ontrary to appearances, I did do a Bible study this morning, I just didn�t post it. I read through Isaiah 42 yet again. Wonderful chapter, in my opinion.

I was thinking about the OA meeting I went to Saturday morning. I haven�t talked about it cause I just wasn�t sure what to say. There wasn�t any great revelation, not that I expected one, but it was a gentle, peaceful and quiet experience. I�m not really expecting anything miraculous � in that �Wow, that was a big miracle� kind of way � to happen.

About ten years ago or so, I started attending an ACOA meeting (Adult Children of Alcoholics) � no one in my immediate family was an �alcoholic� but the same dysfunction was there, complete with text-book-like behavior patterns � and it actually helped me quite a bit. I didn�t learn anything earth-shattering at the time, but the lessons I learned were like �knowledge bombs�, I got the information and it had to count down before I actually understood and was able to process it. I figure these OA meetings will be quite the same.

There is, of course, the whole secrecy thing� it�s anonymous after all, so I won�t be posting a whole lot about those meetings. But I will be posting the discoveries I make throughout the process.

I feel like I don�t belong there. I feel like not going back because I find it difficult to admit the behavior. The phrase one is supposed to say is ��and I�m a compulsive over-eater.� But I don�t feel like a compulsive over-eater.

The thing with the OA/AA/ACOA meetings is that you�re supposed to abstain from the �drug of choice�, for OA that would be food. I find this a difficult concept as food is that one thing that you can�t abstain from for long term without some pretty severe adverse effects.

Maybe that doesn�t make sense. When you attend AA meetings, the point is that you give up alcohol. You just stop drinking it altogether. With NA (narcotics anonymous) SAA (sex addicts anonymous) and others, it is possible to give up the focus of the disorder. It is possible to live for long periods of time without sex, drugs or alcohol. It is not necessarily possible to give up food for long periods of time�

I know that it�s the behavior one is supposed to give up� the compulsive part. But it�s really hard for me to see my eating behavior as compulsive. (I know that sometimes it is� sometimes I eat for wrong reasons and that�s the part I�m supposed to stop) but most of the time� *frowns*

I suppose that�s the whole point� to make myself aware of what my habits are and then to stop the automatic consumption of food. I think the whole point is to make food a choice rather than something that happens. *nods slowly* I think that�s it. Clarification will come to me soon enough.

There�s more I would say, but I�m tired and don�t exactly have my brain with me right now. I�m just going to post this then go to bed. Much love to you all and may your every positive dream come true.