Well, I�m coming to you from my Grandmother�s house. I�m using my Uncle�s laptop. This is, um, strange, to say the least. I�m used to using my boss� laptop, but hers is different.

Anyway, I�m here to sort of babysit my Grandmother. She has been showing signs of getting old. Go figure; she�s going to be 83 on Monday. I�m of the opinion that because she has reached this chronological milestone, she has the right to forget some stuff. I personally think that since she�s no longer working at a job, she has the right to sleep whenever she wants to.

The problem comes in when we try to introduce the things she does need to have a better life. She needs companionship. She needs to have someone to talk to, to visit with, to communicate with. But, the way my Grandmother is, she would rather have her own life, her own space. She would prefer that she doesn�t have to share her space with anyone. She�s not all that happy that I�m here. It�s all good, though.

She knows that because I�m here, she gets to stay in her house and isn�t being moved to some �old folks home�. She likes the fact that I actually listen to her and talk to her� that I don�t just let her talk and ignore what she says. I pay attention, and she likes that. I�m actually thinking about signing her up for some program which brings some welcome wagon type thing around. Of course, that�s just a thought right now.

As far as I�m concerned, I just think that Grandma needs to believe she has reason to stay alive. She has spent so much of her time alone lately that I think she has been just waiting to die. She knows what it is to be alone and she doesn�t want to be alone anymore. OF course, I could just be full of crap here, but, ya know� this is me.

I would really appreciate it if you would add her to your prayers, and to the prayers of your respective churches/prayer groups. My specific request is that she forgive herself for choices she has made in her life. I think that if she learns how to forgive herself, she won�t be so interested in ending her loneliness by dying. If that makes sense, then you�re one up on me.

I mean this � I think that she has been so lonely for so long, that she just doesn�t want to be alive anymore. I could be very wrong on that score, but I don�t know for sure. It�s been quite a few years since she�s worked, so she doesn�t have the social thing going anymore. She has spent the majority of her life being pissed off with various people from her past who hurt her. She has spent at least 50 years being pissed off in general. It�s hard for someone who has had that much practice to just stop being angry. Bitterness is tough for her. Or rather, choosing forgiveness is the tough part.

She�s really much better than Cheryll (my Aunt) thinks. But, maybe that�s just because I�ve been here for three days now and Gram�s had someone to talk to� some socializing. Dunno, maybe Gram�s just had a few good days in a row, or maybe I�m just not looking with my Aunt�s eyes.

I know that there�s a big difference between our views � �our� being Aunt Cheryll and me � but I sometimes think that she�s lived in the city for too long. I�m sure she thinks that I�ve been out in the boonies for too long. Regardless, Aunt Cheryll is of the opinion that Gram should be awake during the day and sleeping at night� that Gram should stick with a �normal� schedule.

I think that Gram should have whatever schedule she wants. She�s old enough to be considered a grown up. * chuckles * I�m of the opinion that Gram would be a lot happier down at the beach, but again, she�d have to leave her house and everything she knows. That might be too difficult for her.

She did have an episode the other week. She was confused and scared. But she hasn�t done anything like that around me. Again, I haven�t been here but three days, really. There�s all sorts of opportunities to have bizarre stuff going on. She�s not as bad as my Great Grandmother was. But, my Great Grandmother had some severe Alzheimer�s trouble.

All in all, ya know, I figure that Gram�s gonna be just fine. She needs to have someone come in a few times a week to keep her aware of the real world� ya know, that there is a world outside her door. But, she�s not really in need of that full time attention. She doesn�t need to be babysat, so to speak.

I�m ready to go home now. * grins* Don�t get me wrong, I love my Grandma, and I like getting to spend time with her, but we�re here in the city, and I really, really don�tlike the city. I would far rather be at the beach once again. At least when I�m at the beach, I don�t have to sweat all the time because of the temperature of the house.

Yeah� Gram likes having it �warm� in her home. That constitutes about 80 degrees or more on average. And, since I�m used to having the average room temperature at about 55 or so, it�s a big, damn difference. I spend more time outside than I used to, just to escape the heat.

Currently I�m waiting for the TV guide channel to get back around. That means that I�m searching for new back-ground noise. Just finished watching Fire Down Below again. Yes, I�m still a die-hard Seagal fan. I just think he�s great. Y�all can complain all you want to, he�s cool by me.

I also watched a bunch of Jackie Chan movies today. I like the speed and skill his movies exhibit, but I don�t like the whole �blundering hero� style. I like it when action heroes are, ya know, superhuman. Like Schwarzanagger and Stalone. * grins * I love the whole better-than-life� not just bigger, but truly better. I love it when my heroes are untouchable.

I also like it when the female supporting roles are strong and capable rather than ditzy, brainless twinks.

I�m actually looking forward to both Shanghai Noon and Shanghai Knights. I�ve not seen the Shanghai Noon flick yet. I wanted to, but wasn�t able to get to the theater, and I�m not willing to spend four bucks on a video. * chuckles * Yeah, so that has nothing to do with my Grandmother, but hey, it�s what came out of my fingers.

I�m thinking that maybe it�s a cultural thing. I know that with most American movies, the female leads are not brainless twits. At least when Sandra Bullock played opposite Stalone in Demolition Man She wasn�t a powerless, brainless twit. When she played opposite Keanu Reeves in Speed she had intelligence and grit. Though, when Rae Dawn Chong played opposite Schwarzzenagger in Commando, she did play a twit� at least at first. She got tough real quick though. I imagine having a whole bunch of people die before your eyes would make ya a bit tougher. Either that, or catatonic. * chuckles*

Dunno, I just don�t like it when women are portrayed as stupid, helpless and incapable of defending themselves, let alone making a decision in regard to their own lives. I suppose it�s largely a cultural thing. I just don�t know enough about that culture. It seems that, from the movies, at least, the women of Hong Kong can be intelligent and hold important business positions. They can not, however, make it through five minutes of fight scene without screaming at such a pitch that dogs would be howling in pain.

Okay, so maybe I�m a little weird. I just don�t like it when women scream. I don�t like it when women are portrayed as helpless. I don�t like it when women are portrayed as stupid and infantile and � well, you know.

I suppose that there are some women out there who think it�s cool to be the damsel in distress� they seem to make a habit of it. I think my distaste for this goes along with my disgust of shopping. It�s that whole I�m-so-week-and-ineffectual thing. I don�t like that. I know that I personally have much better options.

Okay, so the thing that really torques me off is that I don�t like weakness. That�s really it completely and entirely. I detest stupidity and foolishness and I really, really hate it when women are portrayed as blathering, helpless, stupid dorks. I hate it when women ARE blathering, helpless, stupid dorks. I�ve known too damned many of them. Stupid women really bug me. Stupid men really bug me. Stupid anythings really bug me.

Don�tcha just love this? Here I am complaining about everything and nothing. And I�m doing it so vocally. *smirks * I�m really not all that aware of what I�m typing, to be completely honest. I�m only have aware. I�m sitting here watching TV, talking to my grandmother and keeping my dog from barking his head off. Oh, and add on top of that, I�m trying to keep from floating away on a river of sweat.

Delicious visual, eh? It�s still so damned hot in here. I miss having the windows open. I miss having the cool air brushing against my face.

For now, though, I'm going to draw this to a close. I'm tired and I think Gram is going to be going to bed soon. IF that's the case, I too will get to sleep.

I miss you, Mom. But please, don't clean my room while I'm gone. *smiles sweetly*