=====Tonight, I'm listening to Techno and Verticle Horizon almost exclusively... To begin, the Techno... Pouring from the headphones... Fur Elise: Beethoven===

I spent time listening to this stuff as I wrote it out, so I'm just going to post all the stuff I was listening to as I typed and catagorized. Then, I'll type out the actual entry... which I started at Chuck's this evening.... So, without further ado...

===Pouring from the headphones... Bitter Sweet Symphony===
===Pouring from the headphones... Scatman: John Scatman===
===Pouring from the headphones... Neverending Story===
===Pouring from the headphones... Carmina Burana:4 meg Carl Orff ===
===Pouring from the headphones... Mortal Combat===
===Pouring from the headphones... Star Wars Imperial Attack===

Very, very good stuff here, folks. The music is good tonight. And I'm in a slightly techno mood. If any of you are into techno, suggest some songs that you like, I'll DL them and take a listen. If I like em, I'll give you "props".

And again... What the hell are "props" anyway? The last time I was working with "props" was when I was "prop"erty Mistress for a University-funded Opera. I'm suspecting that "props" are the shortened form of "propers" Which is, in turn, the shortened form of "proper credit".

But, I could be way off the mark here. *smirks*

It's not like I haven't been off the mark before. *grins*

Anyway, on to the Entry I had started writing at Chuck's.

===Pouring from the headphones... All About The Pentiums: Wierd Al Yankovic===

I'm listening to the conversation here at Chuck's and again I am reminded of man's need -- the collective... mankind -- to gather with people of like mind in order to release the stresses of dealing with others. We need that release. Husbands need to get away from wives and vice versa in order to release that little bit of irritation which arises in any interpersonal relationship.

===Pouring from the headphones... The Saga Begins: Wierd Al Yankovic===

This is why bars are so popular. I mean neighborhood bars, local pubs, not the singles bars which have become nothing more than a locale for fuck-interviews. (cmon, be honest, that's what those places are all about, handing out the dating resume and doc's papers saying there are no STDs to be transmitted) The puplarity of the local greasy spoon where folks gather for coffee... not because the coffee's so good, but because there's someone to let off steam to. Night clubs are in there for those more hard-core interests. Church socials for those of milder tastes and... then... the ultimate gathering place... the Internet.

Every one of us is a social creature in one form or another. Mentally at the very least.

===Pouring from the headphones... Send It Up: VH===

Those of us who reside online are a community. We gather here, creating bonds, communicating with others of similar mindset. similar experiences. We learn from one another. We comiserate with each other. And we offer support in times of need.

We share laughter, joy, peace, sadness, depression, failure and success. We have molded ourselves into a family. And when a stranger approaches with friendly intent, they are welcomed with open arms. Yet, when someone approaches with anger and hatred toward one of this group... We stand to defend each other.

but we don't think about this. We don't recognize our family members. We think we reside among the strangers and unknown entities, safe and secure in our 'Net anonymity.

Take a look around you. Who do you see?

===Pouring from the headphones... Best I Ever Had: VH===

There are so many people I read. So many of you have shown me parts of your mind, parts of your lives. I enjoy that so much. I get to climb inside your minds and walk along the paths you have constructed. It is wonderful and beautiful here. Amazing here. Wonderful here.

Some minds are intricate and vastly complex, spreading tendrils of thoughts into every corner.

Some minds are more quiet and simple, the pathways defined easily and clearly.

Some are rough and chaotic, a kaleidescope of colors and shapes, never the same twice.

And still others are wide open, with no set paths.

I love the visions which pass before my eyes in this jumbled family. All the peace and tranquility of wide open fields ringed with tall trees and weeping willows drinking deeply from the streams of imagination. While having the wild color and bright lights of the city with it's heart beat life thrumming through the honking of horns and rumbling engines... and it's all tied together in the sweet ribbons of these cyber-wires, these electrodes and metalic synapses, shooting fireworks of dreams into the air.

The perfection of this world swells within me. The heart of this family beating with a pulse almost visible. And so many of you treat me with respect, love and patience. So much love and adoration in this huge, ever changing, ever growing family.

Thank you for sharing your time with me. Thank you for granting me access to the crawlspaces of your minds, hearts, lives and souls.

===Pouring from the headphones... Children's Lullaby: VH===

(That's all that was previously written... now on with the entry)

I get to live here in this wild and tumultuous world. And I am looking around at this valley/mountain/hill/stream/ocean/forest/desert... it's all so clear and perfect and beautiful. There are dark corners... some of which I dare not go. And yet, there are places so bright and filled with life that I am loathe to ever leave them.

===Pouring from the headphones... Everything You Want: VH===

We are a family here. More closely knitt than simply a community.

I suppose that Uncle Bob's recent entry prompted some of this. I really do appreciate his words and his outlook on life. The birth of his son... it's so precious to me. Not just because another perfect and amazing child was brought into this world, but because I feel like I am a part of this child's life. Oh, and Uncle Bob... I WILL meet Andrew one of these days.

Sometimes I feel more connected to this internet family than I do my RL family. I have daily communication with so many of you. And now that we have chat, I get to speak with so many of you in real time.

A lot of this recent, effusive, bubbling joy and peace comes from my time spent in chat. But, this morning I fell into a comfortable embrace and haven't left it yet. This is so wonderful. At every turn I see yet another thing that is so much more beautiful than the last.

But, the real interesting thing here... when I turn around to see a thing I"ve already discovered, I find something new there. Same shape, same person, same diary, but there's yet another aspect. This is so wonderful, people.

===Pouring from the headphones... Finding Me: VH===

I got to speak with TK for quite a while this morning. I think I love him. He's so wonderful and cool and filled with joy and happiness. I don't see enough of that in the world at large. TK just.... *laughs* Made me laugh. He was the impetus behind bright smiles and intense joy. AND, someday I swear I'll talk him into stalking Kevin Nash with me. If just for the moral support. Having a partner in crime. *grins*

As a side note of sorts, for those of you who like reading works in progress, TK has a story he is in the process of writing. And I really like it. I highly recommend that you all run right out and start reading it. SilverLake. Check it out. And my vote's for Superman. *smirks*

===Pouring from the headphones... Give You Back: VH===

I got to talk with Boogie again this morning. She's so cool and bright and joy filled.

I'm thinking about starting some kind of program here online... something like a Big Brother/Sister program or something. Taking people like A. L. and Mosh, and placing them, singly, in a group of three or four people like TK, Boogie and MBE just to see if the possitive vibes would scrape away at the low-self-worth of so many out there.

I thought it was a good idea. *grins*

===Pouring from the headphones... Miracle: VH===

Oh hey... I'm back. *chuckles* Betcha never knew I was gone. My folks got back from a short trip they took up to Port Angeles. They stopped off at the Olympic Game Farm. Mom and Dad took turns recording the animals and such. *grins* It was so much fun to watch the video. Almost 45 minutes of video. *laughs softly* It was wonderful to see. The animals so close and so eager for the bread and stuff.

It's a place like Northwest Trek (like y'all know what that is). I wonder if those places have websites. *frowns thoughtfully, planning on checking that out* Both the OGF and NWT are parks where you can drive through and look at the wild-life. OGF is better, in my opinion, because you can drive through in your car and feed the animals from the windows... llamas, buffalo, elk, deer, peacocks and peahens, wolves, bears, lions, tigers, eagles, hawks, raccoons...

===Pouring from the headphones... Shackles: VH===

It's incredible, folks. Absolutely incredible. NorthWest Trek is cool too, but it's more like a zoo, where you get to ride a tram through the park to see the large game, but at NorthWest Trek, you don't often get to see the animals. At the Olympic Game Farm, you get to see them up close and personal. They come up to your windows and lick the glass... nibble your buttons and beg for the bread scraps.

It's 8 dollars per car to go through OGF. And so very well worth it. *laughs brightly* There were some really, really good shots of the animals. And I mean, REALLY good shots. Like, there was an awesome shot of a buffalo licking the glass of Mom's window, seaking out the bread it knew was in there. There was a great shot of an Elk nibbling on the door of Dad's pick up. *grins*

There were some really cool shots of the Zebra (plurral), Yaks and bears especially. And one of the bears waved. *grins brightly*

===Pouring from the headphones... Trying To Find Purpose: VH===

I'm just so thrilled to have watched the video. *laughs brightly* I remember going through the Olympic Game Farm long, long, long ago. It's something I need to do again. But it's so much more fun when you have someone along with you. So, I just am so eagerly looking forward to visitors. *laughs brightly again*

I told my Father about the memory I had of when I was really, really little. The storm entry. I think it's the one before last. Might be three entries ago. Don't remember. *chuckles softly*

===Pouring from the headphones... We Are: VH===

I just feel so good, friends. So happy and complete and wonderful and alive and all that good stuff. I feel like everything is just flowing together so smoothly. I'm thrilled. My friends are well and healthy for the most part. I'm still a little worried about Mosh, but I'm sure that with my constant barage of nice-ness, he'll decide, one day, to just smile. *laughs brightly*

I was bugging him about that this morning. He told me he doesn't smile. So, I have made it my mission, or something, to get him to smile. And to smile brightly. Tho, the first goal is just a smile. I told him to grin, to practice it.

People don't smile enough. I've gotten told that I smile too much, that I laugh too much. Bullshit. *grins brightly* I think I don't smile quite enough. That I could laugh a lot more. And I'm taking every chance I can get to laugh and be happy. Life is long, enjoy it. Laugh at everything which makes you happy. Wallow in happiness. It's a great, great feeling.

===Pouring from the headphones... You Say: VH===

I feel like I'm high. I feel the way people describe being high. An almost uphoric feeling. So bright and light and free. No burdens, no heaviness, no set backs. So wonderful. So incredibly wonderful. And I love this.

It's as if all the worry and fear and irritation and self-loathing have just taken a vacation. A permanant vacation. Oh, Thank You, my Father, for this marvelous and wonderful life. Thank You for giving me breath and spirit and the opportunity to know You. Thank You.

There is so much to feel in this world. So much pleasure to be had. So much bright joy and intense freedom. Such a glorious and wonderful feeling this is. I wish all of you could feel this child-like peace.

===Pouring from the headphones... You're A God: VH===

I look around me and wonder how it was that I've lived so long NOT feeling this. I realize that I'm finally opening up once again. I feel healed.

*pauses, smiling brightly* That's it. I feel healed. As if all the pain and anger and rage and fear... as if all of it were gone. As if it had never existed. I am free. Completely and totally free.

Thank You God, for this healing. For this joy. This happiness.

There were so many years where all I could do was force myself to breathe. To take one... more... breath. And yet... I feel now as if I could stop breathing and never die. Never want for oxygen again. My life is complete. So complete.

Glory be to the God in Heaven.

Forever and ever.

===Pouring from the headphones... I Wish It Would Rain Down: Genesis===

I feel like a kid in a candy store who has been told to pick anything I want. Including the whole store. If I want it all, I can have it. *grins* I have this piece of paper in my hand. It's a gift certificate. Redeamable to God. And, I can give it to Him for a specific thing, or I can give it to Him and ask for everything. And whatever choice I make... I will receive it. *laughs brightly* I just feel so wonderful and full of life.

Oh, my Father. You are so loving and gentle. You have filled my life with joy and happiness and priceless child-like wonder. Thank You.

*grins brightly*

===Pouring from the headphones... In The Air Tonight: Genesis===

yes, I'm sure that there are a few of you out there pondering the wisdom of letting me go without a full mental evaluation. I worked in three different Counseling offices. If you want me to take the tests, I will. I don't care. I'll talk to doctors and counselors and crisis intervention workers. But this isn't caused by some sudden psychological illness. This feeling of happiness and peace isn't caused by a sudden shift in the space/time continuum. *grins*

This change has been caused by my finally accepting my true place in life. Accepting it and enjoying it. I am a child of God. And I love it. Father, thank You. Thank You so very, very much. *grins brightly*

I am complete.

===Pouring from the headphones... Hold On My Heart: Genesis===

Many people have told me that I worship my God in the wrong way. That I"m wrong for talking about Him the way I do. That I'm wrong for praying the way I do. That I'm wrong because I don't pray the way they do. *shrugs* I don't agree.

I believe that God loves me. I have a relationship, one on one, with God. And I love it. I cherish it. I believe that God speaks to me in that still, small voice. I believe that He loves me. And I believe that He has a specific plan for me and for my life, and that He created me specifically for this position.

===Pouring from the headphones... Old Love: Eric Clapton===

I do not believe in fate. I never have. I do not believe in pre-destination. I never have. I believe in free will. I believe that God has a plan and that each of us have a place in that plan. I believe that it is our right to accept His plan and move in the direction He planned. I believe that He will never, ever force me to do something. No matter what it is, I believe that if I tell God I don't want to do it His way, He'll let me do it my way.

I believe that if I want to fix my own bowl of cereal He will let me.

I could be very wrong. But, I don't think so. For me, and for my life, God is my ruler, my king, my parent. He is my Lord. When I refuse that... my life is difficult.

===Pouring from the headphones... Sogno: Andrea Bocelli===

I'm going to sing with Andrea Bocelli some day. In concert. I will have the oportunity to talk with him, to hear him, to see him, to feel his voice from the inside out. I eagerly look forward to that day.

I'm also eagerly looking forward to going to Dallas in March. I get to go with Charles to Gulf War, an SCA event. It's like a Renfair. I don't know a whole lot about the SCA, but I have interest. AND, I'm just so very excited about going to this event.

Thank you Father for putting together the pieces so I can go.

===Pouring from the headphones... Bitter Sweet Symphony===

I need to find a few people in Astoria who can sort of coach me. I really don't want to go to this event and act the total moron. *grins*

There's nothing like going to a Renfair in modern clothes. *smirks*

I also have to get some costumes. But all of the pieces are already in motion, coming together so very smoothly. AND, what's more, Charles told me that I could bring Joey with me. *laughs brightly* That would be so totally killer. *grins* BUT, I'm not sure if I'm going to include Joey or not. Depends on which pieces fall into place.

I think Joey would really enjoy it tho. I'll have to look up the specs on dogs. Charles has told me to research this... I think I'll do that tonight.

I'm just so very happy.

And I feel fulfilled.

And happy.

I'm happy.

Thank you, Father. The Glory is Yours alone. Thank You.

===Pouring from the headphones... Miracle: VH===

Perfect song to end this entry with.

Just perfect.

Peace unto thy hearts, dear friends and family. You are a gift to me. A rich and much, much treasured blessing. Thank you for being there to watch me find joy. Thank you for sharing this with me. You make it so, so much better... so much bigger. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you.

Praise be to God in the Highest.