Okay... I'm getting REALLY tired of this. this is attempt number four to write this entry. If it doesn't work, I'm just gonna log off and enjoy the day.

Because I've already lost about four columns worth of conversation, I'm just gonna post some of my poetry. I don't have the energy to waste another hour on this. (I've been trying to post this entry for the past three hours)

So, without further ado... here ya go...

--ONE--

D. S. Vic

One drop.
One single, cold drop from the ice.
You hold the ice over my lips. I can feel the cold and I tremble.

Tentatively I push my tongue past my lips, hoping to touch the cold you offer me. It seems as if I'd never tasted water before. It tastes like a mountain spring.

That one drop.

I want more, yet I don't want too much. I could get so used to this. But, what happens when the spring is exhausted?
That one drop teases my mind. I hunger for more, yet I know it will not always be there. And I think of you.

Your words of love have rolled between the gates of my heart. They are few - rare, prescious gifts to grace a hall of dreams. I close my eyes, savoring every letter for I fear they will be taken from me.

Again I feel that one drop - it hesitates on my lip, as if unsure which direction to fall. Then, slowly at first, it crawls along my lip.
It takes all the control I possess to allow its tickling, languid pace. Then, it picks up speed, slipping between my lips. It clings to the inside of my lip, as if suddenly afraid of the fall.

Again I am reminded of my own fears. I wonder, poised here at the verge of this cliff. I see so many who jump and fly high. I also see my past. I had jumped. And then, I fell.
I fell hard.
It hurt.
So much.

Now I'm at the edge again, but unlike the drop at my lip, I can crawl back away. I don't have to fall. I don't have to jump. I don't have to risk...

Again I feel the drop. It quivers for a moment, and then I feel it... stretched. It clings to my lip, getting heavier and heavier. I feel it pull - wanting to leave, yet still afraid of the risk.
Then I can't wait any longer - and gravity gets the better of this single drop. Almost simultaneously it falls and I reach my tongue out to catch it.
I feel it roll along my tongue... to the back of my throat where it fades completely from existance. It becomes a part of me, no longer a separate entity.

I don't want that to happen to me again. I don't want to fall only to be absorbed - only to lose my identity again...

And you bring the ice to my lips - I feel the cold. I taste it with my tongue. Almost a flood of this delicious, cold, teasing pleasure...

And I jump --

And...

--YOU--

D. S. Vic

A cautious look
A tender sigh
A longing for forgotten peace

With far off eyes
With care worn smile
With frantic pace, heartbeat missed

For gentle dream of misspent youth
For troubled, sleepless, summer nights
For heaven seeking, never found
For each, unto their own

Dreams lost
Hopes gained
Fear struck, blinding pain

Pressure built
Heart frozen
Time on hold forever

Disconcerting doctine fails
Disconnected mindset stalls
Disparaging heart falls apart
Disguised dream decayed

Time stood still
That night we met
I thought I'd perfection found

Your eyes so pure
Deep ocean blue
Naught but lies within

Dragging pain within its wake
Dispair does rule within me
Disease and rot now own this heart
Death and dawn in war's embrace

Now from you
Now so gone
Now my life must begin again

My dreams, yours
My hopes, yours
My breath so often held

And now this broken bleeding heart
And now this cold hateful face
And now such need, hunger, lust
And now my blood-stained, shaking hands

You broke me, clean
You killed all love
You stoked the deadly rage within

Not once aware
Not once so wise
Not once relinquishing power

Yet I gave you all that made me whole
Yet I showered you with love, with life
Yet I dance for you my master cruel
Yet I let myself believe your lies

And now I see
So clear, so pure
Ne'er again will I be torn apart

My blood, your blade
You took my life
Now you'll swallow the drink you made

For as the blood flows from my veins
My life pours through your fingers, closed
And within the claws your hands became
Lies the stone my heart will ever be

Um... and one more...

--DARK--

D. S. Vic

Dark. A soft, amber glow from wide candles spread about the room. A woman reclining in a tub of steaming bubbles. A murmur of water lapping at hiden breasts. A seranade of quiet, passionate music. a fragile glass sweating slightly. Pale red-pink wine waiting to be tasted.

Eyes closed as passion's voice caresses the mind. Bodies move through fantasy's flight. Waking dreams bring tender light to a half-formed smile. Soft sighs slide easily from relaxed lips.

A shift in position shatters the tender veil of peace. Once-closed eyes snap open. Blade in hand, death appears where tranquility once reclined. Eyes wide with fear and more. Body shaking with adrenaline rush. Water and bubbles falling lazily from exposed breasts.

Eyes meet; clear, calm blue; wary, deadly gray. Adrenaline burst floods senses one last time. Blue eyes smile. Gray eyes close. Blade disappears as body submerges once again.

Glass taken by strong fingers. Wine slips past lips and over tongue. Glass pressed gently against perfect lips. Liquid teases a relaxing mouth. Quiet moan released as dreams are realized.

Okay, another one, just cause that one was short.

--THE WAY OF A MAN--

D. S. Vic

You stood behind me.
You placed your hands upon my waist.
You pulled me back against your chest.
You brushed your lips against my ear.
Your breath was warm against my skin.

Had we met before?
Had you already known me in some other name?
Had you watched me, wearing some disguise?
Had I been unaware of you? Or...
Had you simply known, on some instinctual level, how to make my blood run hot?

I turned to stare into your eyes.
I dove into the sample you offered.
I pressed my body against yours.
I brushed my lips against your own.
I thrust my tongue into your mouth.
I plundered that cavern, delighting in the suckling pleasure of your lips and tongue.

There was something about you.
There was a quality within your motions.
There was a sense of "right"ness.
There was a perfection in your every breath.
There was a fire, building quickly toward an inferno.

When did I drop through that rabbit hole?
When did the sky become the earth?
When did my defenses drop?
When did I close my eyes?
When did you pull me from my cold hell?

Maybe I'll figure this out some day.
Maybe it will make sense.
Maybe I'll find out how you know my weaknesses.
Maybe I won't be so wary anymore.
Maybe I'll fall for you.

But, when I think about it, I mean, really think about it, I know I'll never fall for you...
I can't.
I won't.
I don't.

Cause you'll turn out to be just like the rest.
Cause you'll open your eyes and see the monster within me.
Cause you'll see the pain in my life.
Cause you'll turn your back.
Cause you'll fuck me and then leave...
Cause that's what men do.

So, I'll spend time with you.
So I'll take you to my bed.
So I'll give you my body to pleasure and tease.
So I'll enjoy every touch.
So I'll enjoy every tease.
So I'll tease and thrill you.
So I'll let my body thrill you.

But you won't touch my mind...
But you won't reach the heart of me...
But you will not get all of me...

Because, men take... fuck... and discard.
Thus is the way of life... and you won't be any different.

You'll look different.
You'll speak differently.
You'll promise not to promise anything.
You'll intend to be different.
You'll tell me it will be over when it's no longer fun.

But you'll lie. You won't mean to, but you will.
It's a habit. It's a habit at which men are quite adept. And I won't stop you. I won't deny the truth.

So, come here and fuck me.
I'll not hang on you when you want to leave.
And you will want to leave.

You'll not get beneath this calm veneer.
You'll lose interest... as do all men.
And I will become worthless in your eyes.

For that is the way of a man.

Alright folks, that's it. I'm out now.

I'll probably write again later tonight, a real post with my personal thoughts and all.

Love and kisses to you all...

J