ready to have a confrontation with you on these issues... I love you, Mom... But this is not the day you want to read my diary======

For those of you who actually came from abusive households, Don't think I don't know what I'm talking about. Granted, I was never raped by my father, or made to rape my siblings, however, I was very close friends with someone who went through that exact experience. I was very good friends with a person whose father would wake them from sleep in the morning by slamming the door to their room open, jerking them out of bed by the hair, throwing them against the fireplace and demanding that the "fucking waste of fucking space asshole" make sure the fire was going... and then the father would go back to bed.

One of my best friends was forcefully raped again and again and again by their father. That is a disgusting and vile experience for a female.... but, in my opinion, just a little worse for a male. specifically a male who comes from a family of "real men". *shakes her head*

Granted I personally have only received two undeserved beatings in my life. Not a pattern of abuse... However, I watched outright physical abuse on an almost daily basis. IN my own home. I've already spoken a bit about this stuff...

The beatings I personally received, were totally undeserved and far, far, far worse than the situation warrented and there have been some really intense scars on an emotional level. But, there were only two.

My brother, on the other hand, was beaten at least twice a week. And I mean that, beaten, bloody. Now, I have already described that, I"m not really willing to dive in and rip my heart from my chest just to examine the color changes as my blood drains slowly into a pool at my feet....

So, all that BS was simply for one purpose, to let you know that I DO have personal experience with physical, emotional and psychological abuse. I have personally witnessed spousal abuse (not from my father to my mother, but with "friends"), I have personally seen the fall out after the promises of "I'll never do it again." And I've had more than two friends, more than just female, who were sexually, emotionally, psychologically and physically abused by siblings/parents/spouses.

I'm pissed off today because Sympatico's Mom dropped the ball. I fully understand having no idea how to continue raising your child. Trust me, I understand that. I know what it's like to be at your wit's end, not knowing how to keep going, being exhausted and then having a three year old screaming his head off because he's hungry.

Sympatico was more than three... but the point is this, I know what it's like to have to deal with a bratty kid. And by Sympatico's own admissions, he was an asshole and sociopathic jerk when he was a young child.

the part that pisses me off about Sympatico's mom is that she didn't just give up on her son, but she gave up and WASN'T willing to actually admit that to him. She let someone else take her son away from her...... She threw him away. With a fucking letter. She wasn't even willing to meet him at the fucking office to talk about why she was throwing him away.

Hell, we all know that if there was a confrontation like that, it would be a lot of yelling and petulance, BUT, without that chance to confront the person who is throwing you away, that rage, anger and hurt burns inside you until it has scarred you and then it festers.

Hell, I'm too tired to continue. I need to put this up for the night. But I"ll be back and I"ll post this tomorrow and you'll love me anyway, or you won't. either way, I will have spoken my mind and gotten the hard part done.

Alright, so back to the point I want to make... which is..... *shrugs* Parental Responsibility...

This is something I feel really, really strongly about. And I mean, very strongly. I have definate opinions on the issue of children.

Once you have a child, YOUR life ends. Don't get me wrong, that's not a bad thing, it's not depressing.... I mean that your life is no longer yours. Once that child comes into this world, either willingly or unwillingly, Your every waking moment must be dedicated to that child. And I mean that.

There are some parents out there, both male and female, who don't seem to care about their children. That hurts. The child didn't ask to be born. The child didn't pipe up and say, "Hey, why don't you give birth to me so I can complicate your life." That child did not tell you to spread your legs or unzip your pants. Or both.

*sighs* So, what is the reason I'm ticked off after reading Sympatico's entry? I'm pissed off because his Mom didn't have the balls to take responsibility.

This may be a bit hazy, try to hang in here while I explain my point of view.

I do NOT condemn Sympatico's Mother for sending him to the group home, tho I think that was a poor choice. *shrugs* I am not his mother and he has told me personally that he was a shit when he was a child. I don't blame S's mother for needing to find a better way... or, different way.

I DO blame S's Mother for leaving him with a fucking letter. For not having the balls to actually tell him face to face. I understand that she may have been advised to make the separation that way, but whoever advised her was full of shit. SHE is the parent. SHE has the responsibility to tell her child what she can and can not do. If SHE was unable to raise her son (I've seen kids that are so fucked up that they need exterior instruction/raising), she should have had the fucking balls to tell him.

There have been many times when I have been too afraid of the confrontation to actually DO anything, I understand this concept, and I understand the impetus behind a letter rather than being in person..... However, Sympatico is her SON, her child, her blood. If she couldn't say goodbye, if she couldn't actually bear to say the words, then write the fucking letter, but deliver it in person. Anything less is a fucking cop out.

One of the most disgusting things I've ever seen, throughout my very short life, was a mother looking at her child and saying, "I hope you rot in hell." HOWEVER, I have more respect for that assanine bitch than I do for Sympatico's mother. At least the hose-beast was there for the fall out.

*frowns* I suppose that's part of this intense rage I feel. I believe that if you are going to make a choice, you have to be there to pay for it. Throughout life this is a truth. However, with children the responsibility is ten-fold. So much more important.

Children are produced in one fashion only, by only one means... copulation. Whether this happens by choice, force, accident or via some labratory experiment, a living, breathing "thing" has been created. And from the point of conception, the woman's body ceases being her's and becomes theirs. I would estimate that about 20% of the population agrees with me and that the other 80 is mixed between total disagreement and ambivilance.

The Father is not without responsibility, however, he does not have the new life living within him. From the point of conception, whether the father is aware of it or not, his life ceases being his. That man is now a father and responsible for every single action, thought and idea put forth by that child until said child is mature enough to take responsibility for his/her own actions, thoughts and ideas.

==I say mature, rather than old, because age means absolutely bupkis when it comes to responsibility. I have met 12 year olds who are more responsible and aware than most 45 year olds. I've also met 18 year olds who were so immature that they couldn't think their way out of a paper bag. Seriously.==

*sighs quietly*

When you become a parent (and, you're a parent from the point of conception, not 6 weeks, not 3 months, not second tri-mester, not 9 months... at conception) you have a responsibility for that child. Likewise, if you create anything with life, (ie: Your dog has pups/cat : kittens/whatever) or if you invent something with life (ie: scientific experiments... cloning, test-tube babies etc) You are personally responsible for the actions and activities of said creations. From the point of creation onward.

Like the movie Terminator Two... the scientist discovered that his basic creation (the AI Terminator/borg) and morphed into something more. But, because HE had created the first one, HE was responsible for the end result, the near decimation of the human race.

I'm not intimating that any of you are going to have children which will become vile creatures set upon wiping out the world, except perhaps a few of the people I RP with, Aglaranna and the Dark Jester..... And I'm only partially kidding about that..... I know Anna well enough to know that if she and Jester have a child, they might very well raise that child to become King/Queen of the Underworld. *shrugs*

Regardless... My irritation, and the impetus behind this blatant spewing of my opinion, is sponsored by that whole Sympatico's Mom turning him over to the State with a fucking letter. *shakes her head* That really, really, really pisses me off. And it's a cop out. It's not fucking bad enough that she fucking abandoned, threw away, her son. But she couldn't even face up to it.

I understand being at wit's end. I understand not having a clue how to parent your child. I have thought, often, of how different it would have been in our home had my brother never been adopted. Had his own mother taken responsibility for her actions, he would have grown up in a completely different household.... one where the people thought the way he did.

Hell, I could launch into a whole new tirade about how adoption is bullshit and helps so few people that it shouldn't be practiced. I could launch into many new debates and shit.. but the point remains, I personally am pissed off that some parents out there are not willing to take responsibility.

I'm sorry. If you gave birth to a child, or if you, in some way, caused a child to be brought into this world, then you are responsible for it. I don't give a flying fuck in hell if you've never seen said child. I don't give a flying fuck in hell if you've never heard word one about said child. I don't care even a little if you don't have the money to take care of the child. You should have thought about that before you fucking unzipped and spread em.

For those of you who are parents by default (meaning rape/date rape/molestation) I"m not as harsh with you about the sexual aspect. HOWEVER, you ARE a parent regardless as to the means of becoming a parent. And your first and foremost responsibility from this point forward is to that child/those children. There are no exceptions to this rule in my mind. I don't care if you're tired. I don't care if you want time for you. I don't care if you thought your husband/boyfriend - girlfriend/wife would always be there. You are a parent. Your FIRST responsibility is to the child.

And not just for the "legal" 18 years.

Forever. The world will be forever changed because you brought a life into it. Because you brought into being something which wasn't there before. So, start acting like it.

I don't care if you're too weak to move. I don't care if you're too fat to work, too lazy to move, too busy to think. I don't care. You have a child in this world, your ass better the fuck be focused on that child.

Take a break, sure. By all means. Have a night out without the child. BUT, while you're out, you make damned fucking sure that child will be safe. You are responsible.

I've seen talk shows where they're discussing those 12 year old kids who are threatening murder and cussing out their 'rents... things of that sort... drinkin and druggin and shit and how the parents are basically pistolwipped. Or close. If you can't handle your child, get help. But damn it, YOU get help. YOU face up to what you can't do. Accept responsibility for your choices, your actions, your inability.

I understand that S's Mom wasn't able to care for her son. I don't like it, but I understand it. And I believe she was right to seek help, tho I don't like seeking help from the State just because there are a lot of very poorly run places through the State (and there were virtually none during the years I was growing up.... There weren't any during the times my mother was growing up)

However, I am very, very, very angry that she would just throw him away without being there in person. It's despicable. And the respect she had at one point from me... it's gone. Some day, Sympatico is going to confront her on that issue. On being tricked into being moved to a "group home". Fuck... Having to be IN a place like that is a devistation to a child. But the part that's worse...... Being thrown away by a fucking letter. At least with the person there, you can look into their eyes and give some last comment... say something.... tell them how deeply this hurts..... something.

*shrugs*

C'est la vie, non?

I can bitch and bitch and bitch but that's not going to change any of you. Therefore, I keep my bitching here on the diary. And, when I have children, they will see my face when I make choices. They will see me in the flesh. They will have the chance to agree or disagree. And they can tell me if they hate me for my choice. ....

And, I will not have children unless my husband agrees with me. I will not have children with a man who thinks kids are cute but don't need much. Once you have them, Children are the most important thing in life. The MOST important. The Father of my children will be of the same opinion.

*shrugs* If he is not of that opinion, we won't have children. AS I told Duncan, so very long ago... "Those kids are more important than anything you will ever do or say. Until you treat your kids with that respect, you can't call yourself a father." That was in response to his saying that since he was paying childsupport that's all he had to do, the kids had never known him really and the mother's had merely trapped him in relationships..... *shakes her head* That was his opinion. it was after that conversation I decided I wasn't going to have children with him until after we'd been married at least five years. We were separated after 3.3 years and divorced three months after our fourth anniversary.

*shrugs*

Children are the most important things in this entire world.

That's my opinion. Believe it or don't, as is your wont.

"Character is comprised of the lessons you learn throughout your life. Maturity is how you apply those lessons." -- D. S. Vic