Something a friend sent me...

TROUBLESHOOTING BEER

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.

FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.

FAULT: Improper bladder control.

ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT: Glass empty.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

FAULT: You have fallen over backward.

ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.

FAULT: You have fallen forward.

ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.

FAULT: You are being carried out.

ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.

FAULT: Bar has closed.

ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.

FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.

FAULT: You are dancing on the table.

ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.

FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

FAULT: You have been in a fight.

ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.

FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.

ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.

FAULT: The beer is too weak.

ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.

FAULT: Beer is just right.

ACTION: Play air guitar.

Whatcha think?

So, ya love me or hate me today?

This is kinda strange. I'll post another entry in a little while... I'm just debating logging off so i can grab a quick nap. I have to do this dinner thing with the fam. *rolls her eyes*

I was reading Miss Angela's diary and one of the comments she made was that she didn't like talking in large groups... that that was somewhat nerve wracking and all...

I don't like big groups either.

Hey, I can handle huge crowds if I'm the center of attention... Such as the concerts I've given... but still, I don't like this idea of large groups. I don't want to have anyone really see me. They might notice I wasn't perfect and we all know the Queen of the World MUST be perfect.

*chuckles*

So much for that Idea, eh?

Dunno. I'm tired and a little wierded out by real life.

Ya know, that little beer thing up there *points up*, I got that this morning, in my email from Bryan. Ya know... The one I wrote about quite a few times.

Regardless. That's the first thing I've gotten from him in about... well... since the day I found out he had a girlfriend.

*smiles softly*

I sent him a 5K email about a week and a half ago. No response. Nothing. No communication of any kind.

He hasn't been in Yahell, he hasn't slid onto AOL Instant Messenger. *sighs quietly*

I know I should just buck up and turn my mind away from him... but my mind is in rebellion. That's a real bitch. BUT, I know that there's some guy out there on his way to Long Beach. And, I also know he will make himself known to me.

But his eyes... *smiles sadly* You know what it feels like to look into someone else's eyes and see your soul?

*smiles bravely*

Oh well. We each have the right to make our own choices. And I have no right to condemn Bryan for his. I'm glad that he will find happiness with her, but I'm still really irritated about it. Futile, jealous irritation. I know better. And, most of the time I don't even think about it.

But every once in a while *smiles sadly* I can still see the perfection in his eyes. When he looked at me... when he looked through me and I saw everything I could ever have been. *sighs quietly*

*shrugs, trying to blow it off*

Regardless... Life goes on... The world keeps turning... And he has made his choice.

Kinda feels like it's happened to me twice, tho. First the Ex, then Bryan. Choosing another woman... over me.

*smiles softly*

Nevermind. I'm just being stupid and petty. There was never anything between Bryan and me. It was a nearly three year affair, created fully from my own mind. No basis in fact. My hyper-active imagination.

Til next time, folks

Tig