YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW

*chuckles*

Alright, so I'm obviously happy.

I'm very happy. Perhaps relieved is the way I should say it. I hinted as to a problem with a friend of mine. I'm still not going to go into details, but I do want to shout this from the rooftops...

I really think we can work this problem out.

*smiles softly* One of the things that bothers me most is hurting, upsetting and insulting friends. My friends are of the uttmost importance to me. In my opinion, friends are the safetynet of one's life. They are what keep you sane and headed in positive directions in your life.

Many people have families which make up this safetynet. However, there are a whole bunch of us who actually have friends as our support systems. Our friends make up our companions, confidants, encouragement, stability, foundation and role models.

My family makes up about 20% of my safetynet. If that. My mother, grandmother and aunt. That's it. The rest of the people I deal with are my friends. SOOOOOOOO... when I see that I might be losing a friend.... It really, really hurts.

This particular friend is someone I believe in. Tremendously. I have many different levels of friends and there are about five... if that... on the upper echelon, or however that's spelled.

I have already gone into this a few times... naming people and all. I don't wish to do that again. Suffice it to say, this friend with whom I've had difficulty lately, is of the upper echelon. Those are my most trusted. Those people I would spend my life to help, and those in whose hands I would place my life.

Respect is something I give instantly or don't give at all. On occassion, someone who does not have my respect can earn it. And extremely rarely, someone who has my respect will find that I take it back completely. But that doesn't happen very often. In fact, I think that's only happened three or four times in my life with people I'm not related to.

1) The guy who tried to rape me. Friend of the family. But I didn't like him to begin with, didn't trust, rely on or have respect for him. So, he didn't lose much in my eyes.

2) My ex-best friend. I met her at Cornish when I was 18. We were best friends for five years. Until she accused my fiance of raping her. I didn't lose respect for her then. Not even when she told the minister who was going to marry us (in two weeks) and my parents before telling me. Not even when she told me she didn't want me to have to choose between her friendship and my love for Duncan. She lost my respect the night she gave me the results of the Lie-Detector test she'd taken "proving" her point... from the person who was her current lover. She was the one who'd told me, repeatedly, how her friend had taught her how to cheat the lie-detector tests.

*rolls her eyes*

Anyway...

3) Actually, this one happened recently. There was a guy I met at school last year (when I was attending). Instantly he had my respect. But, the moment he threatened my life... Well, suffice it to say, I have NOT gone back to associate with him in any way, shape or form. Since about September of last year. And I have NO respect for him at all.

Regardless... There are very few people in my life who have to earn my respect. And those people are the ones I instantly distrust.

I tend to give my trust and respect instantly. If I get a good first impression, that person has my trust and respect instantly. They can strengthen the bond or weaken the bond. BUT, in some, very few, cases, there is someone I will meet who garners my full respect and trust instantly.

================Interjection... A friend of mine just got online. She's stoned. I'm shocked. She's a pure and wholesome young girl. How dare she??????? (her reply to that question was to the effect of... "It was quite easy, actually") Pity me... feel empathy for me... feel sympathy for me... the world is coming to an end.......... now, back to our regularly scheduled progaramming=======================

One of the things I detest most about arguments with friends... well, besides the argument, is having my respect either thrown back in my face, or having to take it back from someone I previously respected.

I very, very rarely, take back the respect and trust I've given someone. I don't like burning bridges and I really hate cutting off my resources.

Because...

My friends are my safety net.

They are what keep me from tumbling down that cliffside into the craggy, stone-riddled surf far below. They are what keep me sane in this life I lead (Courtesy Vince Gill). They are what give me the courage to continue battling my personal shortcomings. They are the mirror I need to keep me going forward instead of falling back.

So, to my mirror... Thank you for giving me the "heads up" and for listening to my own.

And to all of you whom I consider friends... your value to me is obvious in my own heart. I hope someday to be able to show each of you how very important, valued, trusted and special you are to me.

You are my safety net. You are my mirrors. You are the different angles which help guide me toward that place I want to be... that person I want to be... that person I am becoming, and will continue to be growing into.

Thank you.