What's the big deal about sex?

Really.

So many of the people I speak to talk about how wonderful sex is, how necessary it is, how wonderful they feel when they've had it and how everyone else would just chill out if they got laid.

Should I care?

Is there really no room left in this world for a person who has values and morals? I mean, come on, there used to be a time when it was UNCOOL and LOWCLASS to be sexually active outside of marriage. Am I the only person who still feels that way?

I've thought about this a lot lately. I know that I would like to experience good sex. I would like to have someone who can sweep me off my feet and make me feel the world falling apart around me. However, If I'm not married to the guy, I just CAN NOT be sexually active with him. I've tried telling myself I could.

But I can't.

I just can't.

I think I'm the only person in the world who believes that sex belongs in marriage ONLY.

I actually went down on a man recently.... I thought there was more than there was. I thought we were spawning a legit relationship. But we weren't. I can't tell you how incredibly stupid, assanine and whorish I felt because of that.

it's not like it matters.... he doesn't want a relationship with me. I'll live. But I really thought there was something more, ya know? Something real, something substantial. If I'd realized early enough that there would never be a legit relationship, there's no way in hell I would have done more than just kiss him.

Oh well.... another lesson learned.

Ya know, I got married the first time cause I had sex with the guy. Of course, I had sex with him after I was engaged. And I only had sex with him three times before the wedding.

But that's beside the point.

Or is it?

Who knows, who cares... what does it matter....

I'm the only person in the world who believes in honesty and integrity at such an extremely high level. It's incredible the standards I've set for myself. Makes me think I'll never have another husband.

Hell, with the place I live... I have a rule which cancels out almost everyone who lives here who isn't involved with someone else..... They must have most of their own teeth.... Unless they're a hockey player.

Of course, there are no hockey players in this area.

But.... time will tell.

Have no idea where I was going with this originally, I'm somewhere else now.

Peace and all...

Tig