so, it's time for another one of these. *chuckles* I really only have a few minutes to write here tonight, as I have things that must be accomplished. So, how does it feel to be passed over for a TV show? *winks*

Tonight I'm recording the last part of the new Dune movie. At least, I think it's the last night. I think it's only six hours long, but I could be wrong. Regardless, I've been recording it each night. However, I need to be in bed at a decent hour, so tonight I won't be online for long anyway. *chuckles*

And, I really stop smoking tonight. I know I stopped almost two months ago, but I only stayed a non-smoker for a week. Then I was smoking for a week, off then on then off, etc. So, this is my last night, for good, as a smoker. I have about half a pack left, or so. If I don't smoke them all tonight, they get thrown away tomorrow. Along with all my lighters, all the garbage, all the ashtrays. Everything.

The reason I started smoking again after having quit two months ago, was because I found an old, dead pack with two smokes left in it. And, me being that frugal (hey, don't roll your eyes so much, it's an excuse, we all know this) person I am, decided to smoke them rather than actually throwing away two measely cigarettes.

I"ve been playing the game long enough. I really, honestly, don't need to smoke anymore. SO, tomorrow, on my last day of freedom (Mom's been gone for three days *chuckles*), I finish cleaning my room, throw out all my "supplies" and such. I've noticed that if I don't get it all out, I don't really get rid of it. Same way as any infection. That's why so many alcoholics, when they decide to stop drinking so much, usually cut out all alcohol.

Some people truly are able to recover from raging alcoholism and still drink socially. I myself have no problem with alcohol. I only drink what I like, and I only drink once in a while. Of course, if I were with a group of people who drank all the time and such, I would probably be drinking a lot more than I am now. *shrugs* That's really neither here nor there. Alcohol was never my problem. Cigarettes became my problem.

I have often wondered why I started smoking. *chuckles* But, I always come back to the same answer... I did it cause I wanted to die. And I had already failed the suicide bit, so I figured I"d kill myself off slowly.

*rolls her eyes*

Folks, if you really do want to kill yourselves off... try something else. Cigarettes are too expensive to smoke yourself to death. *shrugs*

At least, try some combination. If you're going to kill yourself off, then do it quickly. Like smoke your cigarettes in front of a train. Or something. *chuckles*

Just for those who might be curious... I do not condemn or condone cigarette smoking, drinking, drugging or any other form of mood-alteration. But, smoking doesn't work for me anymore. It's benifits are now outweighed by the liabilities.

Um

So there.

*chuckles* Yeah, okay, so I'm struggling for an entry tonight. So sue me. Or rather, don't. I can't afford it.

I would really, really, really like a cheese burger right now. *chuckles* My mouth is just set for it. Maybe I'll take a break out of my cleaning and such to get a burger tomorrow. *shrugs* Who knows. Mom will be home tomorrow night, so I have to bust my ass and clean the house. *smirks* I have to make sure that all the condom wrappers and...... Oh wait, that's not me.

*chuckles*

I do have to clean up tho. I've been doing a lot of painting while Mom's been gone. I do ceramics every once in a while and I've been painting a few of the pieces that I've been meaning to get to. I also have to work on the blanket a little more. I've got a burgundy/black blanket that I'm crochetting. But, I'm going to start adding a couple more colors. Right now, I'm only going to add a dark, hunter green. Perhaps those three colors will be enough. It depends largely on how big I want this blanket to be. Hell, I"ve only got a single bed, but there will be a time in my future when I'll have a bigger one. Maybe I want to make this blanket big enough for a king sized bed. Who knows.

I will be spending less and less time online over the next few months. I've been dealing with people online for the past three years. All of my real friends are online. As far as the real world goes, I know about five people here in town that I would converse with, and all of those are either wait staff at Chuck's, or Lamplighter. So, I think it's time for me to unplug and start living in the real world.

Ya know, so that when I'm actually dealing with real people in March, that I"m not going through complete and utter culture shock. Since I'm still planning on going to the SCA event in March, and there are going to be more than 2,000 people there (the largest group of people I've ever been in was aproximately 5,000 and I was about 12 or so)

I am so nervous about making a fool of myself at this event. Or, worse, of making a fool of Charles. He's been very kind to me and all that. He has told me that I'm not an unwilling burden or anything like that.... that, basically, if he hadn't been willing to deal with me, he wouldn't have invited me to go to the event. So, I have some minor assurance from him. But still... I'm so nervous. I mean, hell... I have to learn a slightly different way of communicating. The greetings and such are slightly different and all that.

Gah, I'm just going to work myself up into a bundle of nervousness over something like this? *shakes her head* Okay, I'm back. I'm sure I'll make it through with no major gaffs. I do have some ability to "fake it". I've been able to smile and nod my way through some dealings when I didn't have the foggiest idea what the "rules" were. I'm sure, as long as I keep my mouth shut and really watch the goings on, that I will be able to pick it up rather quickly.

It seems that Charles, too, has that much faith in me. *grins* Or rather, perhaps he thinks that I"d make a good target for his practice. *chuckles quietly, eye-balling the Warhammer*

If any of you are in, or have been involved in the SCA, I would greatly, greatly, greatly appreciate any and all suggestions you might make.

By the by, folks. This morning? No pinched nerve in my neck. Woohoo. I can turn my head from side to side. YES, I am a member of the living once again. *grins*

I had a steak for dinner tonight. *shrugs* It wasn't that great, but it was okay. Dunno, sometimes the steaks are good, sometimes they're not so good. One of the reasons I prefer getting my steaks and such from the grocery store is cause I can see the marbling. I hate a fatty steak. I really hate a fatty steak. It's why I almost never get prime rib. It's almost always extremely fatty. *shudders*

Icky, icky, icky.

Oh, and in with all the other icky, icky, icky things, I heard that Duncan is going to be moving back here before X-mass. Wonderful, neh? *chuckles* He's moving back here with his whore and he's gotten full custody of his daughter.

*wonders if she said all this yesterday in her entry... can't remember now*

Anyway, I'm happy for him, that he got his oldest daughter. That means he might have the chance to learn some things from her. I think he will mature rapidly. At least, I hope so. I hope that when he watches his daughter growing, he will learn many things and feel so much joy and happiness. I really want the best for him.

I do NOT want him back, so get that damned idea out of your head. *chuckles* I don't want to date him, I don't want to see him, I don't want to see his daughter. I'm happy with the way my life is. I'm moving in the direction I want to go. I do NOT want him to be my friend, I don't want to make friends with his daughter, tho I would really, really, really like that whore to die.

*blinks, looking at that*

Damn... even now there's so very much rage in regard to her. I really must do something about that. *smiles softly*

Of course, I won't do anything about it now, I'm currently listening to Asshole by Dennis Leary. I HIGHLY recommend to you all that you DL it and listen to it. That one and his Life's Gonna Suck *laughs brightly*

Yes, DL both of those and listen to them over and over and over again. Awesome songs, folks. Wonderfully poignant... or something. *smirks*

Okay, I only have about half an hour left to type, listen to music, then log on and post, so I'm going to close this, then post it, then scamper to record the third part of Dune

It should be grand. I"m really looking forward to this final portion.

Peace to you all, friends.