===Coming from the headphones... Absurd: Fluke===

Well... I found the genre I was looking for. Boy, was I off the mark. *chuckles* I give all you people permission to ridicule me now (but only for the next 30 seconds). French Industrial... it sounds so cool. No, the music I've been looking for is Trance. *chuckles* Who knew I was a closet Raver?

All you trancers out there... be nice to me. I'm showing my age today. *smirks* I DLed a whole bunch of stuff that I really like the sounds of. Specifically Fluke. I've added them to my list of CD's I absolutely have to acquire.

I feel so silly, cause so many of you know what Trance is. I didn't. Hell, I didn't have the foggiest idea what I was really looking for. It would be like someone asking me what genre Metallica was. Um, hello? *chuckles*

So, I humbly grovel before all trancers. I just didn't know. Of course, when I say the word "trancer" I get the picture of a few scenes from the movie Tron. *chuckles* Forgive me, I've got an Atari brain in a DVD world. I'll learn. I promise I will.

I really do like this stuff tho. I never thought I would. I don't like the "club" scene. And I'm really down on Raves cause of the drug activity. But I like the music. You folks into the Rave, techno and Trance scenes really have something good going here.

===Coming from the headphones... Amp: Fluke===

So, here I am, telling you how much I don't know about music. *chuckles* I really, really want to get out there, back into the music scene... I just don't want to deal with the people. *rolls her eyes* I'm such a whimp as of late.

I avoid judging people as often as I can, but sometimes my instincts get the better of me. Not necessarily instincts per se, but reactions. My conditioned responses.

Hell, I spent 20 years in a church that was so exclusionairy that socializing outside of the church group was highly, and I do mean highly, frowned upon. Well, okay, if I were to hunt through my memory banks, I would have to estimate it was more like 16 years, rather than a full 20... The church relaxed its strict position quite a while ago.

However, I had been so well trained... and really, I had always been ultra rule-conscious... that staying away from "secular" groups (read; people not in the church) was really easy for me. It didn't cost me anything that I was aware of. I'd spent my "growing up years" alone for the most part, solitary was nothing new to me.

And, just so y'all know... I don't blame the church, parents, upbringing or anything like that for the place I find myself now. I made the choice to believe and follow what I did. I've made all my own choices. Sometimes by not choosing... That may sound cryptic to you, but I understand what I mean.

Anyway, back to the point I was getting to...

I grew up as an elitist, I guess. That's what I've been called. I don't know if that's accurate, but... well...

I knew as a kid that my opinions just didn't matter. That what I wanted didn't matter. The thing that mattered was doing what I was told and doing it as soon as I was told.

===Coming from the headphones... Bermuda: Fluke===

In case you don't realize it, I'm not like that anymore. I still believe in the rules, and I live primarily by the rules set before me in the Bible. Sometimes I mess up, sometimes I choose against the rules... but still, largely I live by what God tells me.

I realized that God did NOT want me to be an exclusionist on a tour to Scandinavia with my choral group in Spring of 91. I had previously believed that those in the Church were doing it "right" and everyone else was "wrong" as I was taught.

But, as I was on tour, with a Lutheran school no less (the Church was not Lutheran. And, it has since changed doctrine, so I don't want people to think I'm badmouthing it, thus I don't give the actual church group... I just call it "Church"). I was sitting in a church service, at which we were going to be performing, in Norway.

The Service was in Norwegian (figure the odds, right?) and I couldn't understand a word that was being spoken, but I was watching the faces of the people there. I was listening to the emotions as they rolled over me. I realized, a sort of Epiphany situation, that these people believed they were doing "it" right.

That realization floored me. I was amazed. Here I'd lived my life for the past 20 years involved in this church group that believed they were the only ones who had the REAL truth. I'd grown up "knowing" that everyone else was "wrong".

===Coming from the headphones... Setback: Fluke===

But here were people, earnest and real in their worship of God. Here were people doing everything they could to worship God the best way they knew how. I couldn't understand a word of what was said, but I understood exactly what was felt in that old, marvelous church.

It was incredible. I watched as most of my choir group went up for communion. I watched as this entire congregation went up for communion, something that the Church only did during Passover... and I was amazed at the awe, love, tenderness and earnest desire to glorify God that I saw etched on nearly all the faces.

I don't think I could ever re-create that feeling, in words, but I'm feeling it now. It was awe. I don't think I could have been any more amazed if a beam of golden-white light spotlighted me and God's voice echo-rumbled through that incredible church telling me these were His people too.

It was amazing to me.

*rereads that* Erm, I guess I pointed out that I was amazed and awed. *chuckles* Shall we move on?

Anyway... it was from that point on that I started looking at religion and the Church in a new light. I started watching the people, looking at how they behaved while at church and how they behaved when they were away from it. I was stunned by the hypocrisy I saw. I'd gone through so much of my life... 20 years of it, thinking that these people I'd gone to church with were the only ones doing it "right".

And I noticed, when I actually took the time to look, that these people were human, just like everyone else. And, atop that, I realized that many of the people I knew of in the "real world" were far nicer and more "Christian" than many of the people I'd been attending services with every weekend.

From that time on, I was doing a lot of foundering. Hell, my entire life up to that point was in question. I was wondering if God could really exist if there was so much confusion in a church group. I wondered if God wasn't just some mean old curmudgeon who wanted treasure and slaves like some old Dragon Lord.

===Coming from the headphones... Squirt: Fluke===

I started looking around my world, really paying attention to what was going on around me. I started really talking to people. And I started actually reading my Bible. Not just having it with me because "every good Christian has a Bible"... but I started reading it.

That's when I found the part in Revelation that talks about the seven lamp stands and such... In that specific portion (I'll do some indepth study of this again tomorrow, posting on the SPTG diary with scriptures) we are told of there being seven different churches/groups. I recognized a few of them, tho not all.

Each different group was doing some things right and some things wrong. It didn't say anything about the Church being the only right group. It didn't say anything about God wanting all people in the world in the Church.

I started to understand, from that point, that just because someone doesn't believe the same things I do, doesn't mean they're wrong and I'm right. It doesn't mean that I'm wrong either. It just means we're different.

I don't have any right to tell someone else that they're doing something wrong. That's not my place. Hell, I don't agree with homosexuality, just because that's not something I believe in... but, there are a lot of people who do. More power to you. Don't force me to be homosexual, I won't force you to be straight.

I have many friends who are homosexual. They're some of the nicest and most gentle, kind, intelligent people I've ever met. They don't judge me. I don't judge them.

I don't believe in sex before/outside of marriage. I have many, many, many friends who do. They are some of the most wonderful, tender and gentle people I know. Hell, I would like to emulate many of them, in many different ways. They don't force me to have sex outside of marriage, I don't force them not to.

===Coming from the headphones... Goodnight Lover: Fluke===

So, as the tie in... the whole reason I launched into that schpiel...

My conditioned response to something/someone new is to shy away. To back off because they're not like me. But, when I force myself to move forward, get to know them, their interests, their likes and dislikes, their personalities... I find that they're really a hell of a lot more like me than unlike me. And vice versa.

(oops, didn't get all of that song, I guess....)

===Coming from the headphones... Silicone: Mono===

I still don't want to attend any Raves. For the simple fact that I don't like being where there are drugs, nor do I like being in a huge throng of people unless I'm the Star. (I'm serious about that). But, I really like the music. One of my preconceived notions was that Trance/dance music was like... rap and hiphop. I don't like rap much. I don't like hiphop a whole lot, tho I can listen to some hiphop.

I'm not going to attend any Raves... not that there would be any within 150 miles of this place... but still... I love the music. I'm a closet Trancer. *grins*

If I were still living up on Capitol Hill in Seattle, and if Zara were still in the area, I'd probably start going to a few clubs... Hell, I might have become a clubber.

===Coming from the headphones... So Far I Have Not Found The Science: Soul Coughing===

No, this is NOT Trance... but still... I really like this song. Thanks to Luc for suggesting Soul Coughing.

And to Kiffany for being like unto M Doughty. Her words flow so sweetly. In a jumbled mass of poetic perfection.

===Coming from the headphones... Fur Elise techno remix: Beethoven===

Anyway... I've really been on a techno kick lately. As if you folks couldn't tell that. *chuckles* I just feel my feet moving, my body wanting to move as I listen to this stuff. It's so energetic. I'm thinking that if I actually listen long enough, my body will start moving along. *grins*

Oh, crap... I forgot to get the transit schedule today. Demmit... why didn't you remind me? I told you to.

*rolls her eyes* Sheeze... Ya just can't find good help these days. *looks over to Sympatico* Hey, fire these slaves, they're not working for me.

===Coming from the headphones... Bittersweet Symphony===

*shrugs* Okay, so that's not actually gonna happen, and yes, I am required to make my own choices. It's my own fault that I didn't get the schedule. But it would be so much easier for me to blame the nameless, faceless cyberslaves.

*sighs*

What I don't give to my adoring public....

*chuckles, winking*

Alright... as Sympatico reminded me via the message board, I was supposed to give my oration... or rather, diatribe, on truth. Well... I didn't. So sue me. *chuckles* Actually, don't sue me, you'd never get your money. There are college loan agencies and hospitals waiting in line before you.

My sister got a guitar for her daughter's birthday present, and I'm supposed to keep it safe and out of site. *grins* Til December. And yet, the little munchkins are coming over tomorrow. They'll be here starting around 12:20. *rolls her eyes* I suppose I'll have to do something drastic, like put the guitar in my closet. *chuckles*

That would be an easy solution and one that would work well... it just requires me to get off my ass before noon tomorrow. *grins* Okay, okay, okay, so that's an easy thing. Cmon, I've got to have SOMETHING to bitch about. *grins*

Actually, the guitar is a really good one. My sis did an excellent job in choosing this beasty. It's similar to my first guitar. Only this is an accoustic, whereas my first was a Classical.

===Coming from the headphones... Neverending Story===

She got it second hand, but it's in pretty good condition and she got it for a good price. Steel strings. The neck and keys are in great condition. The body is in good condition but there are a few dings and scratches. There's one small chip which is a little rough, but I'll file that down just a little. I'll wash it and tune it and make sure it's playable. But this is really cool.

My Sis did a great job with this one. Kudos to her.

Or Kudus? Naw, what does she need with gazell type creatures?

Anyway... *clears her throat, trying a labored subject change*

===Coming from the headphones... Cirrus Remix: DJ Keoki===

I think that's going to be the end of this entry. It's nearly 9p and I want to slip into chat and such. This promises to be an interesting night. Assuming Jess doesn't get bumped again. *chuckles*

In the world of RP, I've got a busy weekend planned. One of my chars is getting hitched to one of Jess's chars. Atop that, well...

Read up on Tig's diary if you care to know about that stuff. There's a lot going on with the Chiron clan. And we have become a clan. It's bizarre. Just a few years ago, RP time, Tig had no idea she had family. Now her family is rather expansive. *chuckles*

Anyway, peace unto thy hearts, friends. May your every positive wish come true. And soon.

*waves, then scampers off to post this*

PS: I finally tried Phish Food ice cream. This stuff is good. And there are little chocolate fish in it. Way cool, folks. You guys have got to try this stuff. *grins*