Bryan Series 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

If you haven't read them in order, you should. That's why I've included this handy little link system thing.

Eventually we stopped. You said, embarrassed I suppose, that it just wasn�t right. You weren�t feeling well and it was probably better to simply go back to the house. Feeling empathetic toward your physical upset, I agreed, dressed once again and began the trek home once again. It was pleasant and I didn�t feel out in the slightest. I understood your distress (or so I thought) and I wanted to make things easier on you. I was completely devoted. As I said, I would have done anything you asked.

The following night we finally got to see the sunset. It was your last night there and we were together on the beach. I asked if it was all right to hold you and without hesitation you said yes. We watched the sun sink into the west. We watched the horizon turn from blue to gold to orange to red to purple to blue-gray. It was the first time I had seen the sunset over the ocean. I had waited� I had waited because I wanted to share that magnificent site with the man I loved more than anything else in the world. And I did. And it was so very worth it.

That night, back at the house, we talked for a long time. Then we once again became intimate. It was my gift to you, my temptation for you. I performed fellatio in hopes that you would understand how intensely I felt, in the hopes that you understood my intense love for you and in the hopes that it would be good enough to bring you back quickly. You told me it was the most incredible experience you�d had. You said I was the best.

The next morning we had to leave early. I had to get you back up to Seattle and we were going to stop at Pike Place Market before going to the airport. As we drove, you slept. I spent almost as much time watching you as I did watching the road. The sunrise was stunning in its glory. The trip along route 3 was gorgeous and almost mystical. And yet, when you had finally awakened, you seemed a bit distant.

When we stopped at the ferry dock, waiting for the boat, you seemed to need to be alone. I gave you the space, but I watched you. I felt, in my heart of hearts, as if you were pulling away from me. I felt I had done something wrong. So, I let you go. I still didn�t want a prisoner. I wanted a partner, an equal. After a while, I realized that you simply weren�t fully awake. We spoke a little, but most of the morning was spent in silence.

When we finally got on the ferry, we went upstairs, had coffee and something, I don�t remember what. It was extremely foggy. I remember you standing there, on the bow of the ferry, in the fog, amazed, lost in a world of dreams, a surreal vision of life. I watched you. I didn�t want to intrude. You were there, thinking your private thoughts, and I didn�t want to break in. I could tell you were falling in love. If not with me, at least with Washington. I could feel the symbiotic relationship you were developing with the fog, the water, the ferry, the air around you� I could feel your joining with life in that pure, raw, incredible sense. You were absorbing Washington, memorizing it, identifying every curve, every line, every angle.

(It�s entirely possible that you were just living in the moment, but it seemed so much deeper from my point of view. I thought there was more than just existence there.)

We got to Pike Place Market and walked around a little bit. We looked in a few shops and passed a few venders. We were site seers. We owned Pike Place Market. We walked into a flower shop and I commented on the roses. They were beautiful and I dropped my nose into them. It was heavenly.

As we were walking past the fish vender, some busker walked up to me and seemed as if he were starting something. He actually looked vaguely familiar to me, but it had been ten years since I�d lived in Seattle. People change a lot in ten years. Regardless, you got all big and protective. You moved around to stand between this man and me and in that instant I knew what it was to be honestly protected. I knew you could handle anything. I knew that no one could ever hurt me again because you would always be there to protect me and keep me safe. I walked around in a warm glow. I couldn�t think clearly. I couldn�t stop grinning.

As we headed back to the car, we passed another florist�s shop and walked in. You told me to pick one. I did so and you had the florist wrap it up. Before you would hand it to me, you made me promise to keep it, hang it, dry it and remember always. I promised and my heart swelled and I felt so much love for you that I didn�t think I could hold it all. And yet, when I buried my nose in that rose, I could feel love welling up even more. I wanted to shout to everyone that I loved you.

Finally, we got to the airport, got you checked in and headed toward the gate. We stopped in the bar and you had a rum and coke. I had a Pepsi. We talked and watched each other and kept the conversation light. But then we moved on to the gate proper and stopped in at the bar across the aisle. You had another rum and coke and I had another Pepsi. That�s when it happened. You looked at me and said you didn�t want to leave. You said you wanted to stay with me. You said you wanted to stay in Washington. You said you wanted to walk right out of the airport and drive back home and stay here.

I said I wanted you to stay. Yet, again, I knew that I might still take advantage of you. It was possible, I thought, that you didn�t really mean it, that if I did walk out, taking you with me� if we did go back to the beach� it was possible that you would grow to hate me for it. So, instead of saying we should leave the airport and drive home, I told you that you had to go back. I told you that you had responsibilities and that you needed to take care of those, then come back when you could really stay.

I kick myself for that. Or rather, I did kick myself. A lot. After the fact, I was so pissed off that I actually let you go. But, now that I have some hindsight� some perspective, I know I made the right choice.

You see, it had to be your decision. It had to truly be your choice. You had to be the one who chose, with no persuasion from me, to stay here. It had to be you to make that decision. I don�t know if I can explain why it had to be your choice alone, but it did. I suppose it was my need to be sure you remained your own man. I suppose it had to be your decision so that I would know I hadn�t forced you into staying here.

Anyway, it came time for you to get on the plane. We stood and walked out to the aisle. We stood hand in hand, watching each other, gazing into each other�s eyes. That was one of the hardest things I�ve ever had to do. Telling you to take care of your responsibilities first� that killed me. I wanted, more than anything else, to simply hold on to you and never, ever, ever let you go. But, for my sanity, I couldn�t allow myself to keep you here. I had to know that in the long run, when we were together, married, with children, I had to know that you wouldn�t leave me on the spur of the moment because someone else had wiggled her ass. I had to know that you would choose the responsible, mature avenue. I just had to know that.