I talk, every once in a while, about how I �used to be� a good singer. Yes, folks, this is going to be another long-ass post.

*shrugs*

I �used to be� a good singer. I �used to� have a fantastic voice which would match that of Andrea Bocelli. Hell, I was classically trained for quite a while. Had a number of voice teachers.

I don�t sing anymore. And I�m not sure why. I was thinking about this tonight, about the why. Seriously, I don�t sing anymore. Not like that.

It used to be that I wouldn�t go a day without singing. Hell, it used to be that I wouldn�t go an hour without singing. I would sing to the radio, sing by myself, sing while I was riding. I used to love it. I used to breathe only so long as I could sing again.

I think about Andrea Bocelli in that light. He has such a phenomenal talent. He has such an exquisite power.

===I warn you now, this entry is filled with tangents, so what else is new?===

I remember one day, long, long ago. I was about 14 or so, maybe 15. The local radio station had some contest or something where you could call up and get heard over the radio. You just blurt out your thirty seconds of fame and ride the waves.

Or something.

But I had called in and actually got on the radio. I figured no one important had heard. *smiles softly* But I remember talking with Dan after the fact. Yes, the Dan, he heard me. He�d called everyone in his home and made them listen to me. *laughs softly*

Regardless... I used to be a singer. I used to be music. Somewhere... somehow, that died. I don�t know when and I don�t know how to resurect it. But more and more, lately, I�ve been missing that part of me.

That part of me could look into a person�s heart, open this mouth and just let out everything that had ever happened to them. It seemed that way, anyway. There was a time, not so terribly long ago, when it was my uttmost desire to sing until there was no breath left in my lungs.

Where did that person go?

How do I get her to come back?

Where is my voice?

I�m sitting here, irritable, frustrated, confused and I don�t rightly know why. I need to find my voice. I need to find that part of me that wants to sing, even if the songs are stupid.

So this isn�t a long entry after all. I need to go find my voice.

And I don�t even know where to begin to look.