The subject matter of this particular entry is very intense and negative. I highly suggest, if you have any sensitivity to rape, incest or homosexual molestation, that you not read this entry.

thank you for your time.

Okay, so I said that I had a long entry planned. That's true. This is primarily due to a conversation I had with Sympatico last night.

We were discussing bad parenting. I don't mean Mom's who yell for no reason, or Dad's who adhere to strict rules. We were discussing truly bad parenting.

For instance, those "fathers" who think that raping their children is cool, good, wise and right.

I have had the displeasure to actually meet, converse with and *shudders* "socialize" with two extremely unsavory individuals.

One of these people was a father who chose to molest, rape, physically abuse and torture his own daughters. From the time the first-born girl was a few months old, this "man" was abusing her sexually.

The first time I've spoken about this person and his activities was last night, to Sympatico. I learned about it aproximately two years ago.

I simply can not go into great detail, particularly because of certain people involved... and because the criminal case involving this "man" hasn't been heard yet.

However, I am sickened and revolted that there can be such people in this world. It disgusts me that there are males out there who believe that sexual activity with an infant is NOT wrong. Not only that, but that the child enjoys it and that such activity is healthy for the child.

*shakes her head*

It amazes me that there are people so twisted and fucked up inside, that they think it's okay to sexually molest an infant. And what's more, their own daughter. And, even more than that... to continue the cycle with the next daughter. And the one after that.

I fear for the male child if ever there were one born to that asshole.

This "man" was so fucked up, he molested his daughter with the handle of a hammer. And then beat her about the head and shoulders with it. He caused so much damage to this girl that she has a permanant disability, a severe speach impediment, and severe mental retardation. And she's only 6 now.

Her younger sister was far less abused as the girls were taken from their parents, but still... there were severe traumas for the younger girl too.

That kind of stuff sickens me. I mean, really and truly sickens me.

But, that's not the worst part.

This "man" was so damned hard to pin down... He's a smooth talker, and he talked himself out of a lot of heavy situations. However, the part that really, really, really pisses me off, is that he professes to be a Christian.

That makes me physically ill. How could a "man" do that kind of bullshit and claim to be a part of God? Fuck... that just...

*shakes her head*

I just want to hunt him down and kill him, slowly, painfully. I want him to know exactly what he has done to his daughters.

the problem with that scenario is that if he was fucked up enough to cause such damage in his own blood, he wouldn't give a rat's ass. He wouldn't care, he wouldn't feel, he wouldn't do anything. Absolutely nothing I could ever conceive of, would ever make one single iota of difference to him.

He is the epitome of evil. The absolute epitome.

However, that's not the extent of the conversation last night. Nor of the horrors.

This is the reason I like staying in my room. I don't get "touched" with the filth that is around me. And so very close.

There is a "man" who lives about two blocks from my house. I don't deal with him on a social level. I ahve seen him while at Chuck's and such, but tho he has flirted with me a time or two, he just didn't strike me as the kind of person I wanted to associate with.

And for good reason.

Someone was visiting his house a couple weeks ago and walked in on him as he was sodomizing a young boy. As this happened just two weeks ago, I can't even go into as much detail as the previous example... what with the slight chance of defamation of character/slander/embarassment to the young boy involved...

Suffice it to say, this "man" is someone I had had the displeasure of actually seeing at Chuck's on a few occassions. This particular instance of molestation was no where near the first.

This "man" was involved in an international internet porn ring. Pics, live shots. All with minors.

This is so sickening and disgusting to me. I KNOW that there are people out there, in the world, who believe that child pornography is cool and good and arrousing. But come on...

*shakes her head*

How can we, as human beings, tolerate such bullshit? Huh? Tell me. How can we, as humans in this world, turn a blind eye to such filth and degredation? How can we, as humans, allow our own offspring to be used and manipulated and abused in such a way and NOT believe in the death penalty?

How could we have gotten so far into our own selfishness that we don't actively seek out such fuckers and destroy them? Since when has our legal system gotten to such a point that assholes and jerk offs like these can actually get away with their dispicable actions?

How is it that child pornography is out there? How could it possibly be that we, as humans, would allow such a thing to happen and just turn our backs on it, pretending we don't know it's there?

And what can I do?

What can I do to change the way people live their lives? How could I possibly make any difference whatsoever?

How can I stand by, my hands tied, and allow a boy to be used and degraded like that? Two blocks from my house? Four blocks from the grade school?

My God... I am so humiliated because I didn't know it was happening. I am so ashamed that someone of my species could conceiveably mistreat and destroy another life that way. And I am angry because there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I can't save anyone. I can't help those boys. I can't take their pain away. I can't give them back their lives. I can't give back their innocence. I can't give back their heart and soul.

I can't do anything but cry for the pain they have endured. I can only sit on my hands, unable to help, unable to approach those children, unable to save or protect anyone in this world.

I don't think I have ever before felt so completely and totally helpless.

God help them.