I remember another day, same building, same general time frame, when I was sitting in the same place, watching again. I remember feeling as if something bad were about to happen. I just had this creepy, not-nice-ness feeling. Something wasn�t right. So I paid a little more attention to the people around me. I sort of... I don�t know... Examined them, so to speak.

Finally, I recognized the feeling as that of someone watching, with bad intent. I spent another few minutes, probably ten, going back over the people coming in and out of the building. Nothing major was wrong with any of them, but I looked around and finally, I found the source of the wrongness.

============== warning... weird talk about to commence (okay, weirder than normal) ==============

Over the doors in this hall where we met, there were two stuffed eagles. They had always been there, but that specific day, I turned my examination, after about half an hour of studying everyone else, upon them. I looked intently, trying to, I don�t know, feel them so to speak. The one to the left of the door, as you face it from the inside, was just a normal, average, everyday, inanimate object. A poorly taxidermed stuffed eagle. The one to the right, however, was not normal.

There was something in it that day. Something not nice. I know now, that it was a demon, or perhaps more than one, but then I didn�t have the vocabulary to express what I was thinking, nor did I have the knowledge or understanding to do anything about it.

I could �see� something not right about that eagle. And I wanted, with everything I was, to turn away from it, to go away, to never be near it again. But, there was something inside me that refused to give in to what my emotions and impressions were telling me. There was something inside me which refused to cotton to what a demon was sending out.

I continued to stare at this stuffed bird. I�m sure that if anyone had been watching me, they would have thought I was completely off my rocker. *shrugs* I�m sure there are some of you which may be thinking the same thing *smirks*

But I studied that bird for a long, long while, finally coming to the realization that there was, indeed, a demon inhabiting it that day. And it wasn�t just a negative essence, it was a full on, malicious demon. Not a good thing to be sitting under, ya know.

So, I moved away from it, but continued to watch, as if... I don�t know... maybe I was thinking that if I could stare it down, it would leave. It didn�t, but neither did I. I felt that wave of fear and the cold shivers, the crawling across my skin that always comes when there is a spirit, negative, or unidentified, around me. I think I realized my sensitivity to things of the spiritual world then.

At least, that was my formal introduction, so to speak. *rolls her eyes*

Anyway, I didn�t do anything about it. But I did mention it to Mom as we were driving home from services that day. And I told her I didn�t want to go back. I told her that I didn�t want to be in that building because it wasn�t safe. She didn�t understand what I was getting at, and I didn�t have the vocabulary to tell her.

But, from that day on, I didn�t have the same blind interest in the church. From that specific day on, I didn�t go into that building without first looking at that eagle, and its partner.

I never felt the same sense of maliciousness from that bird again, nor the other, but I still watched and paid more close attention to my surroundings. I never have felt comfortable in that building again and I�m always on ultra alert mode whenever I go in there.

Now, however, I know what to do if ever I come across one of those again. I know how to deal with it. I know better, today, and I�ll know even more next year.

Still and all, I paid closer attention to the people, realizing that they were, for the most part, faking it. Faking their religious presence. They were there for the same reason I was... because they�d always gone. Because that�s what they knew to do. If you�re a Christian, you go to church, right?

*shrugs*

Now? No, I don�t believe that. If you�re a Christian, you believe in and on God and you trust in Him and listen to Him. If you�re a Christian, you put what the Bible and God say, before what some minister says. If you�re a Christian, you put God before tradition.

It�s scary. Trust me. For some people the idea of bucking tradition is so scary that they never break out of it. Some people never take the risk. I did. Not because I wanted to explore new areas of Christianity, but because I was bored and felt unwelcome in the group I was attending with.

I didn�t stop attending then, but I did stop believing that attendance was crucial to my Christian life. I think that that instance, with the Eagle, took place when I was about 18, but I could be wrong with that one. *shrugs* Dunno for sure.

Regardless, when I was about 20, I went on tour with my choral group from University, to Scandinavia. As far as my religious life was concerned, I was really questioning why and what. I was praying a lot about why I felt so... wrong in the church. I wanted to know why this group I had been in since near infancy wasn�t the right group for me.

I thought that I was... I don�t know... sinning somehow. I thought that because I didn�t want to attend the church anymore, that maybe I was doing something wrong. After all, WCG had long-since commented/brainwashed(?) that it was the only true church. I really, really didn�t believe that. How could it be the only real and true church when it had only started less than a hundred years previous? How could it be the only church when Christ�s own apostles preached to many different peoples?

And, if WCG was the only true church, how come there were so many other Christian groups?

These were the questions running around in my head during that specific time in my life.

So, I went on tour with these people from a religious university. Not �THE TRUE Church�s university, no, that college had denied my application. *chuckles* No music department.

Anyway, I went on tour and we sang in churches and for some church services. I remember sitting there in this huge, old church, the kind you�d see in fantasy books. Huge, vaulted ceilings, easily thirty feet high, huge alter, seating area, choir loft, the whole thing. It was highly impressive to me just for aesthetic reasons.

We were there, observing a church service. I watched the people, these people in Norway. I listened to the tones flowing from the preacher�s mouth, though I didn�t understand anything he said. (he was speaking in Norwegian, duh) But I felt something there.

I looked at the people in the congregation. There weren�t the slack-jawed, do-I-really-have-to-be-here expressions, these people were listening and taking to heart what the preacher said. These people, when they rose to sing, sang with a passion and belief I hadn�t seen in a very, very long time.

And I felt something. I felt... welcome. I looked around me at my companions, they seemed to be completely oblivious, but I saw such a purity of spirit in that church. And I understood, that day, that those people had it. Those people truly believed in God. Those people knew who God was, and they loved Him.

I remember praying right then. I remember examining the church and looking up into that lofty ceiling and thinking to God. I asked Him if He was there. And I just... I felt this wash of acceptance and welcome. AT that time, I didn�t know about actually talking to God and hearing Him answer. But I felt Him answer me.

then, I asked Him how WCG could possibly be the only true church if these people loved God so much. I asked how there could possibly, ever, be only one group, only one form of belief, if two cultures on nearly opposite sides of the globe, with completely different languages, both believed in God so urgently.

That was my real first taste of another group�s belief system. And that is really the foundation of my dual life/religious philosophies.

Just because something is, or always has been, in your life... that doesn�t mean the same thing is or always has been in someone else�s. Sometimes what is for you isn�t for someone else.

I�ve spent nearly 12 years mulling over those thoughts, the experiences. I�ve spent a long, long time studying what I believe, what I understand, what I see and what I know. I think the single most important discovery of my life is that the world is not uniform.

I�ve traveled quite a bit for someone so young without Military ties. I�ve seen some very, very different societies and cultures. The one thing that remains constant? People love, people cry, people breathe and people die.

No matter what your religion, no matter what your culture, no matter what your belief system, we have one thing that binds us together. One thing that keeps us all on even footing.

We�re all human.