This is an entry I wrote up at Chuck�s earlier this afternoon... Enjoy.

Ooooooohhhh, a whole raft of shit to write about...

I just met my ex. Gah, that was something I didn�t want to deal with. If I�d spent another thirty seconds deciding on what kind of milk to get, I�d have been fine. And would have missed him.

Damn my hatred of shopping!

Not really... but ya know what I mean.

As most everyone does when they have an ex, I�d wanted to be svelte and gorgeous on the arm of a tall, gorgeous man the first time I had to meet with him face to face after the divorce.

Oh well, that just didn�t happen.

I was wearing black pants and a dark green V-neck T. Not my best, but by far, not my worst. My hair was up in combs, so the hair looked good. But I�m still fat. Granted, I�m not as fat as when I was with him, but still.

And Duncan? He definitely wasn�t planning on meeting up with me. That�s for sure.

He recognized me right away. I did not recognize him at first.

This took place half an hour ago at Art�s. The convenience store half a block North of Chuck�s.

He has a thick, unkempt beard now. Sandy brown and light blonde. Dunno if the blonde is a bottle job, but it looks like it. A ten month old bottle job. He�s let his hair grow quite long. About down to his shoulder blades. Stringy and greasy, but blonde from the pony tail band to the ends. And sandy brown atop his head.

There are so many emotions running around in my head right now.

Fear -- Completely unfounded. I have absolutely no idea why I�m afraid. There�s nothing to be afraid of.

Anger -- Self explanatory. I may willingly admit my own fault in the destruction of the marriage, but that doesn�t mean that I�m not pissed!

Sorrow -- Cause the marriage didn�t last.

Pain -- Cause even though it�s over and even though I know I fucked up... when I realized it, I poured my heart out to him. I laid my heart and soul at his feet and he ground them both into the floor. Repeatedly.

Sorrow again -- Cause everything I had left to give just wasn�t enough.

Humiliation -- Because before we actually split up, as I was doing everything I could think of to keep our shattering marriage together, I cried. The tears flowed without guard. Granted, they were silent tears, so I spared myself the humiliation of open sobbing. I didn�t show that much weakness. But the humiliation is from my own memory of my weakness... allowing myself to cry at all.

Shame and self-loathing -- See above. From my remembered weakness.

Additional shame -- For my current weakness. How dare I allow myself to spin off in even more foolishness? How dare I be so stupid as to feel these foolish emotions at the sight of someone I just don�t care about anymore?

But damnit... I do care. And why, in hell, do I still care???????

Don�t get me wrong here, folks. I do NOT want him back. I do not want to marry him again. And I do not want to have him in my life in any capacity. But I do find myself caring. Both about him and about the marriage I played a part in destroying.

I guess that�s what really bothers me.

I see all the shit that happened before the wreck. After the wreck is when the marriage was obviously destroyed... almost impossibly destroyed. It wasn�t completely over till that night when he ground my heart and soul into the ground. That was the night he completely ignored every ounce of who and what I was... *shrugs*

But, before the wreck... that�s all the stuff I saw. All the stuff I can still see. That�s the destruction I saw, the destruction I, in part, caused.

I should have done many things differently.

BUT, all of this is in the past and I don�t have any need to dwell on it. Therefore, I�m going to change the subject.

I saw the movie Oh Brother, Where Art Thou yesterday. Would someone please tell me why this movie is �good�?

-----by the by, the following is a verbatim transcription of what I wrote 15 minutes after having seen the flick. Just so�s ya know.------

I�ve been told it was great and highly enjoyable. I�ve been told I should see it as soon as possible. And I�ve been told I�d really, readily enjoy it.

My sister raved about it. Said it was great and that I�d really enjoy it. I�ve been told by quite a few people that is was fantastic.

Again I ask... Why?

What was the point? Why was that movie made? Was it an attempt at telling women everywhere that George Clooney could look ugly? Was it supposed to be a farce about Southern folks? I don�t, for even half a second, believe that all Southern peoples looked/acted/sounded like that.

Was it about the roots of Blue Grass music? Was it about chain gangs? I guarantee you, if you want to see a good movie, featuring chain gangs, watch Cool Hand Luke

Was it about salvation? Was it about true treasure? Marriage vs. Money? What was that damned movie about? If it was just for entertainment value, I�d rather have used the money for a pack of smokes.

-------End previously written material------

So, I know that this movie was based on Homer�s Oddessy. But I still don�t know what the purpose of this story was.

This is my thought... Was the movie just a �diary in picture form� or was there supposed to be some underlying lesson? If there was supposed to be some lesson... I obviously missed it. I would really, really, really like some feedback from those of you who have seen the movie and think it�s great.

Frankly, I was bored. Granted, the popcorn and Pepsi were good, but it just wasn�t worth the money to me.

And now? I wouldn�t NOT recommend the movie, but don�t waste your money on a prime time showing. Catch a matinee or cheap showing... or, better yet, wait till it comes out on video.

So, that�s it folks. I know it�s been a strange entry.. but deal with it. You love me anyway. *grins*

Love and all to you and yours, folks.

PS...

By the by... I have to mention that Brian, AKA Spectre Of Life from Yahell fame, has been trying to get me to read the entire Dune series for a long-ass time. I just had to let y'all know that. *grins*