So, what is faith?

Faith is looking at the scary situation and going into it anyway. Faith is taking the first step, and then the second. Faith is smiling when your husband is crabby. Faith is speaking your mind when asked, even when you know you won�t be heard. Faith is belief in the love of God.

Faith in God is difficult for those who have been mistreated, abused, teased or laughed at by males in their lives. It is even more difficult for those who have been severely mistreated et al by male authority figures. How can you have faith in the ultimate male authority figure when every example of Him you�ve ever had has been cruel, mean, backbiting, snippy and callous?

Faith is taking the risk anyway. Faith is closing your eyes, holding your breath and poking your big toe into the water anyway.

For those who don�t have faith, they get offered more risks. They have more opportunities to build faith. And sometimes, they get many big events (which don�t seem that big to begin with) to build faith.

Faith is a product of hind sight.

Faith is believing the promise.

What has God promised you that you can honestly and earnestly verify? What has He then also delivered that you can honestly and earnestly verify?

I am not the poster-child for faith. I am someone who has lived through experiences I should not have survived. I am someone who has every reason to be depressed, suicidal, enclosed, empty and void of life. Yet, I�m not. I am filled with joy, peace, love, tranquility, happiness, satisfaction and glory. I am a person who has chosen to see the events of my past as experiences to learn from and rejoice in.

Why do I trust God to deliver what He promises?

When I was a little girl, less than 10 years old, I was run over by a car. It was a large land-yacht type beast, Lincoln or Buick or something. It knocked me down and rolled over my shoulder, across my back from the right side of my neck diagonally to my left hip. Yet, once through with the examinations at the hospital, I had nothing more serious than a couple scrapes. -- To me, that is a faith-building miracle.

When I was a teenager, about 14 or so, I awoke in the middle of the night to discover that I had suffocated my dog. She was cold, unbreathing and completely lifeless. Yet with fervent, emotion-filled prayer replete with tears, she began to move, reached up and licked the tears from my cheeks. -- To me, that is a faith-building miracle.

When I was in my late teens, about 18, and at college, I woke from a very bad dream in tears and terrified. I was alone in the big city I hated and had no one to call. Amid tears and shaking, I prayed for a hug. Within moments, I felt the arms of Jesus wrapped tightly around me, holding me close to Him, keeping me safe. -- That, to me, is a faith-building miracle.

When I was just 20, I was so devastatingly depressed that I attempted suicide. I cut into my wrist so deeply and continuously that I spilled blood all over the towel upon my lap. I bled long. Yet, I woke the next morning. I didn�t understand how. -- That, to me, is a faith-building miracle.

When I was 27, I was in a head-on collision with a KenWorth semi truck. I spent weeks in the hospital and years in recovery. Yet now I can walk, wear high-heeled shoes, have feeling in my leg again and have almost no pain at all. -- I believe this to be a faith-building miracle.

From the age of 18 until the age of 28 I was in the pits of depression. Toward the latter years, my depression was so severe that there was nothing of �me� left inside me. I didn�t eat, I rarely spoke and I got so bad that I actually sat in the living room of my apartment while my husband was having intercourse with his girlfriend in the bedroom. And we were definitely not in a poly-amorous relationship. Yet in the Spring after the divorce, I was suddenly a live entity once again.

== The previous Fall, Mom put a CD in the stereo during dinner. As Andrea Bocelli�s Romanza poured through the stereo speakers into my head, I was transfixed. Tears fell from my eyes without a sound and without my knowledge. Throughout the duration of that CD, I was motionless but for breathing and blinking. I heard the music and really, honestly and legitimately heard the music with every fiber of my being. I felt the music, really felt it, for the first time in ten years. That night was the beginning; the spell of depression was broken. ==

By the Spring, I was alive. I breathed deeply of life and discovered I really liked it. -- That, to me, is a faith-building miracle.

When I was 29 I met, fact-to-face, the only man (so far) that I loved with everything I am, heart, mind and soul. My heart was shattered into a million pieces and I truly understood the absolute depths of total betrayal and heart-break. My soul was actually twisted by this event/series of events.

And yet, today, I am unbroken. I am not simply healed and whole once more, but I am a new person. My life is brand new, fantastic and every opportunity is open to me. I have no limits. I have no boundaries. What�s more, the experiences of my past are like some distant dream, as if they had happened to someone else and I got to watch and learn from their mistakes and pains.

I am not just healed. I am not just whole. I am new and completely unbroken. I have never been damaged. I have never been hurt. I have never been betrayed, broken, destroyed, depressed, lost, alone or abandoned. I am whole, complete, full, total and in perfect peace.

That, to me, is the greatest faith-building miracle of my life!

Every day that passes now, no matter the circumstances, is wonderful. God showed me, with His infinite patience, that I am so precious to Him. He has shown me, through the past, that no matter what comes in the future, I will not just survive it, but come out on top and be better than I ever was before.

So, how do you get faith? Look back on your life. See the places you have been, the difficulties, the trials, the problems. Then, look where you are. If you haven�t come out of the valley yet, be patient Ask God to reveal the lights. Ask Him to show you the places where He did, indeed, carry you. Ask God to show you the good parts in order to keep going through the difficulties.

But, if you have come out of the valley, rejoice loud and long. Praise the name of God and sing loud (whether you think you can sing or not is immaterial). Find joy in the little things in life. Appreciate the lady-bug infestation because it�s lady-bugs and not termites. Enjoy the rain and gray sky because it�s not an earthquake. Praise God for the crabby boss because s/he is just a boss and you can go home.

Most of all, praise God for keeping me alive. I do.