Okay...

I'm gonna talk about sex.

I've probably bitched about this topic many times already, and I'm sure that you're already tired of it... but, tough shit.

I was talking with a friend of mine tonight, and we got around to the subject of sex. Of course, Uncle Bob's message board gave the question (paraphrase) "What did you think you would love, but found out you actually hated?"

Well, I must be one twisted fuck, cause for me... it's sex.

I thought I was going to love sex. I was a virgin for my husband. Did that whole purity bullshit routine. (I don't mean it's bullshit, I"m just in a foul mood tonight)

Fuck me.... this is a rotten night. First off, I'm obsessing about a friend who hurt me, second, I'm obsessing about being out of smokes, third, I'm obsessing about my mother telling me I should start having children.

*rolls her eyes* Come off it. I won't have children unless I have a mate. And that's not gonna happen in the next two weeks, so back off.

Anyway... the whole point of my diatribe tonight...

I don't like sex. The physical act is painful. The emotional hullabaloo is bullshit because the male involved didn't know the difference between real emotion and a fuckin skin mag...

Um, excuse me...

See, my Mother does this to me. Often. She'll bring up some topic, then someone else will bring up an associating topic... then someone else, then someone else. It starts a fucking chain which pisses me the fuck off.

*smiles sweetly, batting her eyelashes, tho her teeth are clenched*

Aight, let me put it this way...

I like some aspects of sex. The parts I like that are REAL, power and control.

In my opinion... sex should not be about power and control. Sex should be about tenderness, kindness, doing for your mate before doing for yourself.

But, that's not what sex signifies in this world, in this day and age. Sex is a powerplay, and those of you who don't agree, obviously aren't watching TV or looking around at the ads.

Most of the ads out there shout about how you can't be cool, you can't be accepted, you can't be rockin, if you don't have big tits, firm ass and sveldt (also spelled svelte) curves.

Ya know what? I miss the Roseanne show for one specific reason... She was fat and he was fat. They were not particularly attractive individually... but ya know what??? They fit. And they looked REAL.

Hell, I"m just bitching tonight. I have nothing of great importance to say. I'm in a foul mood and I'm nic-fittin from hell. *growls*

My tummy aches, my head aches, my dog is snoring at my side, I'm tired and fussy and.... and..... and ...... awe hell...

Suffice it to say, I'm in a pissy mood and I'm here because my Mother wants me to be married again already. She wants grandchildren. *sighs* Suggestion... for those of you out there contemplating having children... for those of you who think one kid is enough... You're full of shit.

*looks around, real circumspect* Oops, did I actually say that out loud?

What I mean by that is this... When you're the only kid, you know that the "survival of the species" is completely resting upon your shoulders. Having brothers and sisters (I mean, genetic siblings, not step or adopted siblings) takes the weight of responsibility for the family line off your shoulders.

My Grandmother's line will end with me if I don't have kids. My Aunt isn't going to have children. Hell, she's 50 this year. My Uncle isn't gonna have kids... He's been a pot head for nearly 40 years. My Mom didn't have any other kids.

*shrugs* That's it, folks.

My mom wants me to have kids.

My Mom wants me to have a husband. *looks around Long Beach* yeah, right... who? Who the hell is there around here that I would bother with?

On the plus side, I KNOW that my mate will make himself known to me sometime in this next year. Posibly before the end of this year. But I don't know for sure. I would imagine that the guy will either be a new move in, or a puker (tourist, for those non-locals out there). I don't believe my mate will be a local. Specifically because I've lived here for just a little over four years, and I haven't seen a man (who doesn't make me want to rip his eyes out on sight) who is over 6'4".

I have to have a man taller than me. I just really want a man taller than me. And I don't men half an inch taller. I mean, TALLER.

I'm serious about this, folks. I'm fuckin 6'1" barefoot. Wearing the sneakers I have now, I'm about 6'2 1/2". I wear heels, folks. Not just an inch... but two and three and (when I get the funds to actually purchase the ones I want) 4 inch heels.

So, the way I see it, I need a guy at least 6'4". And that's the very least. I'd prefer 6'6" or so. But, not too much taller than that.

And, for info sake, the ex was 5'10"

So, lets see... Okay, Mom... Here's what you need to find me if you want me to have a mate... *chuckles*

A man, ruggedly good looking... a man who could be at home both in the office and the work shop..... A man of between 6'4" and 6'6". Hair color doesn't matter much, tho I'm a sucker for a red head. *chuckles* Eye color doesn't matter much either, but those blue eyes nail me to the wall almost every time. And hazel with the flecks of gold... those are the second most potent.

He's gotta either have his own business which can be moved to the Beach, or be financially set. Own his own house, or be ready to purchase/build our house. He must love and respect music, finding it to be so completely overpowering that certain voices will render him speachless...

Upon our first meeting, he must look into my eyes, and I must look into his.... in that first look, I must see my life within his soul and vice versa. It must be that shocking, "frozen in time" kind of thing I experienced with Bryan when he was out here... only it will happen every time we REALLY look at each other.

There are other things as well, but that's enough for now. Besides, I really want to go to sleep now. Before I have to listen to the cops driving past again.

The pup is happily asleep. I think I MUST follow his example.

Love to you, my friends.

Peace unto thy hearts.

J...

My favorite lyrical quote for the month... I am everything you want, I am everything you need, I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be... I said all the right words, at exactly the right time, but I mean nothing to you and I don't know why. -- Verticle Horizon's "Everything"