I was checking out the latest from Perceptions and decided that I don't agree with his most recent statement. Well, most recent as of the time I posted this, anyway.

He stated that Jesus was the "classic" father figure.

Sorry, Bobby, I disagree. The "classic" father figure, is a man who is THERE. Who is visible and involved in his children's lives. The opinion you state about Jesus is of Current standards. A father who is gone.

Now, I'm not going to get into the whole "Is Jesus really here, or just an absent figure" thing. That's just a difference of opinion that would open too many doors.

My disagreement is with the specific word "classic".

In previous generations, there was a far smaller number of broken marriages (or borken as I initally typed). The father was involved in the home. He was there at all times and never left but for work. Now, I may have interpreted Bobby's statement in a different way than he intended, if that's so, then this diatribe is totally pointless in the extreme. *chuckles*

But, that's never happened to me before. *smirks*

Erm, anyway. My diatribe today is NOT about Bobby or his perceptions. My diatribe this afternoon is really about the role of fathers in our lives.

It hasn't really been all that long since divorce was a really dirty word. Hell, when I was a kid, I heard adults talking about couples who had gotten divorced as if they'd done a really bad thing. As if it were of low moral character to get divorced.

In most cases, I agree. I believe that once someone vows that death is the only thing that will sever the relationship, then death had better be the only thing that severs the relationship.

Now, yes, I believe that there are some cases where the relationship just SHOULD be severed. In the case of spousal infidelity. (no, I'm not talking about stereo systems here) In the case of domestic violence/abuse. And in the case of sexual abuse of spouse or children.

There may be one or two more that I just am not aware of, but in my opinion, the above are valid reasons for divorce.

However, as an extension of that, or perhaps tangent, what has our world come to when adultery is NOT legal reason for divorce?

My own divorce... the grounds for such were "irreconcileable differences". BULLSHIT. It was not irreconcileable. He fucked someone else. Three someone elses to be exact. But since adultery is not legal grounds for divorce in this state, we were required to file under the I.D. grounds.

Alright, alright, alright. I fully realize that this entry has no real merit in and of itself. Let me get back to my original point.

The father figure I think Bobby was talking about is the father that isn't there. The father that doesn't live with his WIFE and children. It wasn't but 40 years ago that being pregnant outside of marriage was considered the epitome in bad-girl behavior.

It was ludicris to think anyone of class or moral fibre would be preggers, let alone have sex, outside of marriage.

Even 40 years ago the instances of fatherless children was virtually unheard of. Of course, there were some women who chose to have children without being married, but it was a brand. Like Hester Pryne and the A upon her chest.

What have we done to bring ourselves to the point where single mothers are not only common place, but applauded and called courageous and strong?

Before you all get up in a tiff and pissed off with me, let me explain. I'm not talking about those women whose mates left them. I'm not talking about those women who chose to leave a relationship on the basis of having a safe place for herself and her children.

I'm talking almost solely about those women who chose to have sex with someone JUST so they could have a child.

The morals in this country (this country, because I don't live in another one) have been on the fast track to slumsville. Bitch, rant and rave at me all you want to. I'm tired of pussy footing around the feelings of others.

If you have chosen the single lifestyle, with sex... Well, that's your own choice. BUT, I do think it shows a lack of moral character. Sex was designed to bind one man to one woman. That was the original purpose. To be a sacred and holy union between HUSBAND and WIFE!!!

Yeah, okay, so I know I'm gonna catch hell from all of you who aren't married, but are fucking. I know I'm gonna catch hell from all of those folks who think that homosexual relationships are cool and sacred and just like a heterosexual relationship.

Sorry, folks. Sex was created and designed to be a sanctified, pure and holy joining of husband and wife. Not someone's husband and someone else's wife. Not boyfriend and girlfriend. Not boyfriend and boyfriend or girlfriend and girlfriend. Not male on female on female or female on male on male. Between one husband and his wife. Only.

Damning entry? yes. Entry to piss off virtually everyone in the diaryland community? most likely. My opinion, shouted at the top of my textual lungs? definately.

Except in extreme cases, there would be no fatherless children if sex were respected and honored and used for the purposes intended.

I am reminded of the one time I really hurt my husband, before we split. He had been complaining about how much money he wasn't bringing home because of the childsupport he was paying. This had been a frequent and very common complaint of his. Hell, he was paying almost 650 each month for children he never saw or spoke to.

I had offered to help get the child support payments reduced. He didn't want help. He wanted solely to bitch and complain about it. Out of 2400 sallary every month, Duncan was bringing home less than 900.

One night I had simply had enough of the complaining and bitching. Once again he'd started ranting about how unfair it was that he was burdened in such a way. He was complaining about how it could have happened to him and that if either of the two women who played mother to his three kids were worth anything, he wouldn't have been in this position.

He complained loud and long about how cruel and unfeeling both of those women were.

Finally, I had had enough. He ranted that it just wasn't fair and that if they'd been worth anything, he wouldn't be in the mess he was in. My comment was spoken quietly, but cut him very, very deeply.

"If you'd just kept your pants zipped, none of this would have happened."

And that's it in a nut shell.

You can't blame someone else, saying that if they had been different you wouldn't be where you are. Fuck it. If YOU had been different, you wouldn't be where you are. If you had made different choices... if you had taken a little personal responsibility for your actions and applied a little forethought, you wouldn't be whining and fussing about the hole you've found yourself in.

And, you wouldn't be asking how you got there, even tho the shovle is in your own hands.

So... the father who is gone? Perhaps if both parties had put a little more thought into their actions before acting on physical desires... the situation wouldn't be the way it is now.

Hell, if I'd been willing to think through my actions a little more before saying "I don't care" Maybe I would still be married.

For that matter, if I had looked Jonny in the eye and said "No, I don't like you and I don't want you to kiss me." I wouldn't have gained 130 lbs and gone home to mommy and daddy in a whirlwind of depression.

If I had taken the time to look forward just a little farther, even one year farther, I may well have told my mother that Jonny had forced himself on me on our first date.

If I had any idea what morals were at the age of 16, there are a lot of things I wouldn't have done.

However, now that I'm here? Now that I've lived through some very bad and stupid choices, I have the opportunity to realize what mistakes I made. I also have the ability to realize that I alone have the power to NOT make those mistakes again.

The epitome of stupidity: Doing the same thing the same way every time, expecting a different result.

It's not too late. I am taking responsibility for my actions. And, I will NOT bring another child into this world who will grow up without a father.

And just for information sake... Jesus is not the absent father figure. Jesus is very definately involved in every aspect of my life. I speak with Him daily and He speaks to me.