===Coming from the headphones... Amp: Fluke===

Well... hello there, folks. And how are you today? Oh, I know that each and every one of you is doing just fine, that you're happy and healthy and you're finding all the answers to all your questions. *grins* Or something.

I was just asked by my Mother to prepare something for a work party near the end of the year. *chuckles* Now I have to figure out what I"m gonna sing and all. So, what should I sing? Not X-mass songs. Not religious, not rap, rock, trance or techno. *chuckles*

I'm not all that keen on singing opera, tho I might work up Andrea Bocelli's Sogno. Or perhaps even Caruso? *shakes her head* No, a song about infidelity is not a good choice for this group. *chuckles quietly*

Possibly Imenso. *nods thoughtfully*

Mom want's me to sing Blue Bayou. *rolls her eyes* I really don't like that song at all. Not even a little bit. But she loves it. *shrugs*

She'd like me to do I"m The Only One from Melissa Ethridge. But without the modulator, so I can bump it down a couple keys, It's too much of a strain on my voice. And, since I've just recently quit smoking, I can't handle too much strain as yet. So, better to go with the easy stuff.

Perhaps I can find a decent version of Amazing Grace... that one always goes over well. *chuckles*

If I were still in Tacoma, I'd stop by Thunderbird and ask Lonnie to put a few instrumental tracks down on tape for me. That would be way cool. But, I've not been there for too long. You know, I haven't actually been to Tacoma since before Bryan came out, just 13 months ago.

===Coming from the headphones... Bermuda: Fluke===

I'm nervous tonight. I"m worried for Sympatico He had his opperation today. This morning, around 8:30 or so. It wasn't even mandatory surgery, but exploritory, to see if they could figure out what was wrong with his hearing.

Ya know, that would really flip me out. I don't have anywhere near the nervousness level that Sympatico does... but still... what he described them doing just.... *shudders* Eeeww.

If it were a choice of hearing only out of one ear, or having the surgery? I'd be sorely tempted to simply remain deaf in one ear. I mean... the idea of someone cutting into my head, immediately behind my ear, to see why I couldn't hear? Hello !?!?!?!?!?!?!

Perhaps I can't hear because you have a scalple poised immediately above my skin and every ounce of strength I have is going toward evacuating all life forms from that part of my anatomy. Every single milimeter of blood is rushing AWAY from my ears so that it escapes that sharp-ass blade which had such a violent and dysfunctional childhood.

It had to have had a dysfunctional childhood. How else could you explain such cutting remarks?

*knows the pun-police are searching for her now*

Regardless... I really, really don't envy Sympatico. But I worry for him. I'm hoping he's alright and that he's dealing with this surgery stuff well.

===Coming from the headphones... Set Back: Fluke===

I ask, please, that each of you stop here for just a moment and utter a brief prayer, or happy thought, or well-wish for Sympatico. He's very special to me. I cherish Russ so much. Just raise your voice/thoughts to him and let him know he's got support and love. He's a great guy and supports me so much. I just hope that I give back just a little, ya know? There's no way I could actually repay the support and kindess he's shown me. Unless, of course, I got in that bubble, But Sympatico... you know I've got my eye on someone else. That bubble will have to remain a dream. *winks*

Man I'm tired. Amazing huh?

And I have nothing to say, really.

I could just let my fingers go and see what comes out at the end..... *shrugs*

I could close my eyes and type and see what happens after I do that.

I can play a game or two of Freecell to see if my brain lights upon anything important.

===Coming from the headphones... Silicone: Mono===

I was watching Quantum Leap for an extended period throughout today. And I discovered that his position on morality is what I've been trying to describe. For those of you who have no idea what this show is, or who haven't watched it much, might not get this at all... sorry. *smiles faintly*

Sam Becket... A man of high, moral character. He is. And Al is a "typical" male. Of course, Al is actually a little more lascivious and lecherous than most males in this world, but still... the characters are actually supposed to be opposite ends of the spectrum. Or rather, my interpretation is that they're opposite ends of the spectrum.

Sam Becket is a gentleman. He defends a woman's honor. He openly states that sex is something to be shared between two people who truly love each other. Sam Becket doesn't believe in serial monogamy. And, he knows the difference between love and lust.

I SO want a man like that. I want a man who believes that virtue is more important than pride. I want a man who believes that if he's not married to the chica then she's off limits. Not only that, but, a man who doesn't even get turned on by anyone else. I know there are men out there like that. There have to be.

If Donald P. Belisarius (the creator of Quantum Leap) could create a char with high moral character, he must have seen at least one other male in this world who had high moral character. I hope so, at least.

It's one thing to be the focus for someone's love, but quite another entirly to be the focus of someone's love when that someone is not attracted to anyone else.

===Coming from the headphones... Hypnotise: Paul Oakenfold===

Do you males who believe that it's important to lose your virginity think that it's sexually attractive to have been around the block a million times? Or even 10 times?

And, do you women out there really find non-virgins more attractive than virgins? Seriously... this is a question I really want the answer to.

Society tells me that men want pure women, while women want soiled men. Perhaps soiled is the wrong word... Experienced. Society tells me that women much perfer a man who "knows what he's doing" than a man who might be a virgin.

Is this true?

Do you men really think that women won't like you if you haven't had sex by the time you're 15?

*frowns slightly*

Am I really so different? Am I really of such different "make up" that I'm the only person in the world who truly wants a virgin as my husband? Am I the only person in the world who felt cheated because Duncan was not a virgin? Am I the only person in the world who saved her virginity for her husband by CHOICE? I can't possibly be the only woman who feels this way...... can I?

When it all comes down to it, I want a man who is a virgin. Or who has only had one other sexual partner in his life. Preferably either a spouse or long-term relationship.

===Coming from the headphones... Purple: Paul Oakenfold===

When it all comes down to it, I want a man who is a virgin. Or who has only had one other partner in his life, perferably a past spouse. This shows moral character. And, I"m really sorry to any of you who might get offended here... but honestly, If you think it's cool to fuck someone without being married to them, you're wrong and of low moral character.

Okay, so that's about 98% of the population out there. And 99.99999999999% of the gay population. I really don't want to offend anyone, and I'm not making judgements on who or what you are as people.

*smiles softly*

===Coming from the headphones... Finding Me: Verticle Horizon===

But, if you're willing to fuck someone who isn't your spouse... if you're willing to lust after someone who isn't your spouse... if you're willing to dream of, watch, desire, envy or crave someone that isn't your spouse... then you're not of high moral character. Character is not something that can be picked and chosen. It's not a skill in an RPG where you have 20 points total and you get to spread those out over 10 different character traits.

A lot of people show character like that tho. They're of high standards when it comes to honor... but, if they were really of high honor, how could they fuck outside of marriage? That's the greatest honor.

Alright, so I really didn't want to get into that. I know that I'm going to be stepping on a hell of a lot of toes if I go any further. I"m probably going to piss off a number of my most devoted readers. But, this is a place of truth, right? That's why I started this particular diary, didn't I?

*thinks for a moment*

No, The private, password protected diary is the one for absolute truth.

Perhaps I'll go a little more indepth on this topic, the topic of character and moral fibre and such..... *shakes her head* But I doubt it. I like having readers to this diary. I've grown to like the few comments I receive. And the Emails. (thanks, hon, you know who you are)

===Pouring into my soul... Best I Ever Had: Verticle Horizon===

I want a man who wants me. Not someone he had 20 years ago. I want a man who thinks of me. I want a man who has never felt shame for having had a previous lover. I want a man who feels pure and gives himeself to me as a pure gift, untainted, unspoiled, untouched.

And I feel so....

*smiles sadly*

I feel so dirty for not being pure. I feel so vile and disgusting for having fucked Duncan. And what's more... my miniscule sexual experiences seem huge, vile, vulgar and so completely disgusting that I can't breathe well when I think about it.

I want a man who has never, ever felt that. Ever. I want a man who never has to look at me and feel shame that I'm not his first.... the way I feel now. *closes her eyes*

===Pouring into my soul... Shackled: Verticle Horizon===

Well... Hmmmmm, I don't think there's really a way to turn this entry around, so I'm just going to listen to some VH as I play a couple games of FreeCell and then I"ll post this entry. Peace unto thy hearts, friends.

And, please... come back. I"ve gotten used to having friends, even if they do stay silent most of the time. I would miss you if you left.

===Pouring into my soul... Give You Back: Verticle Horizon===
===Pouring into my soul... We Are: Verticle Horizon===
===Pouring into my soul... Amp: Fluke===
===Pouring into my soul... Silicone: Mono===
===Pouring into my soul... Hypnotise: Paul Oakenfold===