So, I'm sitting here, listening to music and wondering what to write about. Yesterday I posted a rant about Tom Green and then immediately afterward realized that I had no right to judge the bastard.

*smiles sweetly*

And yes, I know full well that calling him a bastard is a judgement. Tough shit. I choose to make a personal judgement call. I don't like him because of what he shows.

And woohoo, there we have the subject of today's entry....

appearances.

Much as I hate to be judged based on how I look... *shrugs* That's how we ARE judged. I try not to make value judgements without seeing the person move through their daily lives, but sometimes I just don't want to wait.

*chuckles quietly*

Now, I'm not really talking about physical appearance for the most part. But, that's a big part of life, folks. If you portray yourself as a slut by dressing in slutty clothing, then be prepared for many people to think of you as a slut.

In my case, if I dress myself in sloppy clothes, pull my hair back into a severe pony tail and such... I'm projecting an image of someone who doesn't care about herself. That, in turn, projects and image of laziness and non-motivation. That's how many people see me.

Now, I've bitched a lot about how people shouldn't judge me just because of the way I look... but really, if I want people to have a different opinion of me, I have to give them a reason to give me a second look.

So, I say to you, if people are treating you in a manner you don't like, take a look at the way you portray yourself. If you are being treated like a slacker... do you look like a slacker? If you're being treated like a jerk, do you look like one? Are you behaving and acting like a jerk?

As I have begun examining myself in this light, I realize that most people see me as a loner. Someone who is difficult to get along with, and someone who is rather intimidating. I have been viewed as confrontational and "someone you don't want to piss off".

In all reality, I am NOT difficult to get along with. I am not confrontational, nor am I really someone you "don't want to piss off". Because I generally don't react to other people baiting me. Or rather, I internalize it and don't outwardly get mean or anything like that.

NOW, I just asked Charles for his honest and true opinion. I'm going to just post the tranny with no edits whatsoever, so you can see what I said and what he said...

red_wraith: Okay, I'm writing a diary entry about appearances and how one is seen as something because of the way they look and act. If you have a minute to think about it, would you tell me if I was difficult to get along with while I was out there? I want an honest answer.

red_wraith: Did I act intimidating, confrontational or mean?

Forvalaka: You were not at all difficult

red_wraith: *grins* WOOHOO. Your words are going to be in the diary entry... do you mind that?

Forvalaka: Which ones?

Forvalaka: I like "dingo" and "rutabega"

red_wraith: *laughs*

red_wraith: Okay, I'll put those in there too. *winks*

Forvalaka: Heheh

red_wraith: Okay, I'm going to finish this entry and let you continue with your interaction.

red_wraith: Thank you very much.

See? I wasn't difficult at all. And he had to put up with me for two whole weeks. That's saying a lot.

Also, I know for a fact that Charles didn't stretch the truth in his statement. He wouldn't do that. See, he once told me never to ask him a question I didn't really want the answer to. Charles doesn't lie. Ask him. *grins*

Soooooo... back to the point....

When one acts a certain way or adopts the clothing/style of a certain group, they are painted with the same brush. It might not be fair, but tough shit. The world ain't fair, sweet heart.

==== oooohh, as an added statement from Charles... "Forvalaka: Okay, maybe you could work in "Bolognaise" too" =====

So, what are you telling people by the way you look and act? Are you coming across as a confident, professional businessman (or woman for those people caught up in the whole BS Politically Correct crap) Are you coming across as a loving but frazzled mom/dad? Are you coming across as a tough biker?

What do you want people to think of you? I know that some of you out there... My Addiction specifically... who continually profess to not care even a little what other people think about him. Perhaps he's right.

However, Bob, do you really not care, or do you want people to treat you differently?

See, for the longest time, I just didn't think I cared. Actually, I was so damned hurt inside, that I wasn't willing to let other people see how badly I wanted their approval.

Hey, I truly thought I didn't care. But, when I actually think about who and what I was then, and who and what I am now... YES, I damn sure did care. And I still do. I suppose that's one of the reasons I have tried altering my projection of myself.

I try really hard, now, to avoid looking tough. Granted, when I'm pissed off, people know and they give me space. But generally, I wear a smile now, instead of scowling at everyone.

See, I was one of those people... still am sometimes... who wanted, more than anything else, for people to like me. But I was so damned scared of people NOT liking me, that I would act mean and tough to keep people at arm's length. Isn't that just a bassackwards way to do it?

I think so. Obviously.

Now, instead of growling my comments, muttering and mumbling. I walk with my head up, a smile on my face and when I speak, I speak clearly. I try to look at least clean when I leave the house. And I have tried using a slightly softer hairstyle, so I don't look so damned severe all the time.

As another example of that looks thing..

I remember the first time I saw my first voice teacher from Cornish. Her name was Louise Marley. She was a tall, slender woman with an incredible mezzo soprano voice. After I had a few lessons with her, I really enjoyed her. She was my absolutely favorite voice teacher. I still miss her and think about her often.

The first time I saw her, however, I was terrified of her. Literally terrified. I thought she was some mean, old dragon-lady type person. and I didn't want her as my teacher. Ever.

*laughs quietly at the memory*

I don't know if she'd just come from a dress rehersal or something, but her makeup was real dark and forboding. She looked mean. Granted, she smiled, but even her smile looked mean.

I was assigned to her as her student, for one-on-one voice lessons... but I really, really didn't want to take lessons from her. She looked mean. *laughs*

She is one of the sweetest and most kind women I know. Or knew, since I haven't spoken to her in nearly 10 years. But still... just because of the way she looked, I wanted to avoid her.

Thinking about this makes me realize, even more so, that appearances DO matter. And, granted, in a perfect world, appearances shouldn't matter. But hey, we don't live in a perfect world. We live in this one.

Therefore... I am of the opinion that if I want to be treated with respect and gentleness, it is my responsibility to look respectful and gentle.

Now, if only I could do something about my mouth when I get so opinionated. *grins*

Anyway, I'm just gonna bring this to a close, cause I think I've stated the same thing about fifty times. I suppose this would be a good junior high essay or something. Yes, I can restate the same information in many different ways, just to occupy space and earn that coveted minimum word count requirement.

*grins*

Peace unto thy hearts, mine dahlinks...