I have it on the highest authority (or close) that we will all have a snow day tomorrow. Of course, you may wonder at my sources. Personally, I can't remember what my sources are, nor can I remember what big secret they let me in on, so I"m kinda making this up as I go along.

Or something.

Okay, now that we're all as confused as I am, perhaps I should try to put some sense into this entry, eh?

Naw, sense is overrated.

Okay, not quite 24 hours without a smoke, but I had the opportunity to buy more tonight, and I didn't. I chose not to. I did, of course, get ice cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Kinda removes all the weight loss effort stuff, but cmon... I was mostly good for the day. AND, I didn't buy any more smokes. This is a good thing. Atop that, I'm now a member of the FAT CHICK CLUB. *chuckles* You knew I couldn't resist. I just had to. It was too good an idea to just let it slip by the way side.

Anyway, I'm currently listening to a lot of Wierd Al Yankovic. I"m listening primarily to his polka medlies. And, I'm thinking about Sympatico. How did it come up to be my blessing to have him as a friend, huh? This is a man who respects what I say and what I think without trying to make me see something that isn't really there.

Thanks, babe. Your friendship rocks, man. *grins*

I finished recording Dune for Charles. I'll be sending that off to him either tomorrow or Friday, depending on when I get to the Post Office. No offense to Kyle McLaughlin, but I really liked this version better than the original. It was a little slow in the middle, but that's cause it was primarily Paul's visions and the building up of the spiritual aspects of the Fremmin (sp). No, I never have read the book, but I plan to. I plan to in the near future.

You know, Sympatico was talking about internet love the other day. He said he'd read about it on someone's MB. I wanted to chime in with my own opinion. Internet love? Yeah, it's possible. But, it's a lot harder than non-internet love. It's harder to be honest too. Before you get all pissy and upset cause I'm being cruel again, hear me out.

When we're online, we have this continual buffer. It's in the form of the screen. Our faces remain hidden for the most part. But, the reason I mention that is because through that buffer, many of us allow others to see directly into the heart of us. We are more true about who and what we are on the inside online. in many cases, not all.

The online persona, is often more real and true than the real life persona. And I mean that. The online persona is not limited to the physical, Therefore, it is easy for the fat person to type out actions and dreams and hopes stating what they would love to do and be, without thought to the physical limitations. The skinny kid can be free to speak and act in whatever way they want to without the societal slurs and insults. there is so much more freedom online than face to face.

many of us look for that "one" person we can be real with. That person with whom there is no hiding, no disguise, no discomfort, no lie. Many of us think that we can find that person online because that person will not be swayed by the physical or visual. However, the person you often "fall in love" with will make a better online-affair than a face-to-face relationship. So, am i just confusing the issue now?

Let me see if I can bottom line it for ya.

Online I don't fear the people I deal with for the most part. I know that if they don't like me, it's because they don't like my character/personality and that, in turn, means that they just don't particularly care for who I am. No biggie. That's cool. At least they took the time to find out. However, IRL, those people who turn away from me upon first sight have never given me a chance, just because of what I look like.

Because I have been turned away from and because I just am not all that good with the socializing thing, I remain quiet and almost submissive in appearance..... sorta... if someone comes up to me, it's like I put on a mask. When I'm completely alone, IRL, I keep that submissive posture and such. when someone addresses me, I'm almost instantly on the defensive. Almost aggressively so, actually. *smiles softly*

Regardless, those two styles of social contact are rather frowned upon by most of the people out there. online, I don't have that. Online, my entire attitude is different. I'm more "real" I'm more "me". I laugh. A lot. And I smile a lot. And I talk and converse. When I'm not wanted, I leave. When I'm ridiculed or humiliated, most generally I apologize for what I"ve done wrong, then I put it behind me. No dwelling on my failures, none of that.

So, what I'm saying is this... When people meet online, often they do truly meet the real, honest and pure person. They meet the true heart. However, that true heart is not what takes over or is shown in public. Rarely in private. There's a whole different personality for being online. And yes, it is often the "real" personality. BUT, it is not that day-to-day peronsality.

And, when people who have a commitment via the 'Net meet face to face, they finally see the differences that the "real world" has wraught upon that person's psyche: that person's personality, even. There are often differences. And sometimes, the differences between IRL and 'Net are so drastic, the relationship won't last. But, I still hold with the 'Net persona often being the true and real person. *shrugs* Unfettered by the physical or societal standards.

What do you think?

It's been rather cold up here as of late. Of course, there's a fire burning in the fire place, but that's downstairs and I'm up here all by my lonesome, with my dog, of course. *chuckles* Mom got home tonight and she's been online for the past two hours. *grins* Surprising, eh? She get's a computer that will actually do SOMETHING online and she goes online for "just a few minutes, hon" *laughs* uh huh. That was a little over two hours ago. That's cool tho. I'm currently listening to Dennis Leary again. *grins* I do love these songs of his. Specifically Life's Gonna Suck

I"m really tired and to be honest, all I want to do is go online long enough to post my entry. Then I fully intend to log off and go to sleep.

This is something that I"ve noticed the last couple times I"ve tried quitting smoking. I don't know what it is, but for about two or three days after I stop smoking, I feel groggy and have difficulty staying awake. I'm sure that if I were to actually do any research, I'd find out that it's a withdrawal symptom either from the narcotics the tobacco companies spray on the tobacco, or the asbestos laidden filters or... well, whatever. I personally think it's just laziness, but this is about the fifth time in two months that I've been really barraged with the need to sleep. Hell, I got about 6 hours last night (my usual) and about a two hour nap this afternoon and here it is only 10 pm and I"m totally exhausted. *rolls her eyes*

This really doesn't make any sense, ya know.

I sometimes think that I should just abort the whole diary thing. I mean... why should I continue writing when I'm pouring out filth and useless crap like this? But, then I think about Donny (TM) deciding not to post for a while cause he didn't like what was coming out. *pouts* I don't like that. Hell, I understand why he did that. Seems to me (just an opinion) that he's a perfectionist. I could be wrong, but I kinda don't think so.

Regardless... the actual point is, I'm exhausted and so my ideas and thoughts are not coming through the way I want them to be. So, You get a bad, poorly written, hastily written entry tonight, and I plan to go out tomorrow to write for a while, so perhaps we'll have a decent entry tomorrow night. Whatcha think?

Peace unto thy hearts, folks.