Hmmmmmm. Well. Two things.

For those of you who know Preston, he called me tonight. I wasn't able to talk with him as I was out of the house, but he's doing okay and I expect to hear from him tomorrow. I'll post more when I know more.

He sounds healthy and like he's on his feet. Which, in my opinion, is a good thing.

Thing two.

A long-time 'Net friend of mine has just recently started a diary here in the Diaryland Community. He's been reading my entries and such (a difficult task, I must say) and has just posted a response.

For all of you who have ever NOT liked something I've written, I highly suggest you read his entry. Amne started his diary just a little over a week or so ago.

To allay suspicions, there are no hard feelings between us. We're friends and accept each others' differences of opinion.

But...

I'm still thrown for a loop. I'm not sure what portions of your (Amne) entry to respond to right now. I think that if I tried to explain myself, I would only confuse the issue. Sorta like trying to find a specific pebble in a stream by stomping around in the water. *chuckles softly*

Still, I'm shaken. Not my beliefs or my opinions, just that I don't know what to say. I don't know how to respond.

My typical reaction to such a feeling of confusion is to shove it down deep inside me and go on as if nothing had ever shaken me. *chuckles*

I would like, however, to try a different tack this time.

I suppose, what I can actually say tonight is this...

It is not my intention to convince anyone, especially you (again, Amne), about God. He is very, very real to me. He is very loving and gentle in His dealings with me. That is simply my experience.

I understand that you don't agree and that's fine by me. Your life is your own. Your beliefs are your own.

I don't agree with the concept of everything being done out of basic self-gratification. However, the reason I don't believe that is simply because I don't want to think of myself as selfish in any way. *chuckles*

I like altering my world to fit my created perception of it.

C'est la vie, non?

Anyway... I suppose the thing I most want to comment on is the Thanking God issue.

Because I do believe in God, and because I have seen His presense in my life, I thank God whenever I can.

I believe that my "sins" are my own fault because I have been given free will. The right to choose what I want and don't want to do, accept or be. I believe that there are some choices I've made foolishly. And because of the fact that I made the choice, I am responsible.

I thank God not because I have no ability to do good things by my own choice, but because, in my opinion, God is worthy of thanks and praise.

Most of what you said is rebutted only because of my belief in God. Therefore, since you do not believe in God, my rebuttals are virtually worthless.

I don't mean worthless in general terms. I mean worthless specifically because I can't explain myself or my beliefs in a way that excludes God.

As per the organized religion thing... No, I'm not a fan of organized religion. I'm not a fan of church. I believe that church was intended as a place for people of like faith to meet and fellowship among similar believers.

I believe that most churches, in this era, have taken God out of the equation almost entirely.

(Not ALL churches are that way, but most that I've seen/attended)

I believe that many churches out there have removed the focus from God, to the preacher/pastor/minister/officator. That most of them are out there so that the members can show off how pious and religious they are. That most of the people who attend organized groups are there to punch their time card, so to speak.

My personal view on church?

If God is not the number one focus, then it's no longer a Church. It becomes a civic group or social group. To be more precise... when God is taken out of first place, the group becomes nothing more than a club.

I don't believe in joining a club in the name of worshipping God.

Therefore, you're exactly right when you say you think I don't really agree with organized religion.

I believe in God. And I believe in the Bible as His Holy and Inspired Word. I believe in Jesus Christ. And I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit.

As often as I talk about God in this diary, I do not and have not ever intended to push my beliefs on another person. I really don't like it when someone tells me how I'm supposed to believe something. Therefore, I try not to tell anyone else how they should believe something.

For information sake, Amne... I think you're wonderful. I appreciate you and respect you. And, because of your entry, I understand you more. I like that.

But, I still don't do good things because it makes me feel good. *grins* I refuse to believe that yet. *winks*

Peace unto thy hearts, friends.