Gah..... I have just realized that I really DON'T want children right now.

*sighs*

I was babysitting again TODAY. ick. I'm so tired of it.

I really like children... at times.

However, I do want to mention something here... Most children are not that tall. Most children are not that slow. I'm very, very tall, and quite large, and not all that fast. And that means, when the kid wants to race around, I lose track of where they've gone. AND, sometimes they leave little traps for me.

For instance... My Nephew will be playing in one area... laying on his belly... then, without any warning, or listening to the Laws of Physics... he will suddenly appear, on his belly or on his hands and knees, just where I was about to place my foot. Even if it's all the way across the room.

I don't know how he does it. But he does.

And then... Yes folks, THEN, there are those damned, MFing legos. I love playing with them, and I actually will get down on the floor and dump out the tray and build some stuff with my Nephew, but.... then, no matter how diligent I am in cleaning them up.... they find my feet.

They race, against the laws of time and space, to my feet and bite me with their sharp corners. I swear it... they have legs... little tiny, microscopic legs.

They're sentient. I swear it to you, folks. These little buggers actually move when you're not looking.

Regardless... what I really want to say is this...

I really do want to get married again... I think it's somehow.... *shrugs* "right", ya know?

But, I think it would be important for me to have some male in my life, ya know? That would kind of help. *chuckles*

But, then, that self doubt steps in... "do I really want to get married again? I mean, it fell through last time...

See... this is all my Mother's fault. *chuckles, just kidding around*

This last week has been really, really rough on me. I would imagine my Brother's havin a great week. But, I was out at the ocean last week or so, thinking about Bryan..... I was slammed in the emotional gut by the sucker punch of that Sarah McLaughlin song...

Then, I started thinking about the pros and cons of getting into a relationship again. About wanting to have children at some point in my near future. My Mother keeps telling me it's time. *rolls her eyes*

I know it is, but really, I would think that it would be wise to have a boyfriend for a while before actually thinking about marriage and children. Come on, think about it... How many of you men out there want their females to look at them and say... "Hey, Nice to meet you, I'm single, looking to get married, and I want to have kids... How's next winter for a wedding day?"

*rolls her eyes again*

Hell, I was talking with a friend of mine just a couple days ago who broke up with his girlfriend because she wanted to get married and have kids, and was telling him about it every day... They've only been boyfriend/girlfriend for about three months..... if that.

Isn't that too fast?

I mean, I can understand conversations about marriage and family... but after less than three months??? Telling the person you've been dating that you want them for children and marriage?

*frowns* This just...... I don't know...... it doesn't make sense to me.

Hell, Duncan told me he'd be a fool not to marry me. On the night we met.

*shakes her head* I thought he was full of shit.

I should have listened to my gut instinct.

Hell, I'd still be a virgin and I'd have spared myself a lot of pain. But, I wouldn't have learned as many lessons so completely.

*frowns as this is making absolutely no sense tonight*

I'm sorry folks... these last few entries just aren't up to par. I'm really tired and I'm not making much sense. I'm going to go to sleep, and then, maybe I'll have a coherent and humorous entry tomorrow.

*le sigh*

*chuckles quietly*

Anyway... I think I'm going to sleep now.

Peace unto thy hearts, folks.

J...

A few plugs, by the by....

I've been posting in my Character diary fairly regularly. Also, My Addiction has a new entry. Laka hasn't bothered to update recently because he doesn't like me anymore.... *pouts*

But.... Uncle Bob is in rare form as of late. And Blue is now able to read this diary cause she was usin Netscape.

Isn't it a pain in the ass how IE and NutScrape have conflicting coding problems? *chuckles*

Melly has been updating even through her stay in Cali. Also... Chance has been writing a lot lately... he's the "son" of Tiger (my role play character) and Carrisa is his initial adoptive mother and Tiger's adopted daughter. So, it's kind of a chronologically confuzzled thing...

Tiger adopted Carrisa... Then, Carrisa semi-adopted Chance. However, since Carrisa has been at the Academy, Chance has been staying with Tiger, and they've gotten a lot closer.

Tig has always thought of Chance as HER son... It just... dunno... she just feels that he's more like her than anyone else. And, Chance has started opening up to Tig.

But, all of that can be figured out if ya check out the diaries.

AND, if any of you haven't joined the club yet... join the RAWKin Diarylanders club. Put up your URL (diary URL or others) pics and the like.... post messages and such. it's way cool.

Anyway... I'm out of here for now. I can barely see the screen anymore.

Peace unto thy hearts, my friends.

J